Why did the pirate go on vacation?

He felt like he needed some argh and argh

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer.

Don't go," he yelled at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!"

His wife called from the kitchen, "What on earth are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

A ship is ambushed in the open ocean.

After a couple hours of combat, the crew is overwhelmed and pirates come aboard. They proceed to line up the captured men and one by one ask who they think the best sailor is on their vessel. The majority of men say that the lookout Seamus has the most experience under his belt. Hearing this the pir...

It was a boys first day on the pirate ship.

He asked the Pirate Captain.

“Why do you have a wooden leg?”

The Pirate Captain replied.

“Argh. I was swimming in the ocean and a shark bit me leg off so I have this wooden peg to replace what’s gone”.

The boy then asked.

“Why do you have a hook for a hand?”
...

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"

"Well, I have taller ants than you"

"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"

"Hah, I have an entire tin"

"I got bread!"

"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

Two eggs in a frying pan

One says to the other; “wow! It’s warm in here!”
The other replies “Argh!!! A talking egg!”

I just found that Aaarghh is not a real word.

I can’t express how angry that makes me.

A pirate walks into a bar.

Attached to his crotch is the steering wheel to his ship.

Curious, the bartender asks, “why is that attached to your crotch?”

The pirate replies “argh! I don’t know, but it’s driving me nuts!”

The English we Speak....

**Helen:** Hello and welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English, I'm Helen. With me today is quite a frustrated-looking Neil. Neil, what are you doing to that mobile phone?


**Neil:** Argh, I can't get it to make a phone call. It does everything else: it takes photos, it c...

Why couldn’t the kids see a pirate movie?

Because it was rated argh

Three young friends, lil' droplet, lil' feather and lil' brick ask their mothers about how they got their names...

Lil' droplet went up to her mother and asked, "Mommy, why is my name Lil' droplet?"

And so, Lil droplet's mother answered, "Well, it's because a little water droplet fell on your head the moment you were born."

Of course, Lil' droplet went off with glee, happy with the answer.

T...

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Two Students from Asia Came to My High School...

They were twins, a guy, Ving, and a girl, Ling. Ving is in my math class, and the dude's like a math wiz. I'm really struggling, so I ask Ving if he'd give me a hand on the homework. Ving says yeah, he just wants me to do him a favor. I'm like yeah sure what. He asks me to drive him to the city hall...

I went to dinner and there was a man dressed as a pirate at the bar (long)

I had to find out what the deal was with this guy so I sat down next to him.

We talked for a while and then eventually he turned towards me and that's when I noticed he had a ship steering wheel sticking right out of his pants.

I tried listening to his story but it was too distract...

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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink..

Bartender looks at his peg leg and says, "Hey. What happened to your leg, buddy?"

Pirate says, "Ohh, I got me leg blown off by a cannonball years ago."

Bartender starts pouring another drink, sees the pirate's hook and says, "Wow! What about your arm?"

Pirate says, "Ohhh...

What’s a pirates favorite letter?

Argh many people will say r but it’s the sea!

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Not, not "Argh." Too obvious.

Not the "C" either. Everyone has heard that one.

"Without a P he's irate hahahahaha!" Blah blah blah. Nope.

Give up?

A letter of marque. It makes his profession semi legitimate, provides for a legal way to store his wealth in his homeland, an...

What tax filing service does a pirate use?

H&ARGH Block

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What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

ARGH FUCK! MY NOSE!

Drunk...

A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.

After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.

He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the...

What did the cannibal say when he met a fully armored knight?

Argh... Canned food again?

Things you don't want to hear while undergoing an operation

* Did he say the right or left leg?

* I'd feel a lot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like back at school.

* Buddy! Buddy! Come back with that! Bad dog!

* Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie.

* Oh no! I just lost my watch.

* Argh! There go the...

The creator of Arby's was a pirate.

He was walking one day thinking of a name for his new restaurant, until he got stung by a bee and shouted "Argh-bees!"

Pirates

The FBI seize a collection of pirated movies.

The movies were Footloose, dirty dancing, ferris bueller's day off, ghost busters and the breakfast club.

As the pirate sees his beloved movies taken away from him, he cries

"ARGH! Me eighties!"

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Family Drive

A young boy is sitting on the back seat out on family drive. The family are driving behind a large truck. As they are driving behind this truck it hits a pot hole in the road and a dildo falls out of the back of the truck and hits the windscreen of the car.

"What was that"? The boy ask his F...

The Rich Man's Car Door

One day, a rich man was walking out from a store, and back to his Ferrari. He reached his car and opened the door. At that very moment, another passing car smashes into his car door, ripping it off its hinges, before zooming away.

Upset about the hit and run, the rich man quickly called the p...

Old School Pirate Crime

Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that wil...

I met a Scot one day who was wearing a kilt.

I asked him "Is it true you guys don't wear underwear under there?"

"Aye laddy" he says "why dont ye stick yer hand up there and see fer yerself."

As I reached up, I couldn't help but say "Argh, that's gruesome."

"Aye, it has," he says "And if ye leave yer hand in there it'll gr...

People are always mistaken thinking there is only 1 letter in the pirate dictionary, in actual fact there is 10

Eye eye, argh and the 7 seas

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A reporter goes into a village...

... for a newspaper interview. Once there, he asks around and the people direct him toward an elderly that was laying in front of his house who supposedly had been through many experiences. The journalist then meet the old man and ask him to tell him a story that he would publish in the next newspap...

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