UPJOKE

Not Forget Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: Do not forget to breathe.

Death by asphyxiation may cause semen discharge making it look like you died of wanking.

Dear Dad, $chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad

Why did the bed not forget?

Because of it's Memory Foam.

Let’s not forget the main victims of swatting

Houseflies

On Einstein’s birthday, let us not forget about his brother.

Frank. He created a monster.

I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET

Boss hangs a poster in Office
"I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET"
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk.
"Ur wife called, she wants her poster back home."

Amidst all of the distractions on this 4th of July, let’s not forget what we’re celebrating

That the British blew a 13 colony lead

Benny the Viking

Benny was your typical Viking. Strong, tall and courageous, he was the ideal viking in every way, except for one.

See, Benny couldn’t grow a beard. For all his 30 winters on Earth, he still had just as smooth a face as the day he was born.

This bothered Benny, because when he was out p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

Cashier: do you want cash back?

Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's Ring of Fire, I Walk The Line. Let's not forget his Christmas album

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two southern wives were sitting on their porch sipping brandy.

One woman says to the other ‘my husband bought me this beautiful ring’ as she flashed a diamond ring.
The other replied in a breathy voice ‘ain’t that niiceee’.

The first woman added ‘he also bought me this lovely dress I’m wearing today’.
The other replied in the same breathy voice ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home visibly irritated.

His wife notices and asks if something is wrong.

He shakes his head.

"C'mon. Talk to me" she says.

He takes a moment to steady himself. "It's just that..." he pauses again, and takes a deep breathe. "Well, first of all, last night when you were telling me about your day?"
...

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi are on a boat in the middle of a lake...

The priest, remembering he forgot his phone on the shore, says he'll be right back. He hops overboard, and walks on water to the shore and back.

The minister, who also forgot an item on the shore, follows suit and jumps off the boat. He walks on the water there and back.

The rabbi, w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Parts of the body having a debate.

One day all the body parts are gathered together to discuss who amongst them should be the leader.

The brain steps forward and says "I should be the leader for i am the cleverest. I keep everyone organized and find solutions to problems."

Everyone is quite impressed until the heart st...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Man with the Tiny Head

A man walks into a bar, seemingly normal sized body, but he has what can only be described as a head so tiny, it was unfit to be on top of his neck. He goes up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Drinks are on the house if you don't mind me asking what is wrong with your head."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris and Vasily Go To The Beach

Two Ukraine men go to beach to see hot chicks. They take off clothes put on Speedo then go to sand. As they stand, many hot chicks look at and talk sexy to Vasily. Not so for Boris. When walk on sand, hot chicks look at Vasily. Not look Boris.

Finally Boris say, "All hot chicks be liking you,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CEO, a priest, and two lawyers are at a bar.

The older lawyer is mentoring the younger one. A guy on the left asks for a flaming shot, but the bartender trips, and lights the bar on fire. Everyone is running away, when a wooden bar collapses on them.
When everyone comes too, the CEO, the priest, and the older lawyer are all trapped under ru...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Sad Story

So there was this man in one corner of a bar. He was alone. He looked sad, and on his table was littered with glasses, cans of empty beer, and bottles of half dranked wine; tattle-tale signs of a problematic man, drinking heavily to forget his grief. Every now and then he would give out a very heavy...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.