A man walks up to the pearly white gates of heaven

God looks down on him and speaks.

“We don’t know of anything particularily good or bad you have done in your lifetime, so it is up to you to tell us a story that will persuade us in a certain direction whether it be heaven or hell.”

The man looks up shakingly and responds with a story...

An old man dies and stands before the pearly white gates

He's standing there, knocking on the pearly gates, but unfortunately for him St Peter's on his lunch break. However, it just so happens that after a little while Jesus passes by. Being the helpful sort, he goes up to the gates and asks if he can help.

"Yes," says the old man, "I've just died ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pearly whites gates of heaven

A group of nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. Standing there is St andrew. The nuns line up and St andrew asks the first one question. He says
"Before you enter i must ask, have you ever touched a penis "
The nun quietly says "yes, but only with my fingertips" St andrew tells her to wash her...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are at the pearly white gates of heaven and are greeted by St. Peter

Three men are at the pearly white gates of heaven and are greeted by St. Peter.
Regretfully, st . Peter says that heaven is full and as a result he can only choose one of them.
“Tell me about how you died and I will decide who shall go forth” he said.

The first man steps forward and say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A world known pair of thieves were visiting the Escoffier Museum of Culinary Arts in France.

They were looking to make their final steal the biggest yet. They walk up the pearly white steps and into the old yellow plastered building.

As they walk in, the man turns to the woman and asks, "What do you think we should take? I want our last job to be remembered for years!"

The wo...

An old pub had a dog called Rover

An old pub had a dog called Rover, who all the patrons loved. Unfortunately, one day Rover passed away. To honour the passing of their beloved dog, they cut off his tail and pinned it above the fireplace.

With this, Rover went up to doggy heaven where he was met at the pearly white gates by S...

3 blondes die and go to heaven...

3 blondes die and go to heaven. Before they can pass through the pearly white gates, they must climb 100 steps, and each step has a old man with a joke. If they laugh, they get sent to hell. They get onto the first step, and the old man tells the joke. The first blonde laughs, and is sent to hell. T...

A man died and went to heaven

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly white gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,
"What are those clocks for?"
St. Peter Answered "Those are lie clocks, everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time you lie your clock will move."
"Oh" said the man, "Whose cloc...

Don’t know if this is a repost but here we go.

Three men die and arrive at the pearly white gates of heaven. St. Paul says, “Depending on how loyal you were to your wife you will be awarded a vehicle.” The first man steps up and says, “I have been with my wife for 15 years and I cheated on her 4 times.” So doing what he said, St. Paul gives him ...

The Zebra in Heaven.

My mom told me this awhile back, it made me laugh so I thought I would share.

A zebra had died and when he got to the pearly white gates of heaven, he was greeted by Saint Peter.
"Welcome to Heaven." said Saint peter.

"Wow, so this is Heaven huh? Its beautiful!" said the zebra.
<...

Three nuns waiting to get into heaven..

So three Nuns await at the pearly white gates to get into heaven. St. Peter tells them that they must each answer one question each correctly before being allowed in.

St. Peter: First nun, your question is, who was the first man on the planet?

First Nun: Oh that's an easy one, Adam!...

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