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Red Army Jokes

What do you call a sniper in the red army?

A Marxman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Russian pal is such a hopeless drunk that he joined the Red Army just to go to Ukraine

He heard that in the land of Ukraine, cocktails literally fall from the sky.

I made my bookshelves listen to the Red Army Choir...

Now they're booksheviks

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Pole finds a lamp on the beach at Gdańsk

A Polish man walking along the beach at Gdańsk finds a lamp. He tries to polish the crud off it and as he does so >POOF< a genie appears and says to the Pole "for freeing me from the prison of the lamp you have 3 wishes"

The Pole thinks on his good fortune for a few minutes and ...

In which army does it take more courage to retreat than advance?

The red army

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The power of booze.

Chapayev was a famous Red Army commander during the Russian Civil War.
He often travelled with a young aid named Peter.
One day they were holding a farm until reinforcements would arrive.

- Commander, I got from the radio that the enemy is five miles away!
- Let's drink to it.
Th...

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In light of recent discoveries, I made a joke

A conspiracy theorist died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told the conspiracy theorist “You may ask me one question, and I will reply honestly.”

The conspiracy theorist thought for some time and asked “Did Hitler escape death in WWII and move to Argentina, where he still r...

In America, the army has read lots of news...

In Soviet Russia, the news has lots of Red Army.

From the Cold War archives

In the 1950s, when Cold War tensions were at their height, the Soviet Red Army unexpectedly placed an order with the U.S. Defense Department's procurement office. The order asked for five million boxes of twelve-inch long condoms. The unusual request was sent up the chain to the Joint Chiefs of St...

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