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Made Up Jokes

Daughter made up a cute knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Let’s eat…
Let’s eat who?

What are you a cannibal?

My 9 year old daughter made up this joke. "Why did the bull get fat?"

Because he ate too many cowleries.

( This joke was made up by my eight year old son. ) Why did the letters lose the battle against the numbers?

They were outnumbered.

For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero?

Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.

Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle h...

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says...

Bear with me...

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

People are 63% more likely to believe a made up stat if you say it confidently

This increases to 78.47 if you add a decimal

what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only?

2Na

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes,

charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anyth...

I've just made up a word...

Plagiarism.

A Halloween joke I made up when I was 12: What did Dracula name his boat?

The Blood Vessel

Joke my kid made up when he was like 4.... What do you call an angry shopper using bad words?

A cussomer.

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted,

"Oh, pun the door"

The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week.

Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". Stupid and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.

A joke my brother made up when he was 13...

Two men were marooned on an island with no food.

After a week, they are both starving. To solve the issue of hunger, one of the men suggests that they cut off each other's legs and eat them to survive.
The other man agrees.

The first man, after a bloody and gruesome struggle, saws...

What's made up of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A Shoe!!

Here's a joke I made up in high school, around 1981, or thereabouts

What do you call a cattle-rancher that's lost all his land?

Deranged!

Joke my kid made up...

Q: What is the best milk in the world?
A: G.O.A.T milk

I wanted to tell you all about a color I made up.....

but, as it turns out, it was just a pigment of my imagination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs?

The bikings.

What happens to your family tree when it’s made up of polyamorous Alabamans?

>!It looks like a chain link fence geting taller each generation.!<

Joke my 8 year old made up: " How do you make two C's out of one C?"

You have to use a C-Saw!

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.

Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."

When I went to stay with my friend, he said he'd made up the spare room...

Which was true...he didn't have one

Joke my 9 year old daughter, Emma made up: What kind of list does Emma have a hard time with?

List-ening!

(She has ADHD)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I made up 20 min ago

Me: “I’m going to tie a bell on the tip of my penis!”

Wife: “WTF!?! Why?!”

Me: “I know it’ll be kind of annoying at first, but trust me, it’ll become a-dick-ting!”

For my cake day, a Harry Potter joke I made up when I was a kid...

*Knock-knock*

~ Who’s there?

~ You know

~ you know who?

*avada kedavra!*

Sorry if everyone knows that one, 7 year old me thought I was being very clever.

A joke about sausages my little sister made up

Two French sausages are sat on a charcuterie board relaxing and having a catch up, talking about their wives and their children.
One sausage sees a smaller sausage on the other side of the board and turns to his friend. 

"I assume zat zis is your beautiful daughter?" 

"Oh, non, mon...

Did you know that Albert Einstein was completely made up?

He’s just a theoretical physicist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made up a joke about North Korea...

Kim Jong-Un awakes to a beautiful sunrise above his North Korean palace. He calls out to the morning sun. "Good morning, sun!" he shouts.

Incredibly, the sun responds to him. "Good morning, my dear leader!" the sun shouts back.

Later that day, Kim Jong-Un addresses the sun once again...

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

Edit:
completely possible my Dad heard it somewhere else, or perhaps it came to him originally like the many other examples posted. Gotta trust yo pops tho.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I made up that's funny only when you look back at it.

This guy shows up to his optometrist and says "I have a weird problem",



The Optometrists replies, "What seems to be the trouble?"



The guys says, "Everything's blurry. My vision is horrible!"



"That's pretty common", the Optometrist replies. "We can certai...

Joke my 12 year old son made up: What do you call it when you throw Mexican food at high velocity?

Fa-yeet-a

My two Vietnamese friends were fighting but they made up

It’s a Nguyen Nguyen situation

My wife made up this joke in a dream and woke herself up laughing...

Q: How do you tell the difference between a Golder Retriever and a Dalmatian?

A: You get down on the floor and spin them around real fast. One of them is yellow and the other one is gray.

I wish our Congress was made up of vending machines

So they would accept change

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NFSW A young man had made up his mind to become a lumberjack. So he takes all his tree falling equipment to a lumberjack camp in Quebec.

On his first day he does very well. Keeping up with the other lumberjacks all day.

When the evening meal came, he joined the circle sitting around the campfire, eating the standard
woodsmen's fare; beans & black coffee.

Around the middle of their meal one of the largest lumberj...

A joke I just made up at work

What is Covid-19's favorite drink?

You may think it's Corona, but in fact it is

Coughy

1 My kid’s made up Star Wars joke: What does Darth Vader exhale?

Carbon Darkside

There's this one country I think is made up

I don't think Israel

This joke I made up while in the shower

What's the difference between my shower and everyone?

My shower gets turned on by me.

A joke I made up

There once lived an unmarried, flamboyant, lustful king who chased women and slept with everyone in his court. The day came for him to be married, and he went to see a local lord who was rumored to have two beautiful daughters. The king went to  meet the lord and his two beautiful daughters. After l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I haven't made up my mind around masturbation

Cuz on one hand it feels good.

-Bo Burnham

What do you call a militia made up of short men?

Minutemen

What do you call a committee made up entirely of people named William?

A Billboard.

Looking for feedback on a terribad joke I made up

Last night at 7:30 I went to my uncle's sixty second birthday party...

It was over by 7:31.

I am unhappy with my made up, mediocre cheesy joke about my bad grammar.

I want to make a gouda one.

Made up on the spot, and told to me by my 13yo son just now: What's a dog's favorite type of meat?

Wag-yu.

Thanks to whoever made up the word plethora

It means a lot

A lame joke I made up based on an existing joke. Sorry if it's bad.

One day Sean joined a quiz team.

He and his teammates studied really hard for a quiz competition.

On the night of the quiz competition, in the last round, Sean and his team was 1 point behind first place.

However, they had one more question that if answered correctly, would awar...

Told my friends I had a date with this cute girl and they made fun of me saying she was made up, but jokes on them.

They’re made up too

What do you call an underwater town made up of multi-ethnic scuba instructors?

diversity

A Joke My Dad Made Up When I Was Around 9 Years Old...

Knock, Knock


Who's There?


Afro


Afro Who?


Afro You Over The Fence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

Just made up a joke and it’s brilliant! What does Donald trump and a Mac book pro have in common?

They aren’t PC

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've made up my mind. I'm choosing a career path as an electrician.

I just found out they get to work with dikes and strippers.

A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew?

Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)

My son made up this joke. Knock knock

-Who's there?
-Alexa
-Alexa who?
-Sorry I don't know that one. You can always leave feedback on the Alexa app.

My dad always made me feel special because he made up knock knock jokes just for me, but I couldn't always understand them.

Last time I saw him he said:

> Knock knock

Who's there?

> You're a mountain

You're a mountain, who?

> You're a mountain to nothing, son!

Just made up a 100-year-old joke:

What do you call a metal dog?

>!Rin Tin Tin!<

My 5 yr old made up a joke: why didn’t the hair brush work?

Because it was a chicken!

A “joke” my friend made up in middle school to prove I’d laugh at anything (I cried laughing unfortunately)

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. The server comes up to him and says: “what’ll you have?”

The man says “I’ll take blood in a monkey glass”.

The bartender says “excuse me?”

The man says “blood in a monkey glass, ya know just...blood in a monkey glass”

The bartender...

Here's one my kid made up when she was 8... Why couldn't the guy find his map?

Because he lost his map.

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the youn...

What do you call a body of water made up of politicians?

Bay of Pigs.

Also works with “What do you call a body of water made up of cops?”

Just made up this chemistry joke, what do you think?

A sodium atom and a chlorine atom meet in a bar. During the conversation, these 2 atoms really start to *bond*.

Everything seems to be going well but shortly after the chlorine atom bursts into tears.

"What's wrong?!" the sodium atom asked.

"I'm negatively charged!" the chlorine...

A made up a joke about covid-19 that will work only in the future...

... It'll be fun when nobody gets it.

(Stay safe y'all)

69% of all statistics are made up

Every 69 I’ve ever been involved in was made up

I have achieved my life's goal of writing an entire theatrical performance made up entirely of puns.

It's a play on words.

A Father’s Day joke my 8 year old son made up for me today - Why are you so special to Mario?

You’re the first 1-up in the morning!

When my sister was 5 she made up this one: WHY DID THE CACTUS CROSS THE ROAD?

Because it was stuck to the chicken!

Made up an absolutely horrible joke this morning. It needs work tough like my lazy uncle Mike.

I got in a fight with my Girlfriend this morning because I forgot to cut up her breakfast for her. She just go home from the hospital cause last week she was in a horrible car accident she lost an arm, broke her leg and is going to be in a wheel chair for the foreseeable future to be honest I'm jus...

MBBS Professor: The Sperm is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of. [nsfw]

A Girl raised her hand: "Then why doesn't it taste like Sugar?"

Whole class went silent.

Girl: “Oops”

Professor : “My dear, that might be because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your throat”

Joke my little brother made up

What is a dead man's favorite food? Biscuits and gravy.

How much of Reddit content is made up of recurring themes?

69%

I once had the wildest dream, I was able to fly and when I flew over the oceans I saw they were made up of orange soda...

Then I woke up and realized it was a Fanta sea.

My four year old neighbor buddy just told me this joke he made up: what do you call a bunny rabbit with no ears?

A backpack.


P.s. I love nonsensical kid jokes.

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons

They forgot to mention Morons.

Here's a joke I made up... What does a North Korean ricochet sound like?

PYONG! YANG!

I'm sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made up this joke the other day.

A mailman walks into a bar. He sits next to a gorgeous woman and buys her a drink.

"So, what do you do?" he asks.

"I'm a model. They call me 'Legs,'" and she gestures down to her long, perfect legs, as if her nickname required explanation. "What do you do?"

"I'm a mailman. They ...

My duaghter made up a joke when she was 5. How do you count to tree?

Bush, Shrub, Tree!

A joke one of my 3rd graders claims to have made up

Q: Why do Gorillas have big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers!

I made up a joke about the birth of a child....

I'm working on the delivery!

What do you call an airship made up of lights?

An LED Zeppelin

My 4.5 year old made up his first joke today. What do you call a girl who delivers things?

Dolivia.

a stupid joke I made up

what do you call a shaking duck?




an earth quack

What do you call a boy band made up of misogynistic men?

Despise girls

A Disney Language Joke I made up

The Disney Princesses had cats. Tiana's was named One, Two, Three, Snow White's was Eins, Zwei, Drei, and Belle's was named Une, Deux, Trois. They decided to put the cats on rafts and race them.

Tiana and Snow White's cats made it to the end, but Belle's died because

Une, Deux, Trois,...

I made up a word for calculated power moves.

Mathemhattrics

Wanna hear a word I just made up?

Plagiarism

Credit: http://www.tickld.com/x/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever-14-is-priceless

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