Ok this is a groaner, so I expect down votes...

One night, a man is making his way home from the local. He's had a fair bit to drink, when he hears this thumping noise behind him. Not wanting to get involved in whatever it is, he puts his head down and keeps walking. Minutes later he hears the noise again, behind him and getting louder.
‘Thump...

Groaner...

I am a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac...

I lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

A groaner just for you...

Q. What do you have if you are holding a mothball in your right hand and a mothball in your left hand?

A. A **VERY** large moth...

Old groaner

Where did Noah keep the bees?

*In the Ark hives*

Groaner

Running out of sausage is a busy pizza maker's wurst nightmare.

A groaner for you all...

A rabbit hops its way into a trendy cafe in Melbourne.

It says to the nonplussed waiter, "I've munched my way from Sydney to here and I'd like something different to eat."

"What would you like?" asks the waiter.

"A leaf of fresh lettuce between two pieces of toasted white bread,...

A good groaner

What do you get when you combine an elephant and a poodle?

A dead poodle, split in half.

This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP.....

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

There was once an incorrigible punster.

No matter the situation her'd have a groaner ready. One day, served a simple dinner of buns and water, he quipped: "The bun is the lowest form of wheat."

His friends were so tired that they decided to come up with a situation that he could not turn into a pun. They took him to visit an orpha...

What is it called when a zombie makes a lame joke?

A groaner.

I want to weigh the pros and cons of becoming a veterinarian,

On one hand you get bitten a lot
And on the other hand you get bitten less.


This is my first joke submission, I do like a good groaner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was going to tell you the joke about orgasms...

But it’s a real groaner.

Dad Jokes

Dad jokes aren’t an affliction that happens to dads, they’re a way of life. No one should ever be ashamed of #dadjokes. Instead, if you are a father, you should be worried if you don’t know enough good dad jokes.

You know that old saying, “Where there’s a will there’s a way?” That’s a pretty ...

What goes "clop clop bang bang clop clop?"

Amish drive-by.

*An old groaner brought to mind by [current events](http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/guns/horse-pulling-amish-buggy-shot-dead-pennsylvania-drive). As always, I'm so very sorry.*

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxi cabs!

Got this from a joke book my niece got for Christmas. Most of them were groaners but this one actually made me laugh!

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