Bring Home Jokes - 9 Hilarious Bring Home Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three friends were bragging about who has the most . The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch ! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”
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Two Beggars in London. ()

Two beggars in London

Ali and Habib are beggars.
They beg in different areas of London ...

Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot ...

A dad and mom bring home a baby boy.

The dad is so excited, practically jumping up and down in joy to start popping dad jokes left and right. "honey calm down. You have to wait till he's at least 5 to start telling them to him" the mom says, to which the dad replys, "then I will wait."

On the sons fifth birthday the dad walks up...

With bars reopening, exotic dancers can once again bring home the bacon...

...but only one strip at a time.

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes yesterday.

She wasn't happy when I came back with a push up bra.

My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month.

"Crippling depression," I told him.

What did Zach De La Rocha bring home from the beach?

A pocket full of shells.

My wife left me because of autocorrect

That's the last time she'll ever text me saying "Can you please bring home some from the supermarket?"

Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with one dollar

...and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, face powder etc..

Grandson: Nowadays it's difficult. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.

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