The 24+ Best Visite Jokes

I visited my doctor today, he told me that I’m going deaf.

That was difficult to hear.

Ruto, a politician, visited a village and and asked what their needs were.

”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.
“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”

On hearing this, Ruto whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the ...

An embarrassed older lady visited her doctor for help with a problem.

"Doctor, I don't know what's wrong, but I fart all the time. It's strange because they are both silent and odorless, but they keep coming out. In fact, I've farted about 6 times just sitting here. What can I do?"

The doctor replied, "Here, take one of these pills every morning and then come s...

A man visited his doctor, concerned about experiencing eye pain every time he indulged in a cup of coffee

"Doctor, every time I have my morning coffee, my right eye hurts. Is that supposed to happen?"

The doctor responded, "Well, it's certainly not a common side effect. But don't worry, you can still enjoy your coffee. Just remember to remove the spoon before taking a sip.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to Japan alone and visited a temple

I went to Japan alone and visited a temple that everyone says miracles could happen after prayers.

Once arrived, I opened my wallet, and poured all my money into the offering box and prayed,
"God, I want a girlfriend, it would be great if she's from Japan, and she likes anime l...

I visited the air and space museum today...

There was nothing to see there.

When I visited Australia, the immigration officer asked me if I had a criminal record…

Confused, I replied, “Oh, is that still required?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was obsessed with plastic surgery...

Her doc told her a new procedure had been developed- they put a knob on the back of your neck and every time you see a wrinkle, turn it one click to the right and the wrinkle will disappear. She came in right away and had the procedure done.

A few weeks later, she was having some issues and v...

The reason that aliens have never visited us is because

The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews.
.
.

We only have one star.

Don't Miss The Amazing Italian

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing. A sign read:

"Don't Miss The Amazing Italian"

The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under The Big Top, in the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.

Standing next to it was ...

A three hundred year old Chinese joke

Yenluo, the king of hell, sent a demon to earth to see if there were any doctors doing good work healing people.

The demon asked, “How do I know who is a good doctor?”

King Yenluo said, “See how many ghosts there are haunting the clinic.”

The demon came to earth...

Aliens visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly , they speak English.

Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

"You mean JC?", responds the alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's th...

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home...

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

The chemistry final make up exam.

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday an...

One morning the Viceroy of India went to visit his old army pal Major Barrington, who owned an orchard.

Walking through the orchard, the Viceroy marveled at all the different varieties of fruit: oranges, apples, bananas, pineapples, mangoes, guavas. "Why, you must have twenty different types of apples I've never heard of!" he remarked.

"Oh, that's nothing," replied the Major. "I'll bet you ther...

I always wanted to visit Ireland one day

So I took a vacation there. I did all the stereotypical tourist things like drank in the pubs, saw the beautiful natural wonders, watched a game of football, visited the Blarney Stone, and so on.

Before I left, I figured I would buy a nice souvenir. And what better to take home from the Eme...

One morning Snow White said to her prince, "I haven't visited the seven dwarves in ages. I think I'll visit them for a week."

The next day, Snow white came back to the castle in a huff.

"Why are you back so early?" asked the prince.

"Grumpy harassed me," replied Snow White.

"What happened?"

"Well, as soon as I entered the cottage, he told me my hair smelled nice."

"That doesn't sound like...

I visited the wailing wall the other day...

standing there like an idiot with my harpoon.

I visited my local mosque today.

Imagine my disappointment when I found out the reason why you take your shoes off is not because there is a bouncy castle inside.

I visited my old friend in Newcastle over the weekend and asked him if I could use his WiFi.

"Sure," he said, "she's upstairs and the password is 'new_shoes'."

The sperm bank I visited yesterday had it's own food court.

Unfortunately, it was just a Jack In The Box.

A big, burly man visited his pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

"Madam,” he said in a broken voice "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pay...

Two Turkish people visited NY

They flew over 10 hours so they got hungry when they landed. Looking for options, they only have 3: Pizza for $5, Hamburger for $3 and Hot Dog for a dollar. As they don’t have much money, they decide to spend less and go for the Hot Dog. But they don’t know what that means. One of them has a pocket ...

Every Psychic I ever visited was either a bit depressed or way too excitable..

It's really hard to find the happy Medium..

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