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Looking for some jokes to cheer up my Grandmother

My grandfather recently passed away and I’ve became my grandmothers carer. She loves a good joke here and there however I’m quickly running out of material. Some examples of what she likes are..

‘A man walks into the doctors and says doctor doctor I have 5 penises. Blimey says the doctor, how...

My friend keeps saying, "cheer up, man. You could be in an underground hole full of water."

I know he means well.

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A man broke up with his girlfriend and decided to go to Jamaica to cheer up.

He went to an all inclusive resort. He ate and drank like a king; the only problem was the beach outside the resort was a NUDE beach.

He was feeling self conscious because he had a tattoo of his girlfriend's name on his penis.

Erect it said "Wendy", but when flaccid, some letters got ...

After receiving an 89 on his English exam, an immigrant mother tries to cheer up her perfectionist son by telling him "You've gotta be positive!"

"It's pronounced 'B plus'", replied the son, "and I wanted an A!"

REQUEST: Looking for those story jokes where you get the listener emotionally attached/involved before revealing knockout punchlines, to cheer up quarantined family friends

You know the ones I mean, guys. Let’s have it!

I tried to cheer up this paranoid schizophrenic guy, who’s always worried someone is watching him.

I whispered: ”Hey buddy, remember you’re never alone.”

I was trying to cheer up my friend by telling him a bunch of jokes.

I hoped at least one of them would make him laugh, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

An optimist tries to cheer up his friend (long)

OK, this was way better in the original Russian, but I'm gonna give it my best shot in translation:

So these two guys have been best friends their whole lives, and did everything together--grew up in neighboring apartments, went to the same schools, went to the same university, even got marri...

How does a redditor cheer up a sad freind?

By any memes necessary.

Hey guys, I don't know how to cheer up my cannibal friend.

He recently dumped his girlfriend.

how do you cheer up a puppy that's lost its tail?

retail therapy!

A comedian was hired to cheer up a group of suicidal patients.

I hear his jokes killed.

A husband comes home with a cat as a surprise to cheer up his wife who's been depressed lately since her mother passed away...

The cat was sneaking around the kitchen and knocked over some canned beans in the process. This made quite a bit of noise so when the wife went to the kitchen to investigate, she was pleasantly surprised to see that the cat was out of the bag and that she had spilled the beans.

Cheer up Hilary!

At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

My father was used to saying "Cheer up, things could be worse."

So I cheered up, and sure enough, things got worse.

[Request] Need jokes to cheer up BIL after surgery with less than desired results

Hi /r/jokes!

My brother-in-law had major surgery on his fully functional leg two days ago. He came out of the surgery unable to move his foot. There is no apparent reason for the lack of foot functionality.

I am here to request a wide range of jokes about his foot. Clean jokes to d...

A guy dies and goes straight to hell.

A guy dies and goes straight to hell. He is greeted there by Satan - who says "Hey! Cheer up! Hell is not so bad - we give you choices!"

He points to three doors and says "You get to pick one - and you get to peek behind the door before you choose." So he opens the first door and there is a ...

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A nice day

Two old men are sat on a bench at the park. A young, fit girl runs past in a sports bra and a tiny pair of shorts. One of the men smiles and this brings the girl over.

"Why are you staring at me and grinning, you pervert?" she says.

The old man sweetly replies "My dear I'm not smiling ...

I tried my best to cheer up a friend that had been jobless for 2 years...

but none of them work

How to cheer up your spouse

A man comes home from a tough day at work and sits down on the couch. His wife comes up to him and asks how his day was.

"It was the worst day this month. Everything went wrong and the boss blamed me for everything, even things that I had nothing to do with".

His wife said "I'm sorry ...

How do you cheer up a brand new battery?

Remind him that he's full of untapped potential!

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Two Communist leaders - one happy, one sad - met in a hallway

"Boris, why the long face?", the happy one asked. "Cheer up!"

"Easy for you to say, Andrei", the sad one replied. "I've just been given an order from the very top. I'm supposed to figure out which of the Party members are secretly Christians and arrest them. But how am I supposed to do that?"...

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What did the hard dick say to the limp dick?

Cheer up. You’re not the one going into a 10 inch hole and offing yourself!

How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend

My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".

Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".

To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.

I read an article that said to cheer up as adults, we should embrace things we loved as kids.

So, when I am sad I hide in the shower and try to watch the babysitter pee.

An elderly lady would always bring flowers she picked from her garden to a local hospital to cheer up the pediatric patients.

One day a worker was installing a new sign in the lobby when a metal bar from his scaffolding fell. He was harnessed in to the part that didn't fall, but the bar hit the elderly lady with the flowers, killing her instantly.

Two years later the maintenance guy was walking down a corridor after...

My friend seemed sad. He told me his wife cut him down to once a week

Apparently I was wrong. He didn't cheer up at all when I told him I know three guys she cut out altogether.

A man and his wife are driving around

When suddenly another car crasher right on the passenger's seat.
The man then rushes his wife to the hospital where she is taken to the operating room for surgery.

8 hours pass and the man has been waiting outside worried for his wife, when the door opens and the doctor comes out exausted...

Happiness

Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump are on a plane. As the plane flies over a poor city, the Korean dictator looks through the window and claims:

-If I were to toss a dollar off the plane, I would make one person happy.

-If I were to throw a hundred dollars in pennies, I could...

On the 8th day.

And on the 8th day Adam had a bad day, and God came to him.

God said: "I know you are troubled Adam, maybe I can cheer up with some nerve cells I didn't need to create you."

Adam grumbled and yelled back to God: "You can stick them in my ass!"

Read this one online a while back

An engineer dies and goes to hell. At first, he's reluctant to come to terms with where he is.

The devil sees him, and says" Cheer up, hell isn't so bad. I'll prove it, you can have the best room in the house."

The engineer happily accepts and is led to something that looks like it was...

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