A man was detained by police after leaving a dollar in his pants, which went through the wash.

He was arrested for money laundrying

What happens when you put a drier sheet in the washing machine?

It becomes a wetter sheet.

(original joke. Can't find it anywhere)

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

Today I accidentally put my wallet in the washing machine

I suppose I'm now a money launderer

I was worried that my new T-shirt would go down a size in the wash

Then the unshrinkable happened

I was in the pub last night telling my mate the joke about, “What would you do if an epileptic was having a fit in the bath....throw the washing in”

However, the guy on the next table said, “My brother is epileptic and had a fit in the bath, and died."

If the ground could have swallowed me up I'd of been happy. I said, “Sorry to hear that, mate. Did he drown?"

He said, "No, he choked on a sock"

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A woman scolds her husband for not fixing the washing machine...

He scoffs at her and says, "What do I look like, the Maytag man?". The washing machine goes unfixed. Later that week, the pipes under the sink keep getting backed up so she asks her husband to fix that. He rolls his eyes and says, What do I look like, Mr. Clean?". A couple days later, she notices a ...

I reached into the washing machine to find my favorite shirt destroyed. It looks like it was murdered.

It was a casual T.

What do you call a bag of tea that's gone through the wash?

Linty.

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It’s Saturday morning. Bob’s just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon.

So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and calls home.
“Hello?” says a little girl’s voice.
“Hi, honey, it’s Daddy,” says Bob. “Is mommy near the phone?”
“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.”

After a brief pause, Bob says, “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank, honey...

“You’re children’s clothes smell great. It’s like they just came out of the washing machine!!”

They did. They were screaming.

I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener.

Now her clothes don't fit.

I accidentally left my wallet in my jeans when I put them in the wash...

I got busted for Money Laundering

Did you hear about the washed-up gambler who drank himself to death?

He died of Reno failure.

Some of my clothes are getting ripped to shreds when I use the washing machine.

It keeps happening every time. I think it's a vicious cycle.

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Why did the washing machine laugh?

..Because it was taking the piss out of the sheets

Looking out of the window I saw a neighbour stealing my socks off the washing line

I was going to confront him but I got cold feet

My wife came rushing in out of the garden and said, "There's a pair of my knickers missing off the washing line."

I said, "I know, the two kids from next door have them." She said, "The dirty little perverts." I said, "It's nothing like that, they mentioned something about building a hammock."

What do you call it when you put syrup in the washing machine?

A viscous cycle

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My next door neighbour just confronted me about her clothes going missing from the washing line ..

I nearly shit her pants

Why did the washing machine stop?

Somebody threw the towel in.

A new survey shows that a fifth of British men have no idea how to turn on the washing machine.

I find chocolates or flowers usually do the trick.

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I accidently put my USB through the washing machine

It's still works, but it's really clean now. All the porn is gone.

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Some bastard stole my penis warmer off the washing line last night...

I'm not bothered about the penis warmer, I would just like the 30 pegs back.

I hate putting my clothes in the washing machine...

they always seem so agitated when I take them out.

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A bouncer is working on a Saturday night at a popular nightclub for household utensils...

... One of the regulars, a mirror, comes outside for a smoke and greets him.

As they make small talk, a toilet approaches flaunting a pristine gold plated lid. The bouncer immediately lets him in.

The mirror rolls his eyes as the toilet pushes through.

Next, a limo pulls up and ...

Do you know the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

The washing machine can only handle one load at a time.

Blonde Joke

A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.


The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young blonde woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.


“That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better l...

How do the Reavers clean their spears?

>!they run them through the wash!<

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A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, supervised by a few gruff looking nuns.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. The elder nuns insisted that only they would attend to him. The next evening there was a crash and a scream!! The sister ran out the door as fast as she could.

Sister Marry Cla...

How does a Reaver clean its spear?

It runs it through the Wash.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, motherfucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters. The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes o...

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Old Farmer On His Death Bed

An old farmer was lying on his death bed, his doting, loyal wife by his side, holding his hand.

"You've always been there for me. Remember when we were courting, my car's handbrake failed and I broke my leg? You were there.

"And remember when I sliced off three of my fingers with the ...

Where do you go to find something you lost at a laundromat?

The washed and found

Hey reddit, here's a weird game:

For every upvote, I'll remove one item of clothing.

(come on guys, the washing-line is almost empty.)

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I just got accepted to make a porno.

I play the role of the husband going off to work whilst my wife waits for the plumber to come and fix the washing machine.

How cool is that!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold...

Even Santa can have a bad day.

There he was one Christmas Eve many years ago, he'd had a runner break on the sleigh and had elves working round the clock to fix it; the toy workshop had a hole in the roof and half the year's run of toys were ruined by rainwater; two of the reindeer had colic and he had to drag two elderly ones ou...

A worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the woman on the phone, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and...

So I decided to name my cat sox.

to be fair I started with two cats but lost one in the wash.

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A Few Very Important Lessons You Will Learn Only After You Have Kids

A "King Style" water bed contains enough water to turn a 200 Sq m apartment into a 12 cm deep lake.

The voice of a 4 year old can deafen 200 normally talking adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you tie a dog leash to a room fan, the motor of the latter is not powerful enough to lift 23...

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.

"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead." So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you lef...

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In the public washroom

2 teenagers stand at the wash basin, 1st teen washed his hands with soap then dries.

2nd teen washes his hands, uses toilet paper then uses hand sanitizer, at the door he says: My dad told me to was hands then use sanitizer after.

Out came a third guy not even washing anything.

...

So my brother made a dad joke

I put my pants in the washing machine and forgot to take my headphones out of my pocket. After they were done washing my brother realized what I did, he asked me

"Is the sound cleaner now?"

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