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Carpe Jokes

Carpe Diem is a great motto and all...

but if you seize everyday, you probably have epilepsy

I had a Fish

That could breakdance, on the carpet, for 20 seconds, only once.

What is it called when you need to get a hold of someone's private messages for incriminating evidence?

Carpe DM

What do you call a personal message that motivates one to feel alive and do things?

Carpe DM

I get confused with these Latin phrases.

Is it carpe tunnel or per diem?

What do you call that friend who will always seize the opportunity to run a Dungeons & Dragons game for your group?

A Carpe D.M

Sign above an Instagram entrepreneur's door:

"Carpe DM"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New US dollar announced today...

They've decided to change the motto. After much pressure from atheist groups, they're removing 'In God We Trust' and going back to Latin. However, 'E Pluribus Unum' sounds too foreign and reeks of socialism, so they're going with a more simple and straightforward 'Carpe Vulva'.

The runner up ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two buddies are drinking at a bar..

.. having a good time. The older man mentions that he needs some relationship advice, that he has a big-time crush but isn't sure if they reciprocate.

The younger guy encourages him, saying he just needs to communicate it or maybe booze dat ass up and see where things go.

The older gu...

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