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Backhands Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(My Dad told me this one) So two eight-year-olds wake up one morning, deciding they're old enough to cuss...

So their mama calls them down for breakfast, and asks, "Little Johnny, what do you want for breakfast?"

And Little Johnny says: "Alright, bitch, I'm thinking I want a motherfucking biscuit!" And mama *backhands* Little Johnny hard as she could, knocking him to the floor. She kneels down and l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two little kids.....

aged six and eight, decide it’s time to learn how to swear. So the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, “Okay, you say ‘ass’ and I’ll say ‘hell.’”

All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they’d like for breakfast. “Aw, hell,” says the eight-y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in diner with his two young boys...

The waitress comes to the table to take their order. The man says, "I'll have the chicken fried steak."

She jots that down and asks the oldest boy "What would you like, sweetie?"

The boys answers, "I'll have a god damn cheeseburger."

The father angrily backhands the boy.
...

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are standing on the stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd...

The Pope leans in toward Hillary and says "Do you know that with one wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?" This joy will not be fleeting or momentary, in fact it will go deep into their hearts and they will forever remember this day and rejoice.

Hillary repl...

A speech to remember

The pope and Donald Trump are addressing the United States and a large crowd of people is in front of them. The Pope turns to Mr. Trump and says “With one wave of my hand I can make all of these people love me forever.”

Mr. Trump says. “No, I don’t think you could.”

The Pope then asks,...

Sam 'n' Eric decide to be more grown up by cursing...

Their mother wakes them for breakfast, and asks them what they want to eat.
Sam says "Aw, hell, gimme some Cheerios."
Furious, his mother backhands him across the kitchen, turns to Eric and asks "What do *you* want to eat?"
Eric stammers "I-I-I dunno, but it sure ain't gonna be n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a mother and her two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were in their car and on their way to church.

Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out "Jesus Christ that hurt, are you a complete fucking wanker?"
The mother being upset went and talked to the priest.
She said "Father, my boys just won't stop swearing and I don't know what to do." to which the Father sai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother of 3 boys, ages 4, 6,7, goes to see a Doctor.

She explains that the boys have developed a bad habit of cursing quite a bit. And asks for advice on ways to stop them. He asks her," ma'am I've known these boys awhile and I've wandered if u have ever even spanked them?! They are the most unruly children i have ever known." The mother says," oh my ...

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