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Lopsided Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do female Jedi do when their breasts are lopsided?

Padawan.

The other day, I walked into my barber shop, and, much to my surprise, saw Matthew McConaughey sitting in a chair at the end of the row.

His hair was covered with the kind of foil that suggested he was getting it colored.


"Mr. McConaughey," I said, a little star-struck. "Are you getting your hair colored?"


"Aw, absolutely," he said in his signature drawl. "Matter of fact, I get my hair colored every two wee...

So, apple, lemon, and pea escape from the refrigerator..

Happy to be free from their prison, they go to a bar to celebrate. Many bars later, they're all tipsy at best when they come across a hill.

Pea, being a energetic drunk, gets super excited saying, "Hey! Let's roll down the hill! Come on!" And before the other two object he launches hims...

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

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