Two Hand Jokes - 10 Hilarious Two Hand Jokes

Why are no two hand puppets alike?

Because they are hand-made.

OC from my daughter.

All clocks have only two hands. You may think that some clocks have a third hand,

But that’s just the second hand.

What has two hands but can never clap?

A T-Rex

-courtesy of my boss

A guy walks into a clock shop and aproaches the counter where a sales lady is standing.

He pulls down his zipper and places his pecker on the counter.

Sales Lady stunned: Excuse me sir, This is a CLOCK shop.

Customer: Yes I know, could you please put two hands and a face on this please?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do deaf girls always masturbate with two hands?

They need one hand to get the job done and the other to moan with :D

A man shouted to his wife, "Honey, come in here and check out my clock."

She found him standing naked, with a hard-on. "That's not a clock!" she shouted.

"It is," he replied. "It just needs two hands and a face on it."

Every wonder why Republicans use two hands when they’re drinking out of a water bottle?

It’s to prevent it from trickling down.

I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. What am I?

ugly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Speak English, you moron!

An Amish farmer is walking through his field when he sees a guy drinking from his pond, scooping it up with his hand.

The farmer says, "Trinken sie nicht das wasser, die kuhe unddie schweine haben in ihm geschissen," ('Don't drink the water, the cows and the pigs shit in it'). The guy shouts ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I get overwhelmed at work, I remind my boss that I only have two hands and one dick...

...I can only fuck up one thing at a time.

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