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Lannister Jokes

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?

They push two twins together to make a king.

If Cersei Lannister was a video game,

She'd be Smash Bros.

Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?

They pushed two twins together to make a king.

Tyrion Lannister was unusually smart

Usually, white dwarfs are very dense.

What does Cersei Lannister say to Jamie Lannister when she's inviting him to bed?

I incest.

Why could Donald Trump never be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.

The Lannister family...

Is so inbred that they are one step away from being sandwiches.

What do yeast and Joffrey Lannister have in common?

They’re both in bread.

A Stark, A Lannister and a Bolton walks into a bar.

Bartender: "What's up Lady Sansa?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was in the bathroom the other day next to the guy that played Tyrion Lannister on Game of Thrones.

He wasn’t paying attention and pissed on my shoes. Damn that Peter Sprinklage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tyrion Lannister walks into a bar with an ass and a honey comb

He sits down on the bar and the bartender asks him whats up.

"My wife found a genie in a bottle and he gave her 3 wishes. Her first wish was a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb. Her second wish was to get a nice ass, hence the ass..."

"And what about the third wish?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought it would be funny to grab Tyrion Lannister's penis...

...but I was just pulling his leg.

Why did Cersei Lannister sent princess Myrcella to Dorne?

She knew her family history a little too well.

Myrcella had two brothers.

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tyrion Lannister once brings a jackass and a honeycomb to a brothel (no spoilers)

Madame: What can we do for you?

Tyrion: I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me.

Madame: Whatever for? And what's with the honeycomb and the mule?

Tyrion: My woman found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first was for a house fit for a queen, so ...

Why did Cersei cut off The Hound's balls?

Because a Lannister always spays his pets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Spoiler] In Game of Thrones, what is Jon and Dany's favorite sexual position?

Lannister style

Which Game of Thrones house does House Trump most resemble?

Definitely not House Lannister, because they always pay their debts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss asked me which Game of Thrones house he'd best be placed in...

I told him House Lannister because it only takes one hand to go fuck yourself.

Why didn't Greece vote for Tyrion?

Because a Lannister always pays his debts.

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