How fast does SCP-173 move?

Breakneck speeds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is late to school one day.

When he finally enters the class huffing and puffing, the teacher says curtly, "Little Johnny, you're almost an hour late for school. Would you please tell your classmates why you're late today, and why your time is more precious than all of ours?"

Little Johnny can't believe the teacher has ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American tourist is riding his mountain bike at breakneck speed down a narrow, twisting trail in the Swiss Alps

As he goes to pass a local woman tending to her farm animals in a small field, she turns and yells at him, "PIG!!!!"

The guy is a bit stunned, because the Swiss are usually polite and reserved. But he feels offended, and turns his head and yells back at her, "BITCH!!!"

As he rounds th...

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

I guess that people that got whiplash...

Were travelling at "breakneck" speed!

[long] A snail in a fast car

By some quirk of fortune a snail gained sentience and ended up winning the lottery. With his new found wealth he was pondering what to do so he hatched a plan. He headed off down to his nearest Porsche dealership and when he arrived 2 weeks later he crawled up to the salesman.

"excuse me" the...

[Request] Drinking or medieval jokes. Super bonus if both. They can certainly be offensive. I'll start.

Going on a medieval pub crawl and offensive and/or drinking jokes get you to the head of the line at each bar. I'm hoping you can keep me in the front and my fellow crawlers entertained.

But this is r/jokes, so here's ~~one~~ two to get us started:

A king was preparing to ride off on ...

2 Jokes

Joke 1: A man is driving alongside a cliff leading down into the ocean. He's a delivery man for Dunkin' donuts, so his truck is filled with boxes of donuts of every kind. Glazed, old-fashioned, even apple fritters, you name it, he has it in his truck. Now this man is in a hurry, and he's driving pre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clown late for the circus.

There's a big circus show going on in Dallas, Texas one evening. One of the clowns, however, is running late to the show. He quickly puts on his clown uniform, and jumps into his car. He floors the gas, traveling down the highway at breakneck speed hoping to get to the show in time.

Unfortuna...

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