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Matey Jokes

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey!

Request: PG Pirate Jokes

I have two jokes that I use a bunch and requesting a third.

1. What did the pirate say at his 80th birthday?
Ayyyy, matey

2. What's a pirate's favorite letter? You think it be R, but my first love be the C

Why do pirates love reddit?

Tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold.

Aye matey, what be a pirates favorite letter?

-
-
-
Everyone thinks it be I, but a pirates TRUE love be the C!

A pirate goes to the doctor

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."
The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

A pirate wearing a paper towel on his head walks into a bar. The bartender asks “What’s with the paper towel?”

The pirate says “Arrr matey, I have a bounty on me head!”

How big of a "ye matey" should a pirate have

A vast ye matey

'How old arr you?' asked one of the pirate's sailors.

The pirate replied, 'Aye matey.'

Why did the pirate go ashore?

For a little R & R, matey.

What do you call a sentient robot pirate?

Aaarrgh-tificial intelligence, me matey!

What is a pirate's favorite letter?...

If you think R, you be wrong, matey.

For it be the mighty C.

What did the 80 year old pirate say?

Aye matey. Then the 82 year old pirate said, aye matey too. The 80yo pirate said, no you're not, you're eighty two! I'm eighty. Then the 82 year old pirate said, Aye matey! Then the 80yo pirate said, no you're not! You're eighty two! Then the 82 year old pirate said, Aye matey! Then the...

A Sea Captain looks through his telescope

and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".

"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.

"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".

The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks ou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees a pirate.

A man strolls into his local bar and is shocked to see a pirate sitting at the end of the bar. The guy was decked out, eye patch, peg leg, and a hook hand. A real, proper pirate.

So the man says "why not?" And pulls up a seat next to the pirate. He buys a round for himself and the pirate and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pirate walks into a bar

The bartender notices the pirate has a peg leg.

Bartender: Wow! What happened to your leg?

Pirate: We was in a fight on the high seas and there ‘‘twas a cannonball shot into it. They had to amputate me leg.

The bartender then notices a hook on one of his arms.

Bartender: ...

Me: “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?”

Them: “Arrrrrr”

Me in pirate accent: “No, a pirate’s first love be the *sea* matey”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do pirates go to get high quality goods for almost no money at all?

You might think they’d go to Walmarrrrrt for their every day low prices.

Or maybe Tarrrrrrrget for the barrrrrrgains.

Or Ebayyyye to buy used goods from other mateys.

But they’re pirates.

They don’t go to the store to get things. They go to sea and fucking steal shit....

Why was the pirate army of 100 men at 4/5 strength?

They could only afford to arr matey

Old one but still my favorite bartender joke.

A pirate ship captain walks into bar. He shanties up to the counter and slaps has grizzled hand on the bar.

“Yar matey, give me a drink!” he says to the bartender.

The bartender looks over at him, but before he says anything he notices a full-size nautical steering wheel attached to ...

It's Halloween and a little boy dressed as a pirate goes up to the door and yells "Trick or treat!"

The man opens the door, and upon seeing the little boy says "Hey matey! Where's your buccaneers?"

The little boy says "Under my bunkin' hat!"

What did one π rad say to the other π rad?

"arrrr matey!"

A pirate goes to the doctor..

'Thar be strange moles on me back'
Doctors has a look.
'They're benign'
'Check again matey,I counted 10'

pirate

Which famous writer used to be a pirate?





George arrr arrr matey

The Tale of Greenbeard the Pirate

Greenbeard got his name due his poor table manners and lack of proper beard hygiene, but let's not get into that just now - Greenbeard loved chocolate. He loved chocolate more than jewels. He loved chocolate more than diamonds. He even loved chocolate more than gold - and there isn't anything most p...

Yesterday I met a pirate that wouldn't stop telling me about his age.

Aye matey.

An interview with a Pirate

A reporter was interviewing a pirate.
He asked, "Sir, how did you lose your leg?"
"Well, matey, that was back in the bloody war o' '72, when we cut the heads off o' every last one of the deadliest rascals on the Seven Seas, The Mutineers."
"How did you lose your hand?"
"T...

A pirate walks into a bar,

He has what appears to be a steering wheel tucked into his pants.

Another patron of the bar asks,

"why do you have that in your pants? Isn't it uncomfortable?"

The pirate responded,

"Aye, matey, it's driving me nuts!"

A 79 year old pirate has his next birthday this morning....

he wakes up and says to his crew, "AYE-matey!"

A crusty, old pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender notices a giant ship's wheel protruding from his belt buckle.

As the bartender sets down the drink, his curiosity gets the better of him, so he says, "Hey, forgive me for staring, but I couldn't help but notice that giant ship's wheel on your crotch. What's that all about?"

To which the pirate replies, "Aye matey, 'tis no real mystery you see, but it's ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unfortunate pirate

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?”

Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer han...

Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election

One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."

The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
...

Why did the pirate update his Macbook?

His matey told him he needed an iPatch

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