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Poker Player Jokes

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll ha...

Why did the poker player get beat up off his uncle?

Because he upped his ante

What’s the similarity between a Poker player and a Butcher?

At some point, both will raise the steaks

What do you call a visually impaired obese poker player?

Big Blind

Did you hear about the poker player that frustrated the palm reader?

He refused to show his hand.

What is the difference between a politician and a poker player?

None. They are both lying with a poker face on.

What did the poker player do with the last piece of toilet paper?

Fold

Which piano player is the most predictable poker player?

Ben Folds

My friend is a keen poker player

He recently lost his arm in a car accident - They've given him a prosthetic but he's finding it really hard to deal with.

Why is John Snow a confident poker player?

Because he just upped the aunty.

What is a common phrase that both poker players and cannibals say?

Just finish the hand!

Why do Poker players only use analog clocks?

It helps them practice reading hands

What’s the one thing professional poker players and plumbers can agree on?

A royal flush is better than a full house

Do you know why poker players can't have tattoos with words?

Because the others could read them like a book.

A man and his wife die in a car accident

The man is greeted by Death. "Choose your game", says Death, "win and you will get a second chance at life, lose and you will die".

As an avid poker player, its an easy choice for the man.

As they begin, the man loses the first few hands.

As the next hand is drawn, the man is st...

What's a poker player's favorite sitcom?

Full House.

Why do stoners make lousy poker players?

Because they keep smoking the pot.

Why do origami artists make terrible poker players?

They always fold.

Poker joke for you

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress:
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the ta...

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