Too Short Jokes - 37 Hilarious Too Short Jokes

I didn't like my hair because the barber cut it too short.

But then it grew on me.

When I first got a haircut, I thought it was way too short,

But it's really growing on me.

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Mom, is this skirt too short?

Yes. Your balls are showing, Robert.

"Life is way too short to be taken seriously."

An anti-vaxxer said to her kid.

My army of bugs is crippled. All my soldiers are much too short to be good fighters, and I require more bread to feed them.

I lack toast and taller ants.

People are complaining that games are too short but

New Battlefront has 4500 hours of gameplay and people are still complaining!

My track and field team complained that the hurdles were too short

But I'm not worried, they'll get over it

I liked the new show Bonding on Netflix but it was too short.

Just like Fred.

Well, I just got a very bitter complaint that the polo mallet I sold on ebay was too short

I told him to get off his high horse

If you could get rid of any race, which would you choose?

I'd pick the 400 meters, it's too long for a sprint and it's too short to be a true endurance race.

"They said 'You'll never amount to anything, you aren't handsome enough to be a star, you're too short, you can't sing, you're not funny enough'"

"So anyway here's your medium Latte that'll be 3.79"

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You'll never be able to go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby.

You'd be way too short and weak.

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I changed my gmail password to “my dick”

But google said it was too short.

Harry Potter just released a new figure of its leading hero Mr. Scamander. But it isn’t very good the shirt is the wrong color, the scarf is too short, the nose is to long, and a bunch of other little things are wrong.

Did they really think I wouldn’t notice all these wrong My Newt details?

I tried setting a password for my new Reddit account.

I put in “MyDick”.

It said the password was too short.

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Two blonde pilots...

On their first commercial flight together two blonde pilots, best friends for years, are finally flying together after years of being co-pilots for more experienced captains. The cockpit was finally *theirs*.

The flight goes very smoothly and they congratulate each other as they are coming in...

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The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”

“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer.

“No problem,” the sales clerk answere...

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, but the third lady's arm was too short to reach.

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Headaches.

A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."

The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"

"I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was m...

What do you call a Mexican that is only 4’6”?

Paragraph. He is too short to be an essay.

A man dies in the widow orders a wreath for the funeral

She opts for simple "Rest in Peace" writing on the ribbon but then after a while she starts thinking that it's too short. So she calls the wreath maker and orders "Please add "I'll see you in Heaven" if there is space left." Happy with herself she hangs up. Then at the funeral she sees the wreath wi...

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A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick,

but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp

The host asked me: What are you?

Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.

Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp

Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

A man secretly wants to get rid of his wife's cat...

...and decides to abandon it. He takes her into the car, drives a few blocks away, drops off the cat and drives home.

Ten minutes later, the cat is back home again.

"Well," the man thinks to himself, "maybe it was a little too short a distance."

He gets back in the car with the ...

Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota

Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."

Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. D...

These two dudes are lost in a stolen airplane, one said he was a pilot but who knows, anyway they need to land this hot airplane somewhere before they get low on gas

They're freaking out when all of the sudden they see a runway.

The guy on the controls says "There's the runway, bro!"

Other guy is like "Oh man I don't know that runway looks really short, dude."

The guy flying is like "No bro that is definitely a runway let's do this"
...

I've gotten a new haircut recently

At first I felt like it was too short, but I gotta say that it's starting to grow on me.

You've really got to hand it to short people....

They’re just too short to get it themselves

They always say that there’s more fish in the sea

But it’s kinda hard to catch fish when your rod is too short.

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I was going to post a joke about my penis...

...but the moderators said it was too short.

I remembered watching Titanic and bawled my eyes out.

It's because the painting scene with Rose was too short.

The trouble with one-liners

is that most people’s attention spans are too short.

I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin.

"I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"

"I know.... Danny DeVito."

Three old women are sitting at a park bench, talking about the weather

when suddenly a naked man runs past them. Th first woman has a stroke. the second one has a stroke as well. the third one almost had a stroke, but her arms were too short.

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Sal the boxing promoter gets a call Saturday morning of fight night

“Hey boss, it’s Joe at the gym. Big Frank’s had an accident and broke his thumb. He can’t fight for a month”
Sal goes into a melt down. Big Frank was his heavyweight prospect and the headline of that nights card in the Big Apple. Faced with refunding the tickets he gets on the phone to all the ot...

Three old ladies are sitting in the park feeding the pigeons.

All of a sudden a large man jumps in front of the trio, pulls open his trench coat and flashes his manhood.

The first old lady immediately has a stroke. The second old lady also had a stroke but the third old lady's arms were too short to reach.

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My sexual stamina is a lot like that old blink-182 song...

Life is too short to last long

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