Train Conductor Jokes

when he derailed it and the train suffered a terrible crash. Only those in the front of the train survived. He was put on trial for the murder of nearly a hundred people. He was found guilty and sentenced to death by the electric chair.

When asked what he'd like for his last meal, he replied ... read more

I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

A train conductor ends up killing two people while on the job. He is found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. When the day comes, he is asked what he would want for his last meal, and he requests a banana. After finishing his meal, he is strapped to the chair and electrocuted. However, by s... read more

Because they always have loco motives.

Cheddar, Gouda, Parmesan, Swiss, just making sure this will be the cheesiest post ever!

He had Loco motives

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living. He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single pe... read more

He blows off some steam

He isn’t the best at his job. He likes to go very fast, and is very reckless. One day, he goes too fast off a bend, and kills one person.

He is sentenced to death by the electric chair, and is offered a last meal. He requests one banana.

He is sat down in the chair. The executioner fli... read more

He felt like his life was just going in circles.

There was a man. He was a train conductor by trade. One day, he saw a woman fall on the tracks in front of his train, but made no effort to stop. He was arrested at the next stop and, unable to make a good excuse for his arrogance, was sentenced to death by electric chair. He accepted his death as a... read more

One day, this man got hired to be a train conductor. On his first day of the job, he crashed into another train and killed many passengers.

He was given a death sentence and was to be killed by an electric chair. However, after going through the electric chair, he was still alive!

The... read more

Self a steam

No one knows why, but it's clear he has a loco motive.

Because they have locomotives.

The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel

The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel

The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train

The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

I heard he had a loco-motive.

All you have to do is stay on track

It turns out he was a bad conductor

Ever since he was a little kid, Bob always had one goal in life: to become a train conductor. Finally when he grew up, he achieved his goal and became the conductor of the Happytown train. He was so excited to conduct the train that he decided to see how fast he can go. He went faster and faster unt... read more

Me: Your ticket please.

At one point he murdered another man who knew what was happening, and soon he started killing more threats to his position as conductor.

But a few years passed, and the conductor's murder record was discovered. Given the severity of his crimes, he was sentenced to death by electric chair.... read more

Allah-board

He had locomotives!

So he studied hard, and with great joy he achieved his goal, working happily for many years. But in time, he began to feel hollow, empty, unfulfilled, and so he thought long and hard, and a dark, primal anger welled up inside him. He decided to take drastic action, and set the trains to crash. The f... read more

In fact, the baby is so ugly that a nearby passenger says,

“What a hideous baby.”

“I’ve never been so insulted in my whole life,” the man says, and

hurries to the train conductor to complain.

“I’m so sorry, sir,” the train conductor says, when the man tells her
he wa... read more

One day, a train conductor is walking down the aisle making sure everyone has a ticket. As he’s making his way down he sees the mayor, he asks the mayor for his ticket and the mayor says “dang I must’ve forgotten it in my car” and the conductor says “no ticket, no ride” and he throws the mayor out o... read more

(obligatory, English is my second language, so expect some mistakes)

Group of engineers and managers are going to a conference and they're travelling by train. Managers bought one ticket each while whole engineers group has single ticket. Managers laught at them for not planning properly, bu... read more

So, a polish train conductor is carrying people to go out of the country. However, the tracks were icy because it was the middle of winter.
So the train slipped and rolled over eight times. Miraculously all but three people lived. When the conductor was trialed for manslaughter, he was found guil... read more

The pessimist thinks about the darkness surrounding them. The optimist thinks about the light they will reach at the end. The realist thinks about freight trains that might be near.
And the train conductor thinks about what might happen if these 3 idiots don’t move

Two dutchmen take the train from Amsterdam to Brussels, but they only have one ticket. 2 fellow Belgian passengers ask them how they will get away with it. “Watch and learn!” Say the Dutch. They head into the toilet together and wait for the train conductor to knock on the door. “Ticket please!”. He... read more

Once upon a time there was a train conductor named Tim. Tim greatly enjoyed conducting his train around every day, and even though he had relatively poor pay, all was well in Tim's world. There was only one issue; Tim was a flat out *awful* conductor. He reduced the overall efficiency of all of the ... read more

From the day he could grasp the idea, he had been interested in them. The way they worked, the way they moved, the different kinds. He had decided at a young age that he wanted to be a train conductor.

The time eventually came when he got his dream job for a busy passenger transit line. His ... read more

Once upon a time there was a guy that was very passionate about trains ever since he was a little kid.

So no one was surprised that once he grew up he became a train conductor.

However as much as he loved trains he was really terrible at driving them.

Sadly, one day he caused a ... read more

He embarks by train from California, hoping to seek a new job and new adventures.

Somewhere in Arizona, the train slows down at a small station and passengers stream on and off. Looking through a window, the cowboy sees an old Native American man wearing what looks like the garb of a powerful... read more