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Opening Line Jokes

A young pastor sought advice from a retired clergyman on how to capture the attention of his congregation during his first sermon.

The experienced pastor suggested he start with an attention-grabbing opening line like, "Some of the best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife." He smiled at the younger man's shocked expression before adding, 'She was my mother.'

The following Sunday, the y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this actor was out of work...

...and gets a call from his agent one day.

"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."

"Alright!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"

"HARK, I HEAR THE CANNONS ROAR!," says the agent.

"Alright" says the actor. "When's the a...

I always had a pee fetish, I met a girl on tinder with the same interest. She was pretty good looking but not a 10

My opening line was “urinate”

In the middle of his administration, President Trump went to give a speech to a prison…

Trump’s speech writer had everything ready for him except for the opening line.

“How about ‘My fellow Americans..’” Trump suggested.
“I’m sorry Mr. President but many prisoners may be of foreign nationality.” His speech writer warned.

“Okay. Then ‘My fellow citizens…’”

“I’...

*Doing a stand up gig for a charity for people in wheelchairs*

Opening line - "If this was a YouTube video the comments would be disabled"

Did you hear about the crazy doorman?

He was completely unhinged.



I think something's missing. Maybe the opening line?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't take this the wrong way...

is not good opening line to propose anal sex to your girlfriend...

Bookstores are a great place to meet women...

... But not so if your opening line is "What does this word mean?"

I hope you don't like self-deprecating humor. I'm terrible at it.

^ Came up with this while trying to think of witty opening lines for tinder. It didn't make the cut. Thought Reddit might like it though.

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