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Tonsil Jokes

What did one tonsil say to the other?

You better get dressed, the doctor is going to take us out tonight.

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

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Sex after surgery

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
“How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed th...

What did the kid say to his mother after getting his tonsils removed?

Look ma no glands

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

"I've just had the worst time" the boy said.

"First I had angina pectoris, and then arteriosclerosis. As I was recovering, I got psoriasis. Hypodermics was followed by tonsillitis, and lastly they gave me appendectomy."

"Wow!" said his friends."How did you survive?"

"I don't know" said the boy. "Toughest spelling test I've ever h...

A man went into surgery to remove his tonsils.

Due to a hospital error he got circumcised.


Media was alerted by an anonymous tip.

I got some really cool clothing for my tonsils

Now I have post-nasal drip

A man has a sore throat and goes to the doctor...

Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."

Patient: "I want a second opinion!"

Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive blonde was failing math class...

She approached the professor, distraught, and asked if she could speak with him.

He, of course, was eager to assist.

She then sat down, and started to explain ...

'Professor, when I was 8, my appendix burst and they had to take it out.

I then wrecked my bike and they had...

I was arrested for allowing Gordon Sumner to remove my tonsils.

Turns out The Police were running a Sting operation.

The epic journey of the sperm cell

Once upon a time, a brand new sperm cell was being instructed by an older sperm cell.

"Right," he said, "this is what's going to happen: one day you'll be having a nap and you'll hear a siren. You rush out as fast as can, make absolutely sure you swim as hard as you can, because you HAVE to b...

Two 5 year old boys are in the hospital waiting to go into surgery. The first boy asks the other, "What are having done?"

"I'm having my tonsils taken out."

"Oh you're going to love it. I had that done last year and I got to eat ice cream for a week. Best week ever."

The second boy asks, "What about you?"

"Circumcision," the first boy replies.

The second boy responds, "I had that done when ...

Two sperm are swimming along. One looks at the other and asks, "Are we there yet?"

The other replies, "We still got a ways to go. We barely just passed the tonsils"

An 8 year old (Billy) and a 9 year old (Tommy) are sitting in a waiting room with their moms at a hospital

Billy asks Tommy why he’s there.

Tommy says, “To get my tonsils removed.”

Billy says, “Oh don’t worry, it’s not so bad. You get to stay home from school and eat all the ice cream you want.”

Tommy then asks Billy, “Why are you here?”

Billy says, “For a circumcision.”...

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An American doctor and a Cuban doctor are having drinks...

.. and bragging about how good they are in their fields.

The American doctor says "I can do a kidney transplant in 4 hours."

Cuban doctor says "I got you beat. I can do it in 3."

The American doctor says "I can do open heart surgery in less than 3 hours!"

Cuban doctor say...

Keep Swimming!

Lead sperm: "Come on guys, keep swimming! I see the egg, we're almost there!"

Sperm in the back: "Those are the tonsils you idiot."

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they gi...

Two sperm are swimming along, searching for an egg to fertilize

The first sperm says, “are we almost there? I don’t know how much longer I can do this!”

The second sperm responds, “keep going buddy, you can do it. We just passed the tonsils!”

Sperm journey

One sperm asks another, “How far is it to the ovaries?” The other one answers, “Relax. We only just passed the tonsils.”

Two sperm were traveling side by side when one of them yells "Oh yeah! We're off to make a baby!"

The other sperm says "Take it easy man, it's a long trip. We only just passed the tonsils."

So one sperms says to the other sperm.. NSFW

"How long til we get to the ovaries?"
.
The other sperm replies,
"hopefully soon, we just passed the tonsils"

NSFW: Sperm 1: God I'm getting tired! How long 'til we reach the fallopian tubes?

Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils.

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Two Drunk Buddies

Joe and John are leaving the bar towards the alley.

Joe: "I am so drunk I have to vomit but I can't."

John: "It's easy, you just have to touch your tonsils with your finger and you will throw without you knowing."

Joe: "Ok" (trying with his middle finger). "As hard as I tried bu...

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The Princess Royal is being shown around a military hospital.

As she approaches one of the beds the soldier blushes red and tries to hide under the sheet, but HRH is having none of it, and she asks the RSM showing her round: "What is this man's ailment, sergeant-major?".

"Haemorrhoids, ma'am!" says the RSM crisply. HRH curves a well-mannered eyebrow whi...

2 sperm are racing toward the egg.

One sperm asks the other "How far is it until we reach the egg?"

The other sperm replies "It can't be far now we just passed the tonsils"

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Two sperm have just been ejaculated into a woman...

... and they're conversing. One says to another, "Man, I'm feeling myself getting tired and we haven't even reached the Fallopian tubes. How much longer?"

The other says, "I'd say a while. I think we just passed the tonsils."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful young girl goes into the doctors office (not a blonde joke)

The doctor has her get undressed. She is the most exquisite woman he's seen. He starts the examination.

He has her open her mouth. All he can think about is putting his penis in there for a blowjob. He starts to feel in her mouth.

Do you know what I'm doing? he asks. Yes, she replies,...

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Two women are talking about giving blowjobs.

The first says "I don't like sucking my boyfriend's dick".

"Why not?" the second asks.

Just then their third friend joins them.

"He's just too big. I feel it right in the back of my throat".

"I know what you mean", says the second woman, "Steve's so big that I feel him ba...

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Two doctors go hunting together...

They are both at the top of their fields. As they decide to take a break under a tree, one looks up and spots a sleeping owl.

The first doctor says "I'm so good, I can climb this tree and remove that owl's tonsils without waking him up."

He then climbs the tree and does just that.
<...

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Two Doctors

Two doctors decide to go on a hunting trip. The first is a urologist, specializing in vasectomies, and the other is an ENT specializing in tonsillectomies. They set up in their blind and sit all day without seeing anything. Disappointed, they make their hike back to the truck. On the way back they c...

Two men are in the operating room

Two men are in the operating room getting prepared for surgery.



One says to the other, "Hey buddy, what are you in for?"



The other says, " I'm here to get my tonsils taken out"





The first man says "Oh that's not so bad. I had that done when I was...

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