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Groaner Jokes

Ok this is a groaner, so I expect down votes...

One night, a man is making his way home from the local. He's had a fair bit to drink, when he hears this thumping noise behind him. Not wanting to get involved in whatever it is, he puts his head down and keeps walking. Minutes later he hears the noise again, behind him and getting louder.
‘Thump...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

Groaner

Man: My wife and I went to the Caribbean.

Random guy: Jamaica?

Man: No she did it out of her own free will.

This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP.....

A groaner just for you...

Q. What do you have if you are holding a mothball in your right hand and a mothball in your left hand?

A. A **VERY** large moth...

Groaner...

I am a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac...

I lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

Old groaner

Where did Noah keep the bees?

*In the Ark hives*

3/15 is The Ides of March. Do you know what time it officially starts?

“At two”

.
.

If ya love Shakespeare then ya love a groaner. Enjoy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend sent me this. I like a long, meandering joke with a bit of a groaner at the end.

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says,
"Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working too." says the duck.
"Now if you ...

This "your mom" joke is a groaner

Just like your mom

A groaner for you all...

A rabbit hops its way into a trendy cafe in Melbourne.

It says to the nonplussed waiter, "I've munched my way from Sydney to here and I'd like something different to eat."

"What would you like?" asks the waiter.

"A leaf of fresh lettuce between two pieces of toasted white bread,...

[groaner] Have you guys seen Viking Wars?

It stars Harrison Fjord.

I want to weigh the pros and cons of becoming a veterinarian,

On one hand you get bitten a lot
And on the other hand you get bitten less.


This is my first joke submission, I do like a good groaner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was going to tell you the joke about orgasms...

But it’s a real groaner.

What goes "clop clop bang bang clop clop?"

Amish drive-by.

*An old groaner brought to mind by [current events](http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/guns/horse-pulling-amish-buggy-shot-dead-pennsylvania-drive). As always, I'm so very sorry.*

There was once an incorrigible punster.

No matter the situation her'd have a groaner ready. One day, served a simple dinner of buns and water, he quipped: "The bun is the lowest form of wheat."

His friends were so tired that they decided to come up with a situation that he could not turn into a pun. They took him to visit an orpha...

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

Dad Jokes

Dad jokes aren’t an affliction that happens to dads, they’re a way of life. No one should ever be ashamed of #dadjokes. Instead, if you are a father, you should be worried if you don’t know enough good dad jokes.

You know that old saying, “Where there’s a will there’s a way?” That’s a pretty ...

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxi cabs!

Got this from a joke book my niece got for Christmas. Most of them were groaners but this one actually made me laugh!

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