UPJOKE
talk to friendnamecall someonecall friendmake phone callpick up phonecallcallersummonforecallcallinglynoncallmiscallcountercallhalloa

Call Them Jokes

In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators

Because we’re raised differently.

(Moose Allain)
upvote downvote report

If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate and if someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. So what do you call someone who makes their fortune...

...selling fridges?
upvote downvote report

PSA: Please don't call them dwarves...

It's not the proper gnomenclature.
upvote downvote report

Why didn't we call them Galactic Towns instead of...

>!Universities!<
upvote downvote report

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We shouldn’t call them homophobes

We should call them gaycists

we used to call them "food fights"...

...kids today call them "all you can yeet buffets"
upvote downvote report

Why do we call them pimps?

We COULD have called them hooker bookers.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know why they call them a hurricane and not a himicane?

Because they come in all wet and wild, and when they leave you ain't got shit left.

Why call them Blue Balls...

When you can call them a Cummy Ache?
upvote downvote report

Why do we call them side quests...

when we can call them...



peripheral missions
upvote downvote report

There are 3 farmers, let’s call them A, B and C. Which one is the best with medicine?

Farmer C
upvote downvote report

The young alien didn't understand why we call them "dad jokes" ...

Until one day it became apparent
upvote downvote report

Don't call them "fat"

They are "horizontally challenged"
upvote downvote report

Why do they call them postal workers

and not mail escorts?
upvote downvote report

You know, they used to call them jumpolines!

Until your Mom hopped on one back in '76.
upvote downvote report

In the US cops are called pigs, in Russia they call them goats.

A man shows up at a police station in Russia and says there is a dead goat on the road two blocks away. The cops are like There was no need to come here, call the city or whatever. The guy says Well, I thought when somebody dies the first thing they do is inform their relatives.
upvote downvote report

Hey when ISIS is gone do we call them.....

WASWAS then?
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can't call them "Shithole" countries anymore.

They are now Turd World countries.

My grandfather told me this one not long before he died

A man is in his boat out on the lake with a bucket full of fish that he had just caught. A wildlife officer spots him and pulls his boat up alongside. Seeing the bucket of fish in the man's boat, the wildlife officer asks to see his fishing license.

The man tells the officer that he doesn't n...
upvote downvote report

We don't call them gas chambers.

We call them surprise mechanics.

- Nuremberg Trials 1945
upvote downvote report

Back in my day we didn’t call them school shootings

We called them surprise hide and seek
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't think it's correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore...

They seem to prefer the label "alt-write" nowadays.

Why do they call them matches?

Because they all look alike!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why they call them man boobs

I prefer to call mine obesititties

Who decided to call them deli slices and not...

... Meat Thins?
upvote downvote report

I had a band I'd call them "Prevention"

At least we'd always be better than The Cure.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make your partner scream during sex?

Call them and tell them about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?

You call them antisemantic!

As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others...

Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?
upvote downvote report

Next time someone asks me to call them a cab

I'll say You're a cab.
upvote downvote report

A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket...

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he's writing.

The farmer says "I see you're being bothered by those circle flies."

The policeman says, "If that's what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying."

The...
upvote downvote report

I figured out why they call them “step goals”

You don’t love them as much as your real goals
upvote downvote report

Why Do They Call Them 'Band Camps'?

Because 'minstrel camps' sounds bad.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 2 whales, we'll call them whale #1 and whale #2

Whale #1 said "Hey let's use our blowholes to mess with that ship"

Whale #2 said "Sure, okay"

The boat flipped upside down and people were drowning and swimming around

Whale #1 then said "Let's eat these people"

Whale #2 replied "Hey man I was up for a blowjob but I'm no...

It's no longer politically correct to call them tweakers.

They're Methican Americans.
upvote downvote report

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.

The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, **"Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"**

"Yup," says the woman. "Makes it ea...
upvote downvote report

Why do we still call them newspapers when most of them aren't on paper...

and most of them don't contain news?
upvote downvote report

I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my...

Rameses kitchen nightmares.
upvote downvote report

I don't know why they call them "dog tranquilizers."

They seem to work just fine on people, too.
upvote downvote report

I don't think we should call them "bills."

Because Bill is a man's name and bills are fee mail.
upvote downvote report

Why do priests have you call them Father..

Because 'Daddy' was too obvious
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three idiots, from the Midwest, I’ll have to call them idiots because their shenanigans were exactly that, idiotic...

Nothing to do with them being from the Midwest but more to do with the fact that they were midway into their cups.

One summer day as they lay in a field somewhere, taking in some sun, each with a half drunk bottle of wine in them they began to get bored.

Idiot No #1 says to idiots, #2 ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why they call them drug deals...

That shit's expensive!

If I glued dollar bills to my sneakers, what would you call them?

Cashews
upvote downvote report

Why do they call them thunder storms and not lightning storms?

Thunder storms just *sound* better
upvote downvote report

Why do they call them "roach clips"?

Because "pot holder" was already taken.
upvote downvote report

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

He has two in his boat when the police approach him.

The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.

"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they ...
upvote downvote report

They could reboot the Fast and Furious franchise movies as Pirate movies and call them Avast ye Furious

Because they should stop and not do that
upvote downvote report

Crossing guards get mad when you call them what they really are...

Human Traffic-ers.
upvote downvote report

I got this new pair of jeans and they're really stretchy so I call them my dancing pants...

because of the ballroom.
upvote downvote report

A Newfie had caught two lobsters and was walking home along the coast ...

... when a cop drove by and saw him. The cop pulled over and stopped the man.

"Sir, are you aware it's not lobster season, and it's illegal to fish lobsters?"

"Me son," the Newfie said. "I didn't fish 'em. Deez lobsters are me pets."

"Sir, no one keeps lobsters as pets. I'll ha...
upvote downvote report

Why do we refer to priests as "father"?

Because it would be too suspicious to call them "daddy".
upvote downvote report

So I hear EA has removed all refund options from their website, and now customers have to call them directly. But hey:

"The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment from successfully navigating our automated phone menu."
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information