Lady: *coyly* Want to exchange numbers?



Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

The Bocelli leather shoes.

Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months. He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of t...

A Sensitive Guy (NSFW-ish)

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.


They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

The Old Lady Who Makes Bets

A little old lady went into the headquarters of the Bank of America one day, carrying a large bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "It's a lot of money!"



The receptionist objected, stating, "You can't just wa...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A biker ...

Walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger – 2.99

Cheeseburger – 3.99

Chicken Sandwich – 4.99

Hand Job – 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks ...

A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

The Swing Bar

Jim's friends take him to a bar he hadn't been to before then. It was like any other joint, minus the oddly cheap booze, and the group of people huddled in the corner.

Jim asks the bartender what they're doing, and he explains that they're having a "swing".

Jim and his friends venture...

Priest and a nun traveling together

Priest and Nun were about to make their annual pilgrimage to a holy site located 7 days into the middle of a hostile desert. They packed enough food and water on their camels for 15 days....

16 grueling days traveling in the blistering heat and unrelenting sun they had still not found the hol...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Student walks into professor's office

She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"

The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"

"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.<...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Two statues, a man and woman, had stood watch in a park for along time.

One day, an angel came down and told the statues, "You two have stood watch in this park for so long and have been such exemplary statues, as a reward, I will snap my fingers, and you two will come to life for 30 minutes." The angel snapped his fingers, and the two statues blinked to life.

"...

First impression (NSFW)?

A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they're having a good time. So, they decide to head over to his place. As he is about to open the door, she takes a step back and looks at him.

"What are you doing looking at me like that?"

"Oh, I can tell a lot about how a man makes love by how he open...

Going to hospital

As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet."


"Has it got rubies and diamonds?" I ask coyly.


"No," he said. "But it cost just as much."

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A priest, a lawyer and a teacher with his students were on a plane

The plane was going through some heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the pilot got on the speaker and said the plane is going down. The stewardess broke the bad news: only 3 parachutes for the passengers. The lawyer said to the priest and teacher, "Perfect! One for each of us. Lets GO!"

Then the teac...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

After days of driving, a trucker walks into a empty small-town diner and sees three signs above the counter.

The first reads "Hamburger: $5," the second reads "Cheeseburger: $6," and the third reads "Handjob: $10." As the man approached, a beautiful young woman dressed in an apron came out from the kitchen and asked coyly, "What can I do for you, hon?"

"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" asked...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A man walks into a strip club...

And sits down at the runway. He watches for a bit, and then the strippers start to make their rounds. One sits in his lap. "Would you like a dance?" She asks. Why not, the man thinks, "let's go!"

The stripper guides him to the lapdance area. While there, she asks if he wants to go to the...

Elderly Woman and Her Cat

An elderly woman sitting on her porch, petting her beloved cat. A genie walks up her sidewalk. "Ma'am, you have lived a happy and simple life, I wish to grant you three wishes."

The woman smiles, "Oh, I have to think, well, I would like to be 18 again." The genie nods his head and she transf...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

One sultry Sunday afternoon in Rome

On one sultry Sunday afternoon in Rome, there was a beautiful young nun walking back home after the service in the church. The priest who was driving back home in his wagon spots the poor nun walking home in the sweltering heat. Being the gentleman that he was and a servant of the Lord, he stops by ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A Chinese couple get married

The young bride is a virgin and on the wedding night cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring. " My darling, I know this is your first time and you are frightened ... I promise you, I will do anything you want. What do you want?"
...

A woman walks into a supermarket

She grabs a zucchini and two limes and goes to pay for them. As the cashier is ringing up her items he comments to her;

"I can tell you're single"

The woman giggles and asks coyly

"Oh what gave that away"

The cashier replies

"Because you're fat"

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Joining the new church

A Newlywed couple decide to join this amazing new church so they meet with the Pastor.

"Pastor" says the Husband "what are the rules of your church? We want to join."

"Just one" replies the Pastor "We are a deeply devout church and you must abstain from sex with each other for 30 ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A man comes home...

To find his wife sitting seductively on the couch in sexy lingerie. She looks at him coyly and asks, "Have you ever seen a dollar all crumpled up?"

The man replies, "No..."

His wife reaches near her breast and pulls out a crumpled up $1 bill. She then asks him, "Have you ever seen fift...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A guy gets turned down by every girl he approaches in the bar (NSFW)

Since closing time is only minutes away, he heads outside trying to figure how he won't have to spend the night alone. He sees a local street walker up the road, and decides to pick her up. They check into a rent by the hour motel, wasting no time getting to business. The man stops his new lady frie...

I was having trouble getting to sleep last night

After about an hour of tossing and turning, my wife rolled over, snuck her hand under the covers, and trailed it playfully down my chest.
"Want meeee to help you get to sleep", She whispered coyly into my ear.
"Yeah", I replied. "Tell me again how your day went".

Couch was comfy.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An elderly couple celebrate their 50th anniversary.

A man in a restaurant overhears an elderly couple next to him celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

"Dear do you remember 50 years ago when I proposed to you right here in this same spot?" the old man asks caressing his wife's hand.

"Yes honey I do remember." she replies smiling...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A man is on a business trip in Las Vegas...

...after he checks into his hotel he decides to relax with a cocktail at the hotel bar. While sipping his drink, a beautiful woman catches his eye and they strike up a conversation. It turns out she's a prostitute so he decides to invite her up to his room.

Up in his room, he asks, "How muc...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

George and Betty get frisky!!

Two old people sitting in the retirement home.
(George and Betty).

They are sitting staring out of the large bay window, looking out on to the beautiful garden.

Betty: Penny for your thoughts George?

George: ach sorry Betty, I was just thinking about my youth and all the thi...

Ooops

Joe bursts into a house with great urgency

Joe: "Mom! I just saw dad doing something with the neighbor lady!" exclaimed Joe

Mom: "What is that?"

Joe: "She was kneeling in front of him, and he was pushing that...thing into her mouth"

Mom: "Well, how about you tell that to ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Environmentally friendly pyjamas

A little girl is visiting her grandparents. Her grandma tells her to go brush her teeth, and put on her pyjamas. The girl brushes her teeth and hops into bed, but completely naked. Grandma is quite taken aback, and asks the girl why she's not wearing pyjamas.

"Oh, I *am* wearing pyjamas! They...

An Olympic swimmer...

...is on a cruise ship, when it hits a reef and sinks. Bobbing in the waves, he spies an island in the distance, makes for it, and barely gets ashore. All he finds on the isle are fruit trees, a female sheep and a big dog. The fruit trees provide sustenance, but he starts to feel lonely. The sheep h...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.