Scarlett Johansson is on a plane that crashes on a remote island.

She and some regular guy are the only two survivors. They make the best of their situation, scavenge what supplies they can from the plane, and try to keep going.

They build a little hut on the beach and - both of them having certain "needs" - eventually start hooking up.

This keep goi...

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

My wife said, "You wouldn't think twice about cheating on me if Scarlett Johansson asked you."

"Actually I have," I replied, "and both times I ended up in a long shower."

My girlfriend has the body of Scarlett Johansson.

Not sure where the head is though.

Choosing between Hillary and Trump is like having to fart really bad while sitting between Scarlett Johansson and The Pope.

I don't know which way to lean.

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You have Sinned

EDIT: I have never written this joke out. Most of this joke is about the delivery. This is a successful joke when you are forced into telling one. Use the names of those goading you into telling one!




Johnny, Mike, and Pete were driving late at night when a cat cut in front of the ...

Cop: "Anything you say can and will be held against you."

Me: "Scarlett Johansson."

They say that being scared of spiders increases the chances of them crawling into your bed while you are sleeping.

Personally, I am terrified of scarlett Johansson.

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Impressing a date.

After weeks of trying everything he could think of accountant Frank Lester finally got the beautiful new secretary, Amanda, to agree to go out on a date with him. In an effort to impress the young woman Frank spared no expense: he hired a driver, wore his best suit, and managed to get reservations a...

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There once were three girls who were ugly. So they decided to do something about it.

They went to a plastic surgeon first to see what their options were.
"It's hopeless, " he said," You guys are too ugly."
"We're girls, " they said.
"But...there is a way. There's a magic lake that can change your appearance to whomever or whatever you want to look like. All you have to do...

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Three ugly girls go on a quest to change their ugliness...

Their quest has them finding a magic swimming pool guarded by a fairy.

"I all know your plight and now I present you the solution to all your problems! Just run and dive to this pool and while you're in the air, scream the name of the person you want to be as beautiful as and you shall ge...

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Survivor

A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Scarlett Johansson.

They ...

Two old codgers are sitting on a park bench...

The first says that it's a beautiful day.

The second agrees and says, "A day like this make me feel like I want to make love to Scarlett Johansson again."

The first is blown away. "Are you saying you have made love to Scarlett Johansson?"
The second explains, "There was a magical ...

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