For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero?

Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.

My wife made up this joke in a dream and woke herself up laughing...

Q: How do you tell the difference between a Golder Retriever and a Dalmatian?

A: You get down on the floor and spin them around real fast. One of them is yellow and the other one is gray.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've made up my mind. I'm choosing a career path as an electrician.

I just found out they get to work with dikes and strippers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew?

Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)

Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle h...

What do you call a color you just made up?

A pigment of your imagination!

A joke I made up 10yr ago on a road trip: What did the calendar say on its death bed

My days are numbered

My son made up this joke. Knock knock

-Who's there?
-Alexa
-Alexa who?
-Sorry I don't know that one. You can always leave feedback on the Alexa app.

What do you call a committee made up entirely of people named William?

A Billboard.

Here's one my kid made up when she was 8... Why couldn't the guy find his map?

Because he lost his map.

A “joke” my friend made up in middle school to prove I’d laugh at anything (I cried laughing unfortunately)

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. The server comes up to him and says: “what’ll you have?”

The man says “I’ll take blood in a monkey glass”.

The bartender says “excuse me?”

The man says “blood in a monkey glass, ya know just...blood in a monkey glass”

The bartender...

When my sister was 5 she made up this one: WHY DID THE CACTUS CROSS THE ROAD?

Because it was stuck to the chicken!

Made up an absolutely horrible joke this morning. It needs work tough like my lazy uncle Mike.

I got in a fight with my Girlfriend this morning because I forgot to cut up her breakfast for her. She just go home from the hospital cause last week she was in a horrible car accident she lost an arm, broke her leg and is going to be in a wheel chair for the foreseeable future to be honest I'm jus...

Joke my little brother made up

What is a dead man's favorite food? Biscuits and gravy.

My dad always made me feel special because he made up knock knock jokes just for me, but I couldn't always understand them.

Last time I saw him he said:

> Knock knock

Who's there?

> You're a mountain

You're a mountain, who?

> You're a mountain to nothing, son!

A made up a joke about covid-19 that will work only in the future...

... It'll be fun when nobody gets it.

(Stay safe y'all)

69% of all statistics are made up

Every 69 I’ve ever been involved in was made up

I have achieved my life's goal of writing an entire theatrical performance made up entirely of puns.

It's a play on words.

What do you call a body of water made up of politicians?

Bay of Pigs.

Also works with “What do you call a body of water made up of cops?”

A lame joke I made up based on an existing joke. Sorry if it's bad.

One day Sean joined a quiz team.

He and his teammates studied really hard for a quiz competition.

On the night of the quiz competition, in the last round, Sean and his team was 1 point behind first place.

However, they had one more question that if answered correctly, would awar...

A joke I just made up at work

What is Covid-19's favorite drink?

You may think it's Corona, but in fact it is

Coughy

If the Big Bang happened 13.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed, and all of our bodies are made up of matter, that means we are 13.8 billion years old.

So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough.

Just made up this chemistry joke, what do you think?

A sodium atom and a chlorine atom meet in a bar. During the conversation, these 2 atoms really start to *bond*.

Everything seems to be going well but shortly after the chlorine atom bursts into tears.

"What's wrong?!" the sodium atom asked.

"I'm negatively charged!" the chlorine...

What do you call a boy band made up of misogynistic men?

Despise girls

Thanks to whoever made up the word plethora

It means a lot

Why isn’t energy made up of atoms?

It doesn’t matter.

A Father’s Day joke my 8 year old son made up for me today - Why are you so special to Mario?

You’re the first 1-up in the morning!

I once had the wildest dream, I was able to fly and when I flew over the oceans I saw they were made up of orange soda...

Then I woke up and realized it was a Fanta sea.

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says...

Bear with me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I made up that's funny only when you look back at it.

This guy shows up to his optometrist and says "I have a weird problem",



The Optometrists replies, "What seems to be the trouble?"



The guys says, "Everything's blurry. My vision is horrible!"



"That's pretty common", the Optometrist replies. "We can certai...

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.

Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."

My 5 yr old made up a joke: why didn’t the hair brush work?

Because it was a chicken!

Wanna hear a dead baby joke I just made up?

Sorry, there are problems with the delivery.

My duaghter made up a joke when she was 5. How do you count to tree?

Bush, Shrub, Tree!

I just made up a really good fencing joke!

EDIT: Nevermind, apparently it's a riposte.

Here's a joke I made up... What does a North Korean ricochet sound like?

PYONG! YANG!

I'm sorry.

Told my friends I had a date with this cute girl and they made fun of me saying she was made up, but jokes on them.

They’re made up too

A joke one of my 3rd graders claims to have made up

Q: Why do Gorillas have big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers!

MBBS Professor: The Sperm is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of. [nsfw]

A Girl raised her hand: "Then why doesn't it taste like Sugar?"

Whole class went silent.

Girl: “Oops”

Professor : “My dear, that might be because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your throat”

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

I made up a joke about the birth of a child....

I'm working on the delivery!

I made up a word for calculated power moves.

Mathemhattrics

My four year old neighbor buddy just told me this joke he made up: what do you call a bunny rabbit with no ears?

A backpack.


P.s. I love nonsensical kid jokes.

How much of Reddit content is made up of recurring themes?

69%

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual norse monarchs?

Bikings

I made up a dad-style musician joke:

Q. What is Donald Trump's least favorite guitar chord?

A. G7

Looking for feedback on a terribad joke I made up

Last night at 7:30 I went to my uncle's sixty second birthday party...

It was over by 7:31.

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted,

"Oh, pun the door"

1 My kid’s made up Star Wars joke: What does Darth Vader exhale?

Carbon Darkside

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Neptune made up of gas?

Because it is next to Uranus.

My 4.5 year old made up his first joke today. What do you call a girl who delivers things?

Dolivia.

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water,

and it's 100% not pizza.

A Disney Language Joke I made up

The Disney Princesses had cats. Tiana's was named One, Two, Three, Snow White's was Eins, Zwei, Drei, and Belle's was named Une, Deux, Trois. They decided to put the cats on rafts and race them.

Tiana and Snow White's cats made it to the end, but Belle's died because

Une, Deux, Trois,...

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and the other one of all brunettes...

reserve a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blond...

Joke my 9 year old daughter, Emma made up: What kind of list does Emma have a hard time with?

List-ening!

(She has ADHD)

My 17-year-old daughter and I made up a joke today! Q: Who is the bread God’s arch-enemy?

A: The Anticrust!

I made up the joke so I hope it’s original!

I asked the local clown, in front of my wife,if he’s been sleeping with all the women on my street.
He pointed at her and said “Jester”
Didn’t know my wife was a clown too.

Joke my 8 year old made up: " How do you make two C's out of one C?"

You have to use a C-Saw!

I wish our Congress was made up of vending machines

So they would accept change

What do you call an airship made up of lights?

An LED Zeppelin

I made up a dance about an old guy and a kid going on an adventure and asked everyone to name the movie it’s based on.

Someone just guessed it. The jig is Up.

The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week.

Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". Stupid and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons.

They forgot to mention morons.

The word “you” is made up entirely of vowels.

Yeah it’s not a joke, but when I tried to upload it to r/showerthoughts, I was told that wordplay wasn’t accepted. So here we are.

A joke my brother made up when he was 13...

Two men were marooned on an island with no food.

After a week, they are both starving. To solve the issue of hunger, one of the men suggests that they cut off each other's legs and eat them to survive.
The other man agrees.

The first man, after a bloody and gruesome struggle, saws...

Joke my kid made up when he was like 4.... What do you call an angry shopper using bad words?

A cussomer.

Cheesy joke I made up

My teacher said to make something original for the project, but due to it being Opposite Day, that meant UNoriginal

So the next day I walked in with nothing and my teacher asked,”Where’s your project?”

And I said I’m right here.

Quite possibly my worst made up joke of all time

Since ancient times, magic practices in Hawaii have depended on placing flower wreaths along specific paths around the island.

They rely on these lei-lines.

Michael Jackson was made up of diatomic Helium.

He-He

This joke I made up while in the shower

What's the difference between my shower and everyone?

My shower gets turned on by me.

a stupid joke I made up

what do you call a shaking duck?




an earth quack

A gang made up of domesticated wheat, barley and hops plants are reported to have been looting and rioting all over the country

Police say they are farmed and dangerous.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a very shitty joke i made up

There was once a Sith lord


He ambushed the rebels but he ran as soon as he saw his uncle


It was Kylo


Kylo ran

Remember the periods of 24 hours that made up a week

Yah, those were the days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I made up in geometry class...

Hi, my name is A, and this is my brother, B. Unfortunately, we live on the same plane, and we constantly tell our parents we do not like this situation.


We are coplanars.

I was telling my Canadian friend that Canada definitely wasn’t made up of states...

He was having Nunavut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made up a joke about North Korea...

Kim Jong-Un awakes to a beautiful sunrise above his North Korean palace. He calls out to the morning sun. "Good morning, sun!" he shouts.

Incredibly, the sun responds to him. "Good morning, my dear leader!" the sun shouts back.

Later that day, Kim Jong-Un addresses the sun once again...

The person who made up knock knock jokes...

Should be given a no-bell prize.

What kind of fish is made up of only two sodium atoms?

2Na

Made up my own joke today! Comment what you think: What did the crab get on his report card?

I dont know, but it was Under dah C!

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

Edit:
completely possible my Dad heard it somewhere else, or perhaps it came to him originally like the many other examples posted. Gotta trust yo pops tho.

Since we're doing jokes we made up as kids: What did one lightbulb to say to the other?

Watts up?

Did you ever hear about that army from north-west France that was made up entirely of people using polearms?

Y'know. The Brittany Spears?

I made up a few jokes about my unemployed friends.

Unfortunately none of them work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mule joke I made up

Why is a mule a bad work animal?

It always does a half ass job

What do you call an amateur sports team made up entirely of poets?

semi-prose

Wanna hear a word I just made up?

Plagiarism

Credit: http://www.tickld.com/x/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever-14-is-priceless

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the youn...

Horrible joke I made up as a kid

Why are frogs on the endangered species list?

Because they croak a lot!

Are hot girls made up of oil ?

Because when I try to look at their face, my eyes slip.

I said Canada was made up of ten provinces and two territories

But the Inuits were having Nunavut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The next time England's soccer team plays in the World Cup they should be made up of all female porn stars...

Because no doubt they'll blow a few, but they won't choke on the big one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke I made up: What do you get when you take chlorine (Cl) out of Schlitterbahn?

Shitterbahn

The human body is made up of about 60% Water

So I'm not fat, I'm just flooded.

Since we're doing jokes we made up as kids, here's mine: What did the World Chess Champion ask Michael Jackson?

Do you want to be black, or white?

A joke my 4 year old nephew made up. (It makes no sense, but still made me laugh.)

If the three legged turtle crosses the road what color is the rabbit?
Green! Because Space Jam was a good movie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made up this joke the other day.

A mailman walks into a bar. He sits next to a gorgeous woman and buys her a drink.

"So, what do you do?" he asks.

"I'm a model. They call me 'Legs,'" and she gestures down to her long, perfect legs, as if her nickname required explanation. "What do you do?"

"I'm a mailman. They ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've haven't made up my mind on masturbation...

...on one hand it feels good.

A random joke i made up

What do you call Pennywise when he works on Computers?


An I.T.

(OC) A little joke I just made up...

Homeless people never get inside jokes.

only joke i ever made up.. What did the papa pear tree say to his effeminate male son?

GROW A PAIR!

One I made up.....

What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle?
A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh.

I heard the military is assembling a crack squad made up of all T-Rexes

Makes sense - I hear T-Rexes are small arms experts!

A cute Knock Knock joke I made up

Moo!



Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Time travelling interrupting cow.

Time travelling interrupting cow who?

Force Awakens joke my 9yo made up

What did Poe ask Finn when they went fishing?

"Do you know how to tie a fly tighter?"

I told a joke I made up last Halloween!

It got me a few Snickers.

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