This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No child of my will ever participate in the unholy art of race mixing.

If they want to do a triathlon, they will do three separate races like god intended

Manners

A man returns home from work late at night. Suddenly when he gets to a very dark street, a vampiress pops up.

"Mwaa ha ha! mere mortal... surrender your blood! and pull down your pants right now!"

The man, both terrified and confused, replies:

"Wha--I thought you guys a-aimed fo...

An unholy competition

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor and a nun

had been asked to speak at a catholic seminar out of town. It was quite a long drive, so they had to stay in a hotel for the night. Unfortunately, during the christmas holidays, all hotels were packed. After visiting 3 hotels that were completely full, they finally found one that had a spare room. T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rabbi and a Priest are out golfing,

The Priest takes his first shot and gets a hole in one. He smiles, then tells the Rabbi it's his turn. The Rabbi takes his shot, and completely missed the golf ball. The Rabbi then shouts,

"Shit, I missed!"

The Priest shakes his head and says,

"I would like it if you didn't utt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First day at medical school..

It was the first day at medical school and all the students gathered around a corpse in a lab next to the professor.

The professor says, "There are two important lessons every person wanting to be a doctor should learn. The first lesson is that you should never feel disgusted about the human ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 nuns go to mother superior and say they don’t want to be nuns anymore.

Mother superior says “Ok but you have to go and do something unholy.”

The next day, the first nun goes to mother superior and says “I stole a kids bike!” Mother superior replies “Ok, that is un-holy. Go and drink from the holy water and you will no longer be a nun.”

The second nun goes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl was meeting her boyfriend's parents for the first time

Unfortunately she was dealing with a severely upset stomach. As they were seated around the dinner table she had to try and release some of the crippling pressure, and decided to let out a little gas quietly. Her "little" fart resulted in a squeak audible enough that everyone at the table heard. The...

I business man decides to open a bar in small town in Texas...

It was quiet little town where lot of people were god fearing and church going folk.

His bar began construction on a new building on the same street as one of the town churches (one of twelve) to increase their business. The local Baptist church among other god fearing folk of course were sho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Nuns [Long]

Three nuns were kicking around the convent one day, doing nun things such as praising the lord and disapproving of pop music when one nun said

"RIGHT. I'm sick of being a nun, I want to quit" the other two nuns agreed, being a nun is rubbish, and skipped off singing to Mother Superiors offic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his doctor with a sore arm.

He sits down on the exam table and the doctor looks at his arm.
"What seems to be the trouble today, Mr. Wainscotting?", the doctor asks.
"Doc, I've got terrible pain starting in my bicep and extending down to my forearm." replies Mr. Wainscotting.
"Let's have a look."
The doctor examine...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Of Biblical proportions

An elderly Catholic priest dies one night peacefully in his sleep after a long life of serving God, and finds himself standing at the pearly gates.

"You were such a pious and holy man in life," began St. Peter, "that as a reward you can make one request of me before leaving behind your worldl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the limerick contest

An altar boy is sent up to the priest's office.
Priest: Now, I've heard you participated in a competition.
Altar Boy: Yes father, that is true.
Priest: And I heard, this was a competition in the art of writing limericks.
Altar Boy: Yes father, that is true.
Priest: And I hea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman dies and gets to meet StPeter

Peter knows of the mans history and so offers him either, he enters hell for all eternity OR he can climb the “Ladder to success” a literal golden ladder.

Of course he chooses to climb.
StPeter imposes his terms, once you leave one level of the ladder you may only go up.

So agree...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to church today

The pastor said there are only two types of pussy. Holy and unholy.

I had to give my own sermon on the mound.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four nuns die in a bus crash...

... they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter welcomes the nuns. He tells them that, while he understands they devoted their lives to God, everyone is still given a chance to repent their last Sins, and gestures towards a fountain of Holy Water.

The first nun pulls St. Peter aside, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Duke!

A guy invites his Gf to meet his parents
During dinner she has gas but a stroke
Of good luck has put the family dog directly at her feet.
So without delay she let's out a loud squeak.
"Duke." The father says in a stern voice.
Feeling relieved, she decides to let the rest out and be ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A partisan joke for election day

Jacob, Jonah, and John aren't getting along very well in Heaven, and one day God gets tired of it and kicks them out. "I'm sick of you guys bickering. You don't appreciate the gifts I gave you. I want you guys to do something amazing. Work together and do something for the record books! As soon...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.