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You Remember Jokes

Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why?

Inflation


Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The husband leans over and asks his wife "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?

We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a cr...

Me: Do you remember two girls one cup?

Interviewer: I meant do you have any questions about the job...

We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills, it’s 90210. But do you remember the one for Dawson’s Creek?

It’s 90108 (for our lives to be over)

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Do YOU remember your First Blowjob?

Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Oh yeah I do!
Son: How did it taste?

You remember those yardsticks?

They don't make them any longer.

Hey, do you remember that 90's boy band which advocated for a way to save water while peeing?

It was called "in sink" or something like that.

Do you remember blowing bubbles as a kid?

He says hi

Do you remember president Clinton’s intern Monica? She’s now republican.

Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

Do you remember this horror game?

I think it’s called Amnesia but I can’t remember.

Wife: Do you remember all the stupid things you have said to me?

Husband: I do.

God says to jesus, "You remembered it's father's day?"

Jesus says "what the hell am I supposed to get a man who has everything?!"

*God turns & winks at camera*

"Omnipresents."

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Irving, do you remember?

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

One day she picked up the urn he was in and poured him out on the coffee table. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes.

She said, "You know that fur coat you promised m...

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A friend asked me: Do you remember the first time you ever masturbated?

I said "Hell no, I can't even remember the first time I masturbated TODAY"

Do you remember the joke about hot coffee and ice cream?

Because affogato.

How do you remember your wife's birthday?

forget it once.

Do you remember blowing bubbles as a kid?

Well the clown is back in town, and he remembers you.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter,...

Husband and wife are shopping...

A Husband and Wife went shopping together just before Christmas. The wife quickly noticed that her husband was missing and because they had a lot to do she called him on his cell phone.
After the husband picked up the phone his wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do!"
He sa...

"Honey, do you remember this morning when I ran all over the place because I was so happy I found my keys again?"

"Erm yeah, was hard to miss, why?"
"... any idea where I could have put them afterwards?"

mom don't you remember

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a c...

Man: Will you remember me in 6 seconds?

Wife: Yes.

Man: Will you remember me in 6 minutes?

Wife: Yes.

Man: Will you remember me in 6 hours?

Wife: Yes!

Man: Will you remember me in 6 days?

Wife: Of Course!

Man: Will you remember me in 6 weeks?

Wife: Why wouldn’t I?

Man: Will yo...

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Did you remember how awkward it was

the talk your parents give you about sex.
Like so fucking awkward dude.
"Did you already cum".
Like yeah mom... Damn!!

Do you remember me telling you the joke about my bad spine?

It was about a weak back

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(NSFW) Mom, you remember that time I killed a butterfly and Dad said, 'No more butter for you!'

Mom, you remember that time I killed a butterfly and Dad said, 'No more butter for you!'

Yes Katie, I remember. I think you were about 8 years old. It probably seemed harsh, but I supported his decision even though it made you quite upset.

And, Mom, you remember that time I killed a ho...

Do you remember that 90s song "Rhythm of the Night"?

I heard that the band had a big comeback and is going on a world tour right now.

The band name is Corona.

Do you remember when everyone was worried about Post Malone?

Everyone thought he was on drugs or something, but I’m sure he’s fine. We should just Leave Malone.

Do you remember when you used to blow bubbles as a kid?

Ran into Bubbles the other day, he said you always were the best.

How do you remember to put on deodorant every morning?

I don't know but you probably shouldn't come near me

Do you remember all those jokes made last year about having 2020 vision?

Well, you know what they say about hindsight.

Hey do any of you remember the joke about the boomerang?

Don't worry, it'll come back to you :)

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened,

and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for free?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And the second time, do you remember when our boy got a DUI, and the judge let him off with probation?" He says ye...

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A man is with his wife and she is having their first baby.

She gets this really strong contraction, prods him in the chest and screams at him" This is your fault, you know this "He says "Bullshit, if you remember correctly I wanted to put it in your ass. You said it was going to be too painful, well look at you now.. "

This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet...

Acronym


Based


Comedy

Doesn't

Ever

Feel


Good

Honestly,

I

Just

Keep

Lamenting

My

Negative

Opinion,

Perhaps

Questioning

Reality


Serves

The


U...

Do you remember Buckwheat from the little rascals? He recently converted to Islam.

And became Kareem of Wheat.

“You remember my friend that works for the Salvation Army?”

Nah.. it’s not ringing any bells.


(Don’t kill me for this)

A man on his death bed was speaking with his wife.

"Helen," he said, "We've been through so much together. Do you remember when the shop burned down, and we lost everything of value we had in this world? We had to start over from nothing, but you were by my side."

His wife solemnly replied, "I remember, dear."

"Helen," he continued, "w...

Do you remember that time you met Bill Cosby?

No?

Add another one to the list!

After 3 years, the wife starts to think...

...that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not o...

My 5 year old just got me with this one last night right before we fell asleep:

Him: Dad, will you remember me tomorrow?

Me: Of course!

Him: Will you remember me in a week?

Me: Yes.

Him: Will you remember me in a month?

Me: Yes..

Him: Will you remember me in a year?

Me: Yes.

Him: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?
...

The Pope dies and stands in front of the gates of heaven.

St. Peter looks at him confused:" Who are you? I don't know you." The Pope says" I'm the Pope, the holy father". Peter scrolls through his holy book " Pope, Pope, holy father..... nope, not in here". Now the Pope is confused "But I'm God's representative on earth." Peter says " Pease wait a minute" ...

Do you remember that barbecue?

You know, the one where I put my meat on your grill?

What's it called when you remember a good meme?

A Memento

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats th first joke you remember hearing or that you told as a kid?

Mine is: What is the white stuff in bird poop? (That is also bird poop.)

Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side o...

what's it called when you remember your emo phase and cringe?

PTxD

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

The Russian Prime Minister comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish these time zones.

Putin: Why?

Prime Minister:
Ah, I can't find myself with these times. I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. Once, I woke you up at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was only evening. I called Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years

One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.

A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen.

Hi...

Mom can I get a motorcycle?

Do you remember what happened to your uncle Louie?

That horrible, awful accident that killed him…

So you don’t want me to buy a motorcycle?



No, you can have his

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife w...

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin'w...

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