Why do we call them pimps?

We COULD have called them hooker bookers.

The young alien didn't understand why we call them "dad jokes" ...

Until one day it became apparent

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

In the US cops are called pigs, in Russia they call them goats.

A man shows up at a police station in Russia and says there is a dead goat on the road two blocks away. The cops are like There was no need to come here, call the city or whatever. The guy says Well, I thought when somebody dies the first thing they do is inform their relatives.

Why do we call them side quests...

when we can call them...

peripheral missions

There are 3 farmers, let’s call them A, B and C. Which one is the best with medicine?

Farmer C

Why do they call them postal workers

and not mail escorts?

Why call them Blue Balls...

When you can call them a Cummy Ache?

You know, they used to call them jumpolines!

Until your Mom hopped on one back in '76.

Don't call them "fat"

They are "horizontally challenged"

In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators

Because we’re raised differently.

(Moose Allain)

Back in my day we didn’t call them school shootings

We called them surprise hide and seek

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three idiots, from the Midwest, I’ll have to call them idiots because their shenanigans were exactly that, idiotic...

Nothing to do with them being from the Midwest but more to do with the fact that they were midway into their cups.

One summer day as they lay in a field somewhere, taking in some sun, each with a half drunk bottle of wine in them they began to get bored.

Idiot No #1 says to idiots, #2 ...

PSA: Please don't call them dwarves...

It's not the proper gnomenclature.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why they call them man boobs

I prefer to call mine obesititties

Who decided to call them deli slices and not...

... Meat Thins?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can't call them "Shithole" countries anymore.

They are now Turd World countries.

Hey when ISIS is gone do we call them.....

WASWAS then?

I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my...

Rameses kitchen nightmares.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 2 whales, we'll call them whale #1 and whale #2

Whale #1 said "Hey let's use our blowholes to mess with that ship"

Whale #2 said "Sure, okay"

The boat flipped upside down and people were drowning and swimming around

Whale #1 then said "Let's eat these people"

Whale #2 replied "Hey man I was up for a blowjob but I'm no...

I had a band I'd call them "Prevention"

At least we'd always be better than The Cure.

Next time someone asks me to call them a cab

I'll say You're a cab.

We don't call them gas chambers.

We call them surprise mechanics.

- Nuremberg Trials 1945

If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call him a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate.

What do you call someone who makes theri fortune selling fridges?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't think it's correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore...

They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.

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The teacher told us that the first people to have a surname had some kind of story on how people began to call them that, like how Michael Collins was a drunkard

Somehow i dont wanna know Emily Dickinson's story.

They could reboot the Fast and Furious franchise movies as Pirate movies and call them Avast ye Furious

Because they should stop and not do that

I figured out why they call them “step goals”

You don’t love them as much as your real goals

Why do they call them matches?

Because they all look alike!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder why they call them cocktail peanuts...

“Because I guess (liquor peanuts) isn’t as catchy.”

I got this new pair of jeans and they're really stretchy so I call them my dancing pants...

because of the ballroom.

It's no longer politically correct to call them tweakers.

They're Methican Americans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do they call them balls?

Balls is a terrible name for that part of the male anatomy. It implies all the things you wouldn't want done to them. You bounce a ball, throw a ball, kick a ball....

Instead they should call them mints.

So I hear EA has removed all refund options from their website, and now customers have to call them directly. But hey:

"The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment from successfully navigating our automated phone menu."

If I glued dollar bills to my sneakers, what would you call them?


Why do we still call them newspapers when most of them aren't on paper...

and most of them don't contain news?

Why Do They Call Them 'Band Camps'?

Because 'minstrel camps' sounds bad.

I don't know why they call them "dog tranquilizers."

They seem to work just fine on people, too.

Why do they call them thunder storms and not lightning storms?

Thunder storms just *sound* better

I don't think we should call them "bills."

Because Bill is a man's name and bills are fee mail.

Crossing guards get mad when you call them what they really are...

Human Traffic-ers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why they call them drug deals...

That shit's expensive!

Why do priests have you call them Father..

Because 'Daddy' was too obvious

Why do they call them "roach clips"?

Because "pot holder" was already taken.

A Newfie had caught two lobsters and was walking home along the coast ...

... when a cop drove by and saw him. The cop pulled over and stopped the man.

"Sir, are you aware it's not lobster season, and it's illegal to fish lobsters?"

"Me son," the Newfie said. "I didn't fish 'em. Deez lobsters are me pets."

"Sir, no one keeps lobsters as pets. I'll ha...

I think Unilever should print little government conspiracies on their cotton swabs.

They could call them “Q tips”


someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your pulse race and changes you forever...

We call them cops.


My roommates have very strong opinions about lemons

One says lemons are the worst type of citrus.

One says lemons are the absolute best.

Both call them "sublime."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were once three friends who were absolutely inseparable in high school.

They did everything together. You could not find one without the other two nearby. But, as so often happens, after graduation, they all went their separate ways. One of the friends went on to become a very successful defense attorney. Top of his class at Harvard Law, opened his own firm, made everyo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is medically proven that regular ejaculations greatly reduce the risk of prostate cancer. (NSFW)

Call them Health Nuts.

I've been trying to kick my roommates out for months now.

But they keep insisting that I call them my parents.

A world wide law for sailors

A new world wide law is issued for all the sailors in the world: they need to go and get all the children they conceived outside their marriage.

Stan, a sailor from San Francisco, came out to his wife and told her that besides the three children they had together, he has three more around the...

My mother recently passed away, and my aunt and cousins are a bunch of reprobates.

Isn't that what you call them when they're trying to contest the will?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A interaction between me and my GF

GF: What are those lights lights called? not the LGBTQ lights but....

Me: You... mean RGB lights?

Gf: Yes!! yes, those ones.

Both: \*laughter\*

GF: Don't call them that hahahah

Me: Nonono they're LGBTQ lights from now on.

Me: Oh yeah my computer has LGBTQ li...

An unknown number calls a man at work.

He immediately hangs up without saying anything.

His boss watches him do this and asks, "Why did you hang up?"

The man answers, "I didn't know the number".

His boss, seething with rage, shouts "CALL THEM BACK RIGHT NOW".

The man complie...

People all over the world are freaking out when they find snakes in their car.

Here in Australia its pretty common, we just call them windscreen vipers.

A woman from[Insert trashy town name here] goes to the local social security office

The registrar asks her a few background questions.

How many kids do you have? I have 8 boys, she says
Ok - what’s the name of the first one? John, she says
Ok - what’s the name of the second one? John, she says
The registrar says - they are both named John? Yes - she replies.
Ok ...

A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket...

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he's writing.
The farmer says "I see you're being bothered by those circle flies."

The policeman says, "If that's what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying."

The far...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandma told me this joke.

An older gentlemen with some money in his pocket was heading down an old country dirt road with peddlers and wares dealers every few miles.

He runs across a man with several of the biggest roosters he's ever seen, at a price even better. He has to have one, so he says "Sir! Sir! I must have o...

I've been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish.

I call them beta bettas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Microsoft had the Holo-lens, Google had Google Glass..

Apple missed the opportunity to create augmented reality glasses and call them iBrowse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

My Brother in law had a chat with a game warden once.

My brother in law was stopped by the game warden recently with two ice chests full of live fish in water; leaving a river well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

“Naw, my friend, I ain’t got no license. These here are my ...

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