My friend wouldn’t stop talking about file compression

So I told him to “*zip it*”

I really wish people would stop talking about my problematic past.

It’s time to talk about my problematic future.

Why didn't the prisoner stop talking?

Because he had a really long sentence.

My girlfriend told me she would lick my bumhole on the flight if I stop talking about my favourite Bethesda game.

I can't wait for my Skyrim.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I turned to beastiality because my wife wouldn't stop talking, talking, talking.

But now its just yak, yak, yak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Therapist: you need to stop talking to yourself

You're doing it right now

How you get a drug dealer to stop talking to you?

You unplug

Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men??

He became a mute ant.

My buddy, who's a blacksmith, won't stop talking about how awesome his new dog is.

Apparently, as soon as he got him, he made a bolt for the door.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girls can’t stop talking about my huge dick

All week I’ve been hearing “what a huge dick” every time someone mentions me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist says I should stop talking to the voices in my head.

But my wife says I don’t have a therapist.

On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking...

*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.


The woman ignores him.


*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*


The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the ...

What did the man say when Sarah Palin wouldn’t stop talking?

Oh no, it must be Palindrone Week.

My friend's new flame is in a wheelchair. Despite that he is madly in love and can't stop talking about her.

Personally i find her pretty lame.

Why did Miss.Piggy stop talking?

she had a frog in her throat

If you don’t stop talking to me in Scooby-Doo references it’s over

Alright gang,let’s split up

Did you hear the one about the Seahawk who wouldn't stop talking?

He kept beating a dead horse.

When someone tells you that the integers are a more useful set of numbers than the natural numbers, stop talking to them.

You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said if I didn’t stop talking about work she’d leave me. She got sexy and asked my favorite position to help.

I guess “ceo” was the wrong answer. She’s leaving me.

C'mon, guys. Let's stop talking about pi day.

Its getting irrational.

There's a new 12 step program for people who can't stop talking.

On-and-on-anon.

My wife has been trying to teach our son sign language

I was skeptical at first because she started so young, but he is starting to catch on. Without a word I watched her ask if he was “all done” or “wanted more” food during dinner. He tapped his fingers together, signaling he would like more food. I sat in disbelief as she added more food to his plate....

My girlfriend got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...

...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

A couple are walking through a graveyard and see a man crying at a graveside.....

As they get closer they stop talking to show respect, and overhear him crying: "Why did you have to die? My life was so perfect. I'd wake up every day happy and looking forward to life. Now everything is black, and I wake up every day wondering how much longer I can go on."
He notices the ...

Size does matter.

I was getting head from this chick for the first time but she kept talking. It was ruining my the whole experience.

Was trying to find the right words to make her stop talking.

What came out was “ it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full.”

She replied “well, it’s not....f...

Time's Person of the Year 2020 will be a Sikh man.

People just can't stop talking about this Saushal Dastan Singh fellow.

A man owned a sentient calculator

He would show it to people all the time, and tell them about the sentient calculator. He'd ask a question, and the calculator would give the answer, and every time it was the correct one. At first, people were excited, and they would demand to know what the trick was. A lot of theories, ranging from...

A girl I am dating said, "I expect to be treated like a Disney Princess."

So I told her to pretend she is the Little Mermaid and stop talking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Man and Old Woman in a Nursing home

An old man and an old woman live in a nursing home. Their spouses have died and they're lonely. After meeting each other, they begin dating. Because they're so old, they can't engage in sex anymore, but they like to just lie in bed, while the old woman holds the old man's penis.

This goes on ...

Once, in an African village,

a native man walked up to a missionary with a look of fury on his face. "My wife gave birth today," the native growled, "and the baby is white! And you're the only white person within 100 miles of here! "
The missionary glanced around guiltily for a moment but quickly regained his composure. "Loo...

A priest and a rabbi are friends . . .

And the priest is always talking to the rabbi about how great ham sandwiches are, and how he's totally missing out by not being able to eat them. Every time they have lunch together, he orders a ham sandwich, and spends the entire meal raving about how salty and savory and delicious it is. Any time...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest walks into a bar

A priest walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and asks for a drink.

“Sorry,” says the bartender, “we don’t serve your kind here.”

Baffled, the priest tries to object, but before he can, the bartender walks off. So, furious, the priest just decides to leave. But as he’s walkin...

I went pillow shopping the other day but I left angry [OC]

The salesman wouldn’t stop talking down to me.

"Are you coming over?" "Yes, I'm coming over."

"We should probably stop talking using the radios, over."

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door.

The woman answers, and the salesman says "Lady, I have the best damn vaccuum cleaner in the whole world."

Before she could decline, he invited himself in. "Lady," he said, "This vaccuum cleaner can suck up anything. In fact, if you leave it running, it'll probably suck the carpet up!"

...

Dave and his Bob-Ross-Obsessed friend were playing chess.

Dave made a move, and immediately regretted it.

Dave went "whelp, that was a mistake."

His friend immediately shot back "It wasn't a mistake, just a happy accident."


Dave's brother in the next room over heard and replied, "Stop talking about me!"




(My best ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's the 1950s, and four Russians come to Moscow after a long trip...

They check in a hotel; Ivan is trying to sleep, while his three friends start drinking and talking. Ivan asks them to stop several times, but they just ignore him.

Soon, they get really drunk and start telling political jokes; they laugh so noisily after each one that Ivan, really pissed off ...

An Elf Ranger was touring the remote mountain village in which he lived, when suddenly a man ran out of the house and came up to him.

"Ranger!" the man demanded. "My wife recently gave birth to an Elf! And you are the only Elf anywhere around here, everyone else is human! Explain yourself!"

"Now, don't judge too harshly," The Ranger answered and pointed towards the boars in the man's front yard. "You see, boars are normally...

all cats are communist

they just wont stop talking about mao.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife went to a fancy dinner party at a friend’s estate...

...while there, the husband, feeling the luxurious meal, embarks on a journey to the restroom. After a good bit of time he returns and his wife begins to ask if he is feeling alright.

Interrupting, he enthusiastically describes “the most beautiful, wonderful toilet anybody has ever seen! Made...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So one day, I'm crossing the road...

and all of a sudden, a huge chicken starts walking beside me and introduces itself by saying "Hi, I'm Chicken Hu". I'm thinking "Holy shit, a talking chicken". I ask Chicken, I say "Hi Chicken, where are you from?". He says, "I was born in San Francisco". Surprised, I say "No, but where are you actu...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.