A corn farmer asked his field "are you listening?"

To which the field responded "I'm all ears"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did a therapist say to Beethoven?

>!I am all ears.!<

I wanted to buy the perfect Vincent Van Gogh costume for a Halloween party, but couldn't find one.

They were all ear-regular.

There is one saying that van Gough could never say

I'm all ears

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife always complains when I use her toothbrush

If somebody can tell me of a better way of getting shit stains off the back of the toilet bowl I'm all ears.


-Jimmy Carr

I asked a Chernobyl survivor if he wanted to listen to a fun story,

He said he was all ears.

Why are cornfields the best listeners?

They're all ears

Me: Do you want to hear the cruel things people are saying about you?

Elephant Man: I'm all ears.

Me: Yes, that's one of them.

Anyone care to explain how some jokes can be corny?

I'm all ears.

If anyone knows how to correct cosmetic surgery that's gone horribly wrong?

I'm all ears.

If you want your wife to listen to you...

...just talk to another woman. She'll be all ears.

These pieces of corn can't hear me,

but they're all ears.

I asked Dumbo what career options he would pursue, when the circus shut down, and if he would consider interesting opportunities

He said, "I don't know, but I'm all ears"

An even cornier joke

One stalk of corn said to the other stalk of corn, "Hey, can I tell you something?"

The other stalk of corn said, "I'm all ears."

I find that corn fields are the best places to vent your frustrations...

...because they're all ears.

So my friend asked if I wanted to hear a corny joke...

So I said, "I'm all ears!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob is suffering from premature issues in the bedroom...

Him and his wife are tired of it, it's starting to hurt their marriage. Bob decides to take his lunch hour from work and head to his doctor about it.

"Well Dick, it's just happening too fast, I can't seem to get it under control, what do you think?"

"Bob, we have pills and treatments a...

Best listener

Girl: My boyfriend never listens to me.
Friend: You should date a blind mute.
Girl: why?
Friend: he's all ears

One day a man got a flat tire...

... right in front of an insane asylum. "Dagnabbit!" he cursed as he pulled a jack and a tire iron from his trunk. Just then he noticed a man in a white hospital gown staring at him from up on a hill behind the wrought iron bars.

The driver set about his task. He popped the hubcap off, loose...

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