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Calle Jokes

One sinking sub is called The Titan, what do you call a fleet of sinking subs?

Reddit.

Chuck Norris called 911

And asked if they needed help.

What is a Karen called in Europe?

An American

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If sex with three people is called threesome and sex with four people is called foursome.

I guess now I know why people call me handsome

I started a band called 999 Megabytes

We still haven't gotten a gig.

If Stranger Things was British it’d be called

Bit Odd Innit?

Why is Texas called the Lone Star state?

Because you can’t leave a zero stars rating

I’m in a band called “The Palindromes.”

Our first single is called “If I had a HiFi.”

Son: why is my sister called Teresa?

Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram

Son: Thanks dad

Dad: No problem Alan

President Biden has called for full legalization of marijuana

Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session.

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Called my friend.

I called my friend just now and said, "I have a joke for you."

Friend: "Ok shoot"

Me: "What has a tiny penis and hangs down?"

Friend: "I dunno what?"

Me: A bat.. now what has an enormous penis and hangs up?

Friend: I dunno what?


*Click*

Whomever called them Kegels….

And not puss-ups really missed out

When Tom Hanks writes his memoir it should be called...

'T. Hanks - For the Memories'

A police officer responding to a gunshot call called his police chief.

"We got an old lady who shot her husband for walking on the floor after she just mopped it," he reported.

"Have you arrested her?" the chief asked.

"Nope. The floor's still wet," he replied.

If Joe Biden’s wife is called the first lady, what do we call his mother?

Joe mama.

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The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96.

Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

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The new sex position is called Brexit:

It's when you promise to pull out but you don't:

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My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

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My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...

She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.

The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called....

Fast 10 Your Seat Belt.

Mexico called.

They are willing to pay for the wall now.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq..

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

If someone who speaks three languages is called trilingual and someone who speaks two languages is called bilingual, what do you call someone who speaks only one language?

American

a scammer called my grandma and said he had all her passwords

she got a pen and paper and said 'thank god for that, what are they'

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Who is calling?

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.

Paddy answered, "We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in."

There was a stony silence for a second ...

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My wife called out another man's name during sex

If I ever find out who this "Ron Hole" is, I'm going to kill him

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On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."

"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to the...

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

What’s the male version of a Karen called?

I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

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I called the Child Abuse Hotline

A kid answered, called me a fat cunt, and told me to fuck off.

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When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome. When 3 people do it it's called a threesom

I guess that's why they call me handsome...

A blonde called her boyfriend and said,

“Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to put it together or how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde said, “ According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decide...

So my twin brother called me from prison

He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

What’s a group of chubby newborns called?

Heavy infantry

Avril Lavigne could have just called her song Skater boy instead of Sk8er Boi.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

Forty years ago, I got a phone call from a solicitor…

Forty years ago, I got a phone call from a solicitor asking to speak to my husband.

I told him my husband wasn't home at the moment.

He called several more times, and again, my husband wasn't home.

Getting tired of his phone calls, I finally said to him to hang on a minute. ...

The first song from my new group, The Palindromes, is called...

If I Had A Hi-Fi

What will the USA be called if it spilt into 2?

USA and USB

A pack of donkeys is called "a drove". But what do you call a pack of camels?

It's called "the reason your daddy left", Johnny. That's what it's called.

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I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

I called a dwarf by the wrong name.

He wasn't Happy.

Why are catholic priests called father?

Because "daddy" would be too suspicious

I’m glad # is not called pound anymore.

Otherwise, the #metoo movement would be sending the wrong message.

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My Ex called me a sex machine

Well. her exact words were "fucking tool" but I knew what she meant.


Taken from Tinder bio post...

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Convincing your girlfriend that she's crazy is called gaslighting and it's a dick move.

Convincing her that she's a robot with artificial intelligence and implanted memories is called bladerunning and it's a Philip K. Dick move.

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