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A Ha Jokes

Ha Ha Ha...i just in inhaled a Helium balloon..

He He He

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So the Belgians are pissed...

The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "meh, we will build...

I bought a cake that had "ha ha" written on it

It tasted funny

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Policeofficer stops a guy

so; the police officer stops a guy midnight on an empty street.
"what we got here? you seem to be drunk" says the officer

the guy in the car replies; "sir, i'm not drunk, i dont drink alcohol, i'm just on my way home"

officer: "sounds like something a drunk guy would say, lets do a ...

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A Hippie sits next to a young Nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her?

The Nun, very upset, says “NO! I am married to God!!" and gets off the bus disgusted.

The bus driver sees all this. He tells the hippie “She prays every Tuesday night at midnight in the graveyard...
why don't you dress up in a hooded robe; go to the graveyard and tell her you are God and d...

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An 80 year old blind man walks into a pub and sits at the bar.

He orders a pint and tells the landlord, "I've been blind for 50 years lad. My hearing's perfectly attuned. I bet can tell you what's happening in any room in this pub."

"Oh really", says the landlord, "go ahead then".

The old man cups a hand round his ear, tilts his head to the ceil...

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The Hippie and the Nun

The Hippie and the Nun

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.

When the bus starts again, the bu...

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A bear and a rabbit are arguing in the forest...

The genie is quite sick of hearing them so he decides to do something about it.

"Gentlemen!" He exclaims, popping up between them in a puff of sparkly blue smoke, "You are clearly not happy. So, to mitigate this, I shall grant each of you three wishes!"

"OH! OH! I shall go first!" The ...

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody lies around it.

The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”

Son: “Yeah.”

Detector: “Beep.“

Son: “OK, OK, I was in a cinema.”

Detector: “Beep.”

Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”

Father: “What?! At your age, I ...

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Years of bad luck

A cocktail glass states, "If you break me, you'll receive 1 year of bad luck".

A mirror replied, "Yeah, well if you break me, you'll receive 7 years of bad luck".

Condom "HA HA HA HA"

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A priest and a pretty nun ride the bus home….

The priest approaches the nun and says “excuse me sister of the cloth, I don’t suppose you would give me a blowjob?”

Shocked, the nun replies “father, I cannot, I am devoted to god and my body belongs to him and him alone”

She hurries off the bus in disgust.

The bus arrives at t...

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A man records his wedding night…

A man decides to audio record his wedding night and one year later on their anniversary, play it back to re-live the wonderful sounds his wife was making that night. So he played it back and she was saying “ah ah…that’s happiness”. He was moved to tears.

He decided to share this special mome...

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I bet you haven't heard this one...

There was a group of elderly gentlemen who gathered every week to a sauna and tell jokes and have a few good laughs. Over the years they started to give numbers to the oldest jokes so they did not need to bother and tell the whole joke. As time passed a couple of their sons joined the joke-club and ...

A man was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself.

After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection. Now, completely without any happiness, his sanity began to slip away.

One morning, as he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a ship in the distance. He quickly starts a fire, then throws wet seaweed o...

A joke as told to me verbatim by my 4yo son: What's a Skeleton's favorite instrument to play?

A TromBONE!
Haha, Get it, Daddy? Because skeletons are made out of *BONES!* HA HA HA!

Me: DOOT DOOT!!

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Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship again.

One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty, silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you?"


The silver-haired Marcie...

Manners

A man returns home from work late at night. Suddenly when he gets to a very dark street, a vampiress pops up.

"Mwaa ha ha! mere mortal... surrender your blood! and pull down your pants right now!"

The man, both terrified and confused, replies:

"Wha--I thought you guys a-aimed fo...

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Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

What happens when you cross a hyiena with a guitar?

You get a Yamaha ha ha ha ha

Three nuns die in a car crash

They ascend to heaven and are met at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. “Before you can enter Heaven you must each answer a question to prove your piety.”
He turns to the first nun and asks “How many commandments did God give to Moses?” The nun says “Oh, that’s easy, 10!” Ba Bada Bah! The trumpet...

What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck! Ha ha!

THE SIN OF LYING

A minister told his congregation, “Next week, I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my
sermon, I want you to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon,
the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know
how many had...

What do cats eat on hot summer days?

A mice-cream cone!
Ha, ha ha

An American and a Polish farmer are riding the train together through Europe.

Feeling hungry the Polish farmer pulls an apple out of his bag.

American asks:

\- What is that?

\-This? An apple.

\- Ha Ha! Apples in America are 3 times that size.

Some time goes by, Polish farmer wants another snack. He takes a carrot out of his bag.

Ameri...

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Guy: I would tell you a joke about my dick but it's too long.

Girl: Ha HA... well I would tell you a joke about my pussy but you wouldn't get it.

"Mommy! Mommy! Little Johnny pulled down his pants and showed me his thingy!"

"Oh? That's... *weird*. Well, what did you think of it?"

"It reminded me of a peanut!"

"Ha ha! Because it was so tiny?"

"No. Salty."

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