America has been having a lot of bad luck lately

It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

2 monkeys sat on a branch, one says "ooh ooohh aha ha aha!"

The other says "careful, that's hot."

Instead of a Handyman, my apartment complex has a Handywoman.

She's a bit of a pothead but damn good at her job. Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women.

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Heaven is overcrowded, so Saint Peter has to come up with a plan.

His plan is, that he will only allow people who died in an interesting way through the Pearly Gates. There are three guys arriving at the same time, so Saint Peter goes to the first and says: "My son, heaven is overcrowded, I will only let you enter if you died in an interesting way."
The guy s...

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My wife has an eccentric but harmless new habit. She started taking a fish to bed with her. It didn’t really bother me until last night.

When I suggested we have sex, she replied: “Not tonight, dear, I have a haddock.”

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My grandpa has it pretty rough; he has to use a colostomy bag and his forgetfulness can be a burden on his daily life.

Every now and then he just loses his shit.

A recent study found that California has the highest rate of Depression and Infidelity in America.

It's a sad state of affairs.

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