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What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian?

The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.

What did the atheist say when he caught an evangelical fish?

Ick, theology!

Why didn't Evangelical Wordle take off?

JESUS is always the answer.

A Priest, a Rabbi and an Evangelical Preacher

There was a Priest, an Evangelical Preacher, and a Rabbi walking along come upon a trunk with a million dollars in it. They talk among themselves asking each other what should they do with it?

The Rabbi says, "I think we should draw a circle on the ground then we throw it in the air, tha...

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Two jews are walking past an evangelical church...

When they see a sign in the window, "accept Jesus today and we'll give you $10,000"

Goldberg says to his buddy Strausman, "Hey Straussy wait here I'm gonna go rip these goyim out of ten grand!"

"Wait!" Strausman responds, "what if you get sucked in and you lose your faith?!"

"D...

I can see why evangelicals have backed Trump even through impeachment.

All three of his marriages have lasted longer then his presidency.

A Jewish Rabbi, Hindu Pujari, and Evangelical Christian Pastor all arrive in a small town....

A Jewish Rabbi, Hindu Pujari, and Evangelical Christian Pastor all arrive in a small town holding a regional religious exchange conference.

However, upon arriving at the very last motel on the edge of town at the same time, the manager says, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but I only have one room lef...

My evangelical friends are convinced that Donald Trump recently found Jesus in his life.

Heโ€™s having him deported tomorrow.

So an Evangelical Republican Senator goes in for a prostate exam...

The doctor gives him a clean bill of health, and sends him on his way. He returns a week later to get a second opinion. Another doctor confirms the first's findings. He comes back for a *third* rectal examination, swearing something is amiss, only to once again be given a clean bill of health. On th...

There was an evangelical who played the lottery for decades...

Every week heโ€™d play the lottery and get very upset when he lost. His wife found out that he won and was worried it would give him a heart attack. She goes to the pastor and asks him to break it easy.

The pastor invites the man for coffee. The two are talking for a while and eventually the ...

An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday

He wanted to talk about Cheeses.

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An Australian joke (but it may translate..)

ScoMo (the Australian Prime Minister, right wing, evangelical, ex marketing specialist) is visiting a remote indigenous village, surrounded by the fawning Murdoch press. He speaks to the village elder and asks him how he can make the locals lives better.

"Well," says the elder, "We've got two...

Dave has died and is waiting in the queue to get into heaven.

As he draws ever closer to St Peter he can hear him asking people the same question.

"Denomination?" he asks a little old lady as she reaches the front of the queue.

"Methodist", she replies.

St Peter checks his notes and directs her to the eighth door on the left.

"Pleas...

I met a man on a bridge getting ready to jump.

I said "Wait, friend. Don't jump. Don't you have faith in the Lord?"

The man paused and said "Yes. I do have faith in the Lord."

I said "I'm a Christian." He said "Me too."

I said "I'm a protestant." He said "Me too."

I said "I'm a Lutheran." He said "Me too."

I sa...

Three priests hold a meeting ...

Three priests hold a meeting to discuss where life begins. The evangelical priest says, "No question about it, life begins when the child is born." "No, no," says the Catholic priest, "it all starts when the sperm meets the egg." "You're both wrong," says the Rabbi. "Life begins when the children ha...

The Joy of Sects

A man crossing a bridge sees a suicidal chap about to take a big dive, Thinking he could be the good Samaritan, he stops and calls to the jumper.

GS: "Hey Buddy, Lets talk, Don't do anything rash, life is good, lets find something to talk about, Say tell me friend, are you religious?"

...

I'm an atheist, but I plan on converting to Christianity on my deathbed.

I figure better safe than sorry. I don't want to end up in hell with the Evangelicals.

What do you call a book club that's been reading the same book for years - and yet the members still have no clue as to what it's about?

An Evangelical Christian church.

The TV Healer

Grandpa and Grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers at home wanted to be healed, place one hand on the television set and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set...

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John arrives in heaven and...

...at the entrance St. Peter shows him a high, high-rise building where he must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard religi...

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

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At the Pearly Gates

An Evangelical Christian dies and is taken up to the Pearly Gates where St Peter is waiting to greet him. St Peter informs him that he has one last wish he can request before stepping through the Gates. The Evangelical thinks about it for a minute, looks at St Peter and says, "You know, there is one...

Tithe Joke

Three religious leaders of the community, a priest, a rabbi, and an evangelical preacher are sitting around talking about how they run their finances.

The priest says, "At the end of the week, I make a line on the floor. Then I take all of the money out of the donation box, throw it in the ai...

If one's wealth was determined by how closely one follows a moral code

Evangelicals would finally be as poor as Jesus wants them to be

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