Counting Sheep Jokes - 16 Hilarious Counting Sheep Jokes

counting sheep

So sick of hearing blonde jokes, a blonde cut her long hair and dyed it brown.

The next day she drove out into the countryside where she came upon a flock of sheep crossing the road. Stopping her car to watch the fluffy flock, she called out to the shepherd, "Your sheep are so cute. If I gues...

Counting sheep

Bill: Gosh, you look really tired today.

Phill :I am. I didn't sleep at all last night.

Bill: I'm sorry. Too much caffeine?

Phill I don't know what it was. I just kept tossing and turning.

Bill : Did you try counting sheep?

Phill: I did. But you know how it is. By...

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

A retired boxer goes to see his doctor because he’s having trouble sleeping. “Have you tried counting sheep?” the doctor asks.

“I tried,” the boxer explains, “but every time I get to the number nine I stand up.”

Couldn't fall asleep so I started counting sheep ...

Couldn't fall asleep, so I started counting sheep and everything was great as I was drifting off to dreamland THEN one of the sheep said "Hey pal - I think you forgot to make your car insurance payment 7 days ago!" - and I sat up ... wide awake and said "Ewe have got to be kidding me!"

I was lying in bed last night, counting sheep, when I thought to myself:

'I could have sworn I shut the barn door...'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

my doctor told me to count sheep

I was having trouble sleeping so I finally decided to see a doctor. He asked me some questions and then eventually came to a conclusion. "I know this may sound silly, but try counting sheep to help you fall asleep." he said. Well I don't know what this doctor was thinking because I have been up for...

I heard the old shepherd wanted to get a new job

He got tired of counting sheep

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Little bit racist] why do New Zealanders...

Have insomnia? Because every time they start counting sheep they get too horny to sleep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sheep walks into a bar..

Bartender says "Sorry man, I can't serve you here."
Sheep says, "Relax, I'm the black sheep of the family.Check this out, I brought a fuckload of other sheep with me.
The bartender starts counting sheep. Falls asleep.
Sheep drink for free.

"I like to count girls I slept with to quicker fall asleep"

-Girls? Why wouldn't you be counting sheep instead?

-Oh shut it, it was just one time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman was telling a Scott about his trouble sleeping.

The Scott asks if he’s tried counting sheep. The Irishman says that stuff doesn’t work, it’s for wee babes in mums aarms. The Scott says, “Ney laddie, werks ever time. But ‘ye got ta meek it reel lifey like in yer heed. See ever lil’ detail, ever lil’ soond dontcha do any meer wandrin bye.”
...

Hush, Little Actuary!

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.

“Have you tried counting sheep?” asks the doctor.

“That’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

A man who can't sleep goes to his doctor.

A man goes to his doctor and says "doc, I can't sleep. I've tried everything. Sleeping pills, counting sheep, nothing works." the doctor, who's an elderly Irish man says "well I'll tell you what works for me, son." he then sings "one hundred bottles of beer on the wall" and suggests the man do the s...

The accountant

One morning an accountant comes in to work. His coworker says he looks terrible. The accountant responds, "Yeah, I didn't sleep a wink last night." The coworker says, "Well, did you try counting sheep?" The accountant says, "Yeah, I did. I started at 11:00. At 2:00 AM I found I had miscounted ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.