UPJOKE
dark shadowsjoe perrythe rum diary21 jump streeted woodinto the woodsjack sparrowtim burtonplatoonrangocry-babysupergroupteen idololiver stonedonnie brasco

Johnny Depp Jokes

Did Johnny Depp just win the defamation case or was it…

misheard?

Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million...

Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!

The companies that dropped Johnny Depp must really regret their decisions

They shouldn't have followed the Heard

Why did Johnny Depp lose his court case?

Because he didn't have Heard immunity

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Johnny Depp's bed say when Amber Heard walked in?

You've got to be shitting me.

Why don't you ever see a group of Johnny Depp fans?

They don't like Heards.

Johnny Depp's the one guy ...

....that could have used an Amber alert.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Say what you will about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp….

…but she was the only one who gave a shit in that relationship.

They keep calling the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial “defamation case”…

I think there’s a typo there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a gay-porno starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Depp?

"*Rock Beats Scissors*"

Johnny Depp refuses to get another dose of the vaccine

He says he now has Heard immunity

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Mike Tyson and Johnny Depp have in common?

They’ve both had predators shit the bed.

In real life, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's marriage was toxic

Naturally, it'd make a great romcom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny Depp claims amber heard or her friend pooped on his bed

This incident surely left a stain in their relationship...

Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work

to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.

Johnny Depp would be in a much better position if it wasn't for anti-vaxxers.

If it wasn't for them we would all have heard immunity by now.

What was the Mathematician's Favorite Johnny Depp Movie?

∫π’s of the Carribean.

I need help finding a Tim Burton movie

I Googled "Tim Burton movie where Johnny Depp plays a quirky, androgynous loner," and Google told me to be more specific.

What did Johnny Depp's lawyer say when they found Amber Heard's "bruise makeup kit" wasn't made before 2017?

Objection, lack of foundation

What does Johnny Depp, Dave Pirner and Matt Damon have in common?

They were all Winona Riders.

Johnny Depp gets so immersed in his characters that I can never tell if its him or not...

I guess i have really bad Depp perception

With the news about Johnny Depp and Aquaman 2, there's a sign the pandemic is almost over.

They've reached Heard immunity.

I’m just curious

How Johnny Depp reacts when he gets an Amber alert on his phone…🫣

The jury has spoken…

Johnny Depp beat his ex-wife

Part Spider, part Scorpion creature found in Amber

Johnny Depp is glad that he isn't that creature.

What brown and sticky?

Johnny Depps bed!

Someone asked this joke today in zone chat on an online game I play called ESO online. The usual answer is 'a stick'. The person who asked really liked my new answer.

So I was buying a ticket for a train from London to Paris...

And the man behind the desk said, "Eurostar?"

So I replied, "Well I've been on TV, but I'm no Johnny Depp!"

What does Johnny Depp yell when a tree falls in the forest?

Timbuuuuuurrrrrrrrton~!

Bob Marley is taking photos one day...

...when suddenly, Cher turns up with a guitar and plays a riff. Bob is impressed and takes a photo. Cher leaves and Bob keeps walking down the road and sees Mr. T in the distance. Mr. T comes running up and says “Bob! Did you see Johnny Depp? He was here, firing a laser at me. Did you get a photo?” ...

Johnny Depp was talking to a friend one day. He explained he was experiencing some minor hearing loss but didn’t want people to know about it. But since yesterday the tabloids began reporting his secret issue, much to his distaste. His friend asked how the secret could’ve possibly gotten out.

Johnny Depp replied: “Rumor has it, Amber Heard.”

So Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are to separate after 13 years together.

I wonder who will get custody of Johnny Depp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to Johnny Depp's interview with David Letterman, he doesnt watch his own movies

lucky bastard...

A police officer walks into an interrogation room.

"It's over, buddy," he says smugly, throwing down a stack of papers. "We've got you on a double homicide."

"Double?! What are you talking about?" the perp across from him stutters.

"Don't even try to act innocent. We've got video proof. You gunned down two women! Cher and Johnny Depp'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and woman get married

The next day they're talking to the neighbor. "So, who'd you put on your list?" The neighbor asked. Confused, the wife says "what list?" "Oh you know, the list of who you can still have sex with if ever given the opportunity, mine consists of Raquel Welch and Marilyn Monroe." Intrigued, the wife...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.