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Beat It Jokes

What's something you lose when you beat it?

No Nut November.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Old joke) A supermarket opened up next to a small grocer and to show how much cheaper they were put a big sign out the front advertising butter.

The grocer used to sell butter for 50p a packet, but the supermarket advertised it for 49p. The next day the grocer put a big sign on the front saying:

Butter: 48p

The supermarket couldn't afford to lose face so the next day it was loudly advertising:

BUTTER, ONLY 47p

How...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friends were very supportive when I told them about my addiction to masturbation.

They said I would beat it.

How does Michael Jackson Beat It?

With the Jackson Five

What did the sign on the door of the brothel say?

Beat it, we’re closed.

Little girl goes up to her father and says "Daddy talk like a frog"

Dad says "get out of here, talk like a frog." The next day again the little girl says "daddy talk like a frog."
Dad says "I told you yesterday beat it with the frog stuff."
Again on the next day she says to her dad "Daddy please can you talk like a frog?"
Her dad looks at her an...

I fought an erection this morning

Beat it single handed.

I found an easy cookie recipe that said to put all the ingredients in one bowl and beat it.

I'm not sure what good it did though, when I came back nothing had changed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This weekend I'm curing my masturbation addiction once and for all...

Either I'm going to beat it, or I'm going to beat it.

What did Lisa Marie say to Michael Jackson when she wasn't in the mood?

Just beat it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got into a fight with my boner this morning:

Don't worry, I beat it single handedly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and he is completely parched. He sits at the bar, pats his pockets and realises he's left his wallet at home. He calls to the bartender,

"Hey pal, I've left my wallet at home but hey... tell you what, if I can show you something incredible, will you give me a free beer...

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One ...

It took a long time to teach my nephew that violence is never ever the answer.

I think I finally beat it into him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you are addicted to masturbation, talk to a priest.

He'll be happy to help you beat it.

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