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Why did Adolf Hitler yell at the waiter ?

He hated the juice.

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Adolf Hitler dies and arrives at the gates of heaven …

Jesus opens the gate and asks what he wants.

“ can I get into heaven ?”asks Hitler.

Jesus looks at him in disbelief “ your joking? You’re Adolf Hitler one of the most hated men in history, responsible for the death and suffering of millions.. I don’t think so!”

Hitler says “ I t...

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I told my wife that I have the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.

She said, "It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people, shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler."

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76 years ago today, Adolf Hitler did what no one else was able to do

He killed Hitler.

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It's absurd to compare Donald Trump to Adolf Hitler

Hitler volunteered for the army.

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What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Adolf Hitler?

Hitler won an election.

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What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler

Usain Bolt can actually finish the race

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Why did Adolf Hitler wear contacts?

Because he could Nazi.

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Adolf Hitler never took a taxi in his whole life.

He was more of an Uber-mensch.

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Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf Hitler never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

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My Wife Says I Look Like A Young Adolf Hitler...

Guess Im Just NotSee-ing it.

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Adolf asked his advisor "How's the weather today?"

"Hail, Hitler"

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What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft

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Adolf Hitler has just took up golf...

He always manages to find himself in the bunker.

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What is it that most women do in their daily lives but is considered a tragedy when Adolf Hitler did?

Remove Polish using chemicals.

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A bug pimp is a lot like Adolf Hitler

One brings holocausts and the other ho locusts.

Thanks I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitresses.

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The year is 1944. The Americans are advancing fast. Adolf Hitler is furious and starts to listen to defensive tactics proposed by his commanders...

The first commander suggests they pull out the tanks from the Eastern front and deploy them in the Western front, so that the defenses there would be hard to go past.

"Are you crazy? That's a horrible idea!" Hitler exclaimed.

The second commander steps in and suggests a horrible idea f...

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Adolf Hitler is walking around in a prisoner camp.

As he is passing through he see a kid who is giving his food rations to an injured dog.

Hitler walks up to the kid and asks him, "Why are you giving your food to the dog? You know you wont get extra."

The boy replies, "The dog needed it more than me, sir."

Hitler felt something ...

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Why did Adolf Hitler commit suicide at the end of WW2?

He was mad that Stalin had killed more Russians than he ever could.

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Adolf Hitler is given a day out of hell, back on Earth.

Half an hour later, he's pounding on hell's gates: "Let me back in, I don't want to be there! It's all strange - the Jews are fighting and the Germans are trading!"

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What do you call a movie about Adolf Hitler?

The Germinator.

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“I went back in time and killed Adolf Hitler!”

“Who?”

(Taken from r/funny)

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What is Adolf Hitlers favorite letter of the alphabet?

I dont know but im 100% sure its not Z

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Adolf Hitler is discussing plans to invade the Soviet Union with his officers. In order to save cost, Hitler doesn’t want to supply rain gear. He asks his senior officer, “Is it still snowing there”

The senior officer replies, “It’s just a little hail, Hitler.”

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Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and Adolf Hitler are all running in a race, who wins?

Hitler, cause he’s the racist

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Remember, tomorrow is Adolf Hitler’s birthday

I’ve got a cake all ready for him in the oven

What did the wife name her newborn quintuplets?

Adolf, Rudolph, Get-off, Stay-off and F-off.

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When Adolf Hitler gets angry and leaves...

Is he taking his ball and going home?

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Adolf Hitler wasn't so bad...

I mean he did kill Hitler.

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I‘m sure Adolf Hitler went to hell

Suicide is a big sin

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Adolf Hitler has never touched Call of Duty...

...and yet, he still has a better KDR than me.

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Before art school, Adolf Hitler tried programming,

but he always got stuck on race conditions.

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Why did Adolf Hitler fail Art School?

He hated mixing colour.

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If Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Justin Bieber were in an elevator with me and I only had two bullets, I would...

..wonder why I didn't bring a fucking gun!

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Why did Adolf Hitler hate math class?

He didn't like showing his work; was only interested in the final solution.

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What happens when you mix Adolf Hitler and domestic violence?

Adolf *Hit-Her*

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What did Adolf Hitler say when he got shampoo in his eye?

Ahhh I can Nazi!!!

Dad, my Geography teacher Adolf will give me a quiz tomorrow.

Sure Hans. Let me ask you some questions.

Capital of Germany? Berlin

Capital of France? Berlin

Capital of Russia? Berlin

Capital of Poland? Berlin

Capital of USA? Tokyo

Capital of China? Tokyo

Hotel? Trivago

That's my boy.

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Who was Adolf Hitler's least favorite athlete?

O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows Hitler hated The Juice.

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What do Dale Earnhardt and Adolf Hitler have in common?

They both died before finishing a race.

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what do you call a fascist with pooping problems?

adolf shitler

How did Adolf tie his shoes?

With two knotzies.

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Little Johnny's teacher held a contest one Friday in school.

"Class, I'm going to give you a famous quotation, and if you can tell me who said it, I'll give you the day off on Monday.

"The first one is, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.' Who said that one?"

Little Johnny's hand shoots up immediately...

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Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...

...Because Marathons are the master race.

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Adolf Hitler has been judged very harshly by history however..

he did kill Hitler.
NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr

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I inherited one of the paintings done by Adolf Hitler today.

I don't want to hang it in my house though. I'm afraid it's bad Jew Jew.

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What do Terry Fox and Adolf Hitler have in common?

Neither one of them could finish a race.

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A joke a school kid told me which always stuck

Knock knock

Who's there?

Adolf

Adolf who?

A-dolf balls stuck in my mouth

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The world would be a much better place if people like Adolf Hitler were still born.

EDIT: typo, 'stillborn'

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A conversation between Hitler and one of his high-rank officers

Alright my grandpa told me this one, here we go:

The officer: *comes into hitlers office* Adolf! Italy joined the war!
Hitler: oh no Problem just send 2 divisions to defeat them.
The officer: No, they joined on our side!
Hitler: ah feck send 4 divisions to help them out!

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What do you call a Nazi leader who only listens to obscure bands?

Adolf Hipster

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Hitler and Mussolini are in a war meeting when Mussolini's stomach starts rumbling

"If you'll excuse me Adolf," said Mussolini "I have to go drop a Duce."

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Menachem Begin (the sixth Prime Minister of Israel) walks into a bar,

and to his amazement just down the end, talking to the bar-tender is no one but Adolf Hitler himself. Well Begin thought to himself, this is my chance to find out what makes this guy tick.

So he goes up to him and says, “Hitler, what the hell you doing here?”

Hitler looks over at Mena...

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Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

What do you call a German dolphin?

Adolf-in

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Today is 4/20 and we all know what that means -

Happy birthday, Adolf Hitler!

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Hitler dies and goes to hell...

As he arrives, Satan greets him.

"Welcome to hell, Hitler." He says. "You deserve a place here for your actions. I will show you 3 rooms, and you'll have to switch places with the person inside the room. Now, follow me please."

Hitler stays silent and follows Satan. They walk into a co...

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If you have a meal on top of...

...the leader of the Nazis, does that mean you can say you Adolf Hitler?

An unrecognized talent

"So, what's the capital of Germany?"
"Berlin"
"Very well! And the capital of France?"
"Mhhhh... Berlin?"
"Well, not exactly... Maybe you can tell me the capital of Poland"
"I know it! Berlin, right?"
"You really like Berlin eh? Well, at least you should remember the capital of Aust...

TIL that fanta was created during WWII, when Coke Germany invented a way to efficiently process juice.

You should have seen Adolf's face when he realised he had misheard his receptionist.

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At the movies

Said to my mate, "I just watched that film about the Nazis"
He said, "Oh right, the one with Adolf in?"
I said, "No mate, you're thinking of 'Flipper', this was just about the Nazis"

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

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I translated this joke into English from my native language

Woman goes to the witch and asks what will she accomplish in her life the witch says: “You will cause death of 60 million people,, Woman runs through whole city and when she gets to her house she sees a small boy sitting in the middle of the road and big truck coming towards him she grabs him takes ...

A man decided to visit a fortune teller...

After looking into his hand and into the crystal ball, the fortune teller says in a dramatic tone:

“You sir, will be responsible for the death of millions”

Shocked and taken aback, the man goes back to his home. Along the way, he passes near a river and sees a small boy drowning helple...

One time I gave my honest thoughts on this dude’s art

I said “I appreciate the effort, but you should really look into another career, Adolf”

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What sea creature would Hitler be?

Adolf-in.

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Nazi

Rudolph Hess edited Mein Kampf for Adolf Hitler, making him the first grammar Nazi.

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An elderly Jewish woman

wins the lottery, $30 million after taxes. She goes to her Rabbi to discuss what to do with the money.

She first says, "I'd like to spend $10 million on myself and my family."

The Rabbi replies, "It would be good to enjoy your winnings, and family is important."

She then says sh...

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Hitler walks into a bar.

The owner, surprised to see the German leader at his bar, asks if he’d like his top-notch bourbon on the house. “No thanks,” Hitler replies. “I’ll just take a screwdriver.” One screwdriver turned into 10 before Adolf called it quits and headed home.

The next night, Hitler returned to the bar...

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So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf Hitler... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up hi...

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Upon discovering that he lost WWII, hitler heads to his bunker and shoots himself with a pistol.

He feels himself ascending and a floaty feeling, and comes face to face with a glowing figure.
"Who the hell are you?" He asks.
"I'm an angel from heaven, mr Adolf!" Says the angel.
"Why am I in heaven? I've committed every single cardinal sin of the church!" exclaims Hitler.
"Well you'r...

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Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish,

But Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast

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What is Minecraft?

Adolf Hitler's lesser known second book about his love of knitting.

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