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Detent Jokes

Johnny: Mum, Dad I got detention for foul language today

Mum: Oh Johnny... what swear word did you say?

Johnny: I didn't swear! All I did was speak French!

Dad: Yes, but that is indeed a foul language

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How I got a detention

Before our fire drill, our teacher asked us what steps to take in the event of a fire somewhere in the building.



Apparently, "fucking large ones" wasn't the correct answer...

Today I gave a student detention for being tardy

I was then fired from my job as a special ed. teacher

After the earthquake hit, the local juvenile detention center reported...

... a number of minor injuries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My high school history teacher once gave me detention for inappropriate language.

All I did was call Oedipus a motherfucker.

I got detention once

because my teacher said "we're watching a documentary on drugs" and I said "cool, and what's the documentary about?"

I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".

Special education just wasn't for me.

Detention

I got in detention for not having my ID with me,

I wonder how i'm gonna get in then?

Why was the blacksmiths son sent to detention?

He was caught forging signatures.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the clock sent to detention?

It ticked-off the teacher by tock-ing in class.

I got in trouble in Algebra class today and had to stay after class for detention.

I didn't enjoy the aftermath.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

3 kids are late getting back into the classroom from recess.

Little Johnny comes in and the teacher says “why are you late?” He says “I was playing in the sandbox with Mikey and Charlie.”

The teacher says “well, I’ll let you out of detention if you can spell ‘sand.” Johnny spells it out loud “S-A-N-D.”

Mikey comes in next and the teacher says ...

Why did the robot get detention?

Because he was accused of Boolean.

I got high during detention today.

The teacher made me do lines.

There were three unruly kids in detention

Their names were Zip, Willie and Pee. The teacher briefly left the room and the three kids saw this as an opportunity to have some fun. Zip jumped up onto a table and started dancing. Willie went into the teachers cupboard and Pee started running around.

The teacher shortly came back, saw th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The principal at our school once gave detention to a student for illegally downloading Justin Bieber songs online for free.

Even worse, he expelled another student who actually *paid* for his album.

Richard Nixon and Leonid Brezhnev race around the White House

1972. In the spirit of Detente, Richard Nixon and Leonid Brezhnev decide to run a friendly footrace around the White House. The event is reported by every news outlet in the world.

The younger, fitter Nixon easily beats the old, unfit Brezhnev. It's a humiliation, so the Soviet press team are...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The student asks his teacher: Can i go to the bathroom?

Teacher: I don't know, can you?
Student: Yes, i can.
The student leaves for the bathroom.
3 hours later, in detention
Student: Principal!
Principal: What is it?
Student: My 3 hours in detention have finished, can i leave?
Principal: It's "may".
Student: No, i...

What happens when you lose you attention span in school

You gain your detention span

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If porn has taught me one thing:

detention is not a punishment.

I was making chicken noises in class

Got a detention for using fowl language

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher does a quiz with her class.

She asks the children:" So guys what walks on four legs and hurts to touch?" So one kid goes:" A hedgehog" the teacher responds:" I was thinking of a porcupine, but I like the way that you think, next question, what has wheels and takes me to school?" The same kid answers:" Your car". "It is my bike...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom, Harry and Dick go to the principal's office..

Tom, Harry and Dick were misbehaving when they were playing outside in school so the teacher sends them to the principal's office.
Tom was the first to be called in to the office. The principal asks him "Why were you sent to my office?".
He replies with "I was being bad when I was playing in...

BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer’s, and all prison guards at Maxwell’s detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

A kid and Afraid Not walk into a school and sit down...

While the teacher is trying to teach, the first kid starts being disruptive.

The teacher says, "Keep that up and you'll be going to detention."
"What about him?" the kid says, pointing at the other kid. "He's bad, too!"
"No." the other kid says. "I'm afraid not."

(Thanks to m...

Why does Trump want to buy Greenland?

Because he wants to build an ICE detention center.


...I will see myself out.

Got in trouble at school for this joke

So I'm in class and were doing civil rights and the teacher says to the class "so who can't walk freely in some community's" and i say back "handicap people".......Got a week of detention.

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a new teacher of foreign language in Pepes class

The teacher writes sentences in foreign language on blackboard. Then she calls up the students one by one and asks them for translation until its Pepes turn. Before he can respond they can hear loud knocking.

It is a headmaster. As the teacher is new to her job and freshly graduated the head...

How many deputies did it take to push the inmate down the stairs?

None, he fell.

I work as a Detention Deputy, and that's one of my favorite jokes to tell the inmates.

My classroom teacher made me stand up in front of the class for being a nuisance during the lesson.

She held her pointer stick towards me and said,

"At the end of this stick, there is an idiot!"

I got detention after asking which end.

Oscar Pistorius gets six years jail.

Jail, then home detention, and back to jail. Wow, for someone with no legs he's covering a lot of ground.

An elderly woman appears in court for stealing

A can of peaches from the grocery store. The judge asks "how many peaches were in that can?" To which she replied "about 6 your honor."

"Very well then. 6 days in detention for you. I hope you've learned your lesson." When you suddenly hear her grumpy husband in the crowd "she also stole ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher says to the class

Teacher: ok the next person to answer my question gets to go home early.
A kid throws his back pack out the window
Teacher: jimmy you reposting piece of shit. Get your ass to detention.

Two special needs kids..

one has a humpback and the other has a gimpy leg. One day at school they get in trouble and have to stay for detention. It's getting pretty late so the kid with the humpback says "I'm gonna cut through the cemetery to get home quicker."
The kid with the gimpy leg was too scared so he went the lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Billy forgot to do his science homework on insects...

And his teacher was furious. "Right.", she said. "If you don't bring in a sheet filled with facts about insects by tomorrow, it's detention for you!"

The next day, Little Billy arrives at his classroom early and tells the teacher that he didn't do his homework, but he has an amazing fact ...

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII...

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII. He was placed into a detention cell and soon a neatly uniformed SS officer comes to interrogate him.

“Vhere is your unit based?” asks the officer in accented English. But the soldier looks him dead in the eyes and says only “Tick t...

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