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Nicolas Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Covid pandemic now is like Nicolas Cage career

It continues, but nobody gives a shit

Nicolas Cage might be crazy

But you gotta admit, the man is a national treasure

What do you call a broke Nicolas Cage?

Nickel-less Cage...

John Travolta and Nicolas Cage walk into a bar...

The barman says, "Why the wrong face?"

In 1910 a Russian man was ranting and raving about Tsar Nicolas II

“Nicolas is an idiot! Nicolas is a moron!” He shouted in the streets.

He was arrested by the police for defaming the monarch and quickly denied his remarks.

“I meant another Nicolas!”

The police replied, “If you said idiot you were most definitely talking about the Tsar.”

How does Nicolas Cage answer his phone?

"Yes, I'll do your movie!"

Why is Nicolas Cage's radio so loud?

He doesn't know how to turn things down

There's a movie called The Rock that doesn't star The Rock, but rather Nicolas Cage.

If The Rock ever stars in a movie called Cage I fear this will only grow more confusing.

Did you hear about the acting role Nicolas Cage turned down?

Neither has he

Nicolas Maduro walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer

"That'll be 1.254,430,197 bolivars, sir!"

"1,279,722,978 bolivars?! No one can afford a 1,327,003,407 bolivar beer!"

Golf

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. Your Holiness, said one of the Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths. The Pope thou...

Why can Saint Nicolas never be prosecuted?

Because of the Santa Clause

What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!

It was the night before Christmas

Three colleagues were stumbling their way home after having several drinks after work, at the local pub. Unfortunately on their way home, they were struck by a car and all died instantly.

Moments later, they all found themselves in front of the pearly gates of heaven, Saint Nicolas was waiti...

People make fun of me for being poor

I am not penniless.

I am Nicolas.

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

What's the most messed up trap for Santa?

A Nicolas Cage.

A customer came into a shop and told the shop assistant that he wanted to buy a Kim Jong-il

Assistant: Excuse me, a what?

Customer: Oh sorry, I have trouble remembering the names of items, so I use word association. I want to buy a short ruler.

Assistant: Oh, a Nicolas Sarkozy. Why didn't you say so?

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