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Tourette Jokes

I hate when people make fun of my Tourette syndrome

It really ticks me off

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What do you call a cow with tourettes?

Beef Jerky

The worst thing about having tourettes...

People are always expecting you to say something funny.

what do kids with tourette’s and tall grass have in common?

ticks

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I have tourettes

But I live in Australia so none of these cunts have a fucking clue

I got diagnosed with tourettes today

guess it's time to tic that off my to-do list.

How do you call a suicide bomber with Tourette’s?

A ticking time bomb

I’m on this great new drug to control my Tourette Syndrome.

I swear by it.

Revolutionary medicine that cures Lyme Disease, but causes Tourette’s

Now that’s gonna cause a lot of nervous tics

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I filled out a job application last week...

... and under disabilities I put narcolepsy and Tourette's syndrome.
So not only will I be able to sleep at work, but if someone tries to wake me up I can tell them to fuck off.

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Wife got her test results back. We thought she had Tourette’s syndrome. Tests were negative.

Turns out I am a cunt & she does want me to fuck off

I have a friend with Reverse Tourette Syndrome.

Random people just swear at them for no reason.

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What do you call a Russian with Tourette’s Syndrome?

Yukanol Fukov

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I took my wife to the doctor’s to sort our her Tourette’s.

Turns out she she doesn’t have it after all. I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off.

Did you hear the one about the mute clock with Tourette's?

It ticks a lot but never talks.

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I've been buying birthday cards for everyone at our local Tourette's Society.

It's the thought that cunts.

A man with tourette syndrome is selling birds.

All the parrots are returned.

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The Tourettes Pianist.

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

'Fucking get in there you cunt!' he says to himself and ...

My auntie has a traditional remedy for Tourette's.

She swears by it.

My friend has Tourettes.

He doesn't have a bank account.
He has a swear jar.

People with Tourette’s...

... What makes them tic?

Joined the Tourettes Society today ...

It only took a minute to swear me in

How does a dyslexic with tourettes pray?

He swears to Dog.

Trump is like a bird with Tourettes

He can't control his Tweets

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A bloke with Tourette's Syndrome

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother fucking manager, you cock sucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from u...

How did the doctor cure the woman with Tourette's?

Anti-bio-tics.

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I grew up thinking my Dad had tourettes....

turns out he just genuinely thought I was a fucking cunt.

I'm reading a book about sufferers of tourettes syndrome...

I want to know what makes them tic.

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Welcome to the Mental Health Helpline. Please listen carefully to the following options:

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you have Tourette's Syndrome, please say "CUNT!" after the tone.
* If you have sch...

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Old Macdonald had tourettes

E I E I CUNT.

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Tourette's convention rally

What do we want?!

A CURE FOR TOURETTE!!

When do we want it?!

CUNT! SHIT! FUCK!

How do you know if a deer has tourette's syndrome?

It has deer tics...

I once ate out a girl with Tourettes.

I kept on licking and she kept on ticking.

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My wife always complains I buy crappy Christmas gifts. So I got her a Tourette’s Alarm clock.

She is in for a rude awakening.

There's a French guy with tourettes syndrome who keeps yelling goodbye at random people.

There's much adieu about nothing.

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My friend with Tourette's got married and we all sat there while he prepared himself for his wedding speech.

"Thank you all for coming," he said finally. "I can't believe I fucking married this...stupid fucking cunt bitch!"

Then I think his Tourette's kicked in.

Jesus was filling in a form. The question was "Do you suffer from Tourettes?"

He wasn't sure whether to put a tic or a cross.

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What's the difference between an oyster salesman with tourettes, and a prostitute with diarrhea?

Well, one shucks between fits...

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Did you hear about the agnostic insomniac with tourettes?

He was up all last night wondering if there is a cunt.

I just joined a Tourettes Club

took 5 hours to get sworn in...

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So a dude is visiting a group of engineers

the chief engineer greets him and gives him a tour of the facility.

"Right now we're building machinery for the military", says the chief engineer.

the guy sees an assault rifle mounted onto a complicated looking device and asks, "whats going on over here?"

the chief engineer re...

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Mickey mouse has a cousin who kisses everyone:

Hickey mouse.

Mickey mouse has a cousin who is a special teams player for the Miami Dolphins:
Kickey Mouse.

Mickey mouse has a cousin who loves performing cunnilingus:
Lickey Mouse.

Mickey mouse has a cousin who is very particular:
Pickey Mouse.

Mickey mouse has ...

Women say they want a man who speaks his mind...

But every guy I know with Tourettes is single.

I was talking to a man with tourettes the other day and he just started shouting at me...

I don’t know what I said but something made him tick!

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I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?”
I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

I thought it was funny...

I asked a guy with Tourette's what made him tic... He didn't find the humor.

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The job interviewer asked, "whats your full name?"

"It's Peter Fucking Bastard Piss Flaps Smith."

The interviewer asked me, "do you suffer from tourettes Peter?"

"No" I replied, "but the priest at my baptism did."

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A cop notices a young fit man pull into a handicap parking spot and approaches him as he is getting out of the car.

“Excuse me sir, what exactly is your disability?”

The man replied, “Tourette’s. Now fuck off asshole.”

I met an alien who couldn't stop swearing...

He was an Extra Tourettes-trial.

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My wife went to see the doctor, as we thought she may have Tourette's

Turns out there's nothing wrong with her: I'm just a fucking cunt.

This one might be a little non-PC, but...

What would an anti-mentally-handicapped people protester group would yell?


"DOWN WITH TOURETTE!"

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I am dreading the day when you no longer have to mask up in the supermarket.

Everyone will know I'm the cunt with the Tourettes

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Job interview

At a recent job interview:

"What's your name?"

"Dave Fucking Cunting Smith"

"Do you suffer from Tourette's Dave"

"No. But the Vicar at the Christening did."

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Ten Lines to Get You Out of Jury Duty

1. I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.

2. I am really attracted to you, Your Honor.

3. If a police officer told me I was a bug, I'd believe him

4. I think laws are for sissies.

5. Would I have to bathe?

6. Can each of my personalities vote in t...

I think dyslexia is hilarious.

So is tourettes you funch of cucking sock buckers!

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Roses Are Red...

Violets are blue,

I have tourettes,

Cunt

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A man parks his car in a 'disabled parking' spot when a traffic policeman shows up.

'Well well well sir,' says the policeman while getting his coupon book 'what is your handicap that allows you to park here?'

After a brief moment of thinking the man awnsers: 'Tourette's sydrome, Cocksucker!'

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Haiku of the week

"James, you have Tourette's."
"I'm afraid there is no cure."
"Fuck! Shit! Cunt!" said James.

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simply genius

Joe is late for work again and cant find a regular parking space, so he parks on a parking space for disabled persons. His boss, however, is not the forgiving kind and fires him right off the bat for being late. Devastated, Joe walks to the parking lot just to see a meter maid writing him a ticket. ...

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Once upon a time there was a toad named Ian.

Ian had tourette's. His life's dream was to become a toad janitor. But every place he applied turn him down because he would cuss repeatedly as a result of his tourette's. Him saying cuss words all the time was distracting to the other employees.

Finally he saw there was an opening to be a ja...

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