Groucho Marx Jokes

I would not belong to any club that would have me as a member

“We’re gonna build an eye and ear hospital. It’ll be a site for sore eyes”

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

— My god, that’s a lot of children! How can you do this?

— I love my husband a lot…

— Lady, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!

How he got into my pajamas, I don't know.

- Groucho Marx

and behind her is his wife!

Groucho Marx

Carl, a young man, woke up and suffered from an awful sore throat and all but lost his voice. The small town's doctor operated out of his own home, so Carl made his way over, scratching at his sore throat.

Dr. Wendell's wife answered the door, "Yes?"
Carl, in a very quiet, breath... read more

"Doctor," he says, "Ya gotta help me! I'm having all sorts of crazy dreams! I think I'm losing my mind here!"

"Why certainly," the doctor says, "Tell me about these dreams you are having."

The man continues, "Well Doc, you see, I dream that I'm turnin' into stuff of a Native American n... read more