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The Age Jokes

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It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys…

Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty…

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Male Sex Drive Through The Ages

Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly

Between 33 and 52: Try weekly

52 and up: Try weakly

The geography of a woman as she ages: (from a friend)

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa .
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
Very hot, re...

When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.

This phenomenon is known as many paws

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question (Warning not suitable for people under the aged of 18 you have been warned)

Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny, cause the rest would fly away,
Well, the answer is four, said the teacher, but i like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny says i have a question for you. If t...

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my grandmother started to run 5 miles a day at the age of 60

She's 83 now and we don't know where the fuck she is

My first time buying condoms at the age of 16

I went to the pharmacy. The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."
She took one out, put it on her thumb, and told me to make sure it was on tight.
I still looked confused.
She looked ...

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

How do you tell the age of Henry VIII?

Count his rings.

Why does the army need people under the age of 5?

For the Infantry

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I asked my wife the age old question. Is the cup half full, or half empty?

She replied;
"Stop wearing my fucking bra!!!!!"

The Age Factor

(Taken from Reader's Digest Year:1998)

Even though she's been teaching English for 25 years, my mother never felt her age was an issue, until the day she helped a student with a report on the Vietnam War. Mom recognised the name of a war correspondent mentioned in the textbook and blurted, "I...

Robert Degen, who held the US copyright for the Hokey Pokey, died at the age of 104.

His open-casket funeral allegedly took over eight hours, over seven of which consisted of the surviving relatives of his putting his right hand into the coffin, putting his right hand out, ...

Luck with the age

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50.


Exasperated, she exclaims, "Only bad luck! What in the world should I do now?"


A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"


He walk...

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At the age of 91 we discovered two lumps in grandma's breasts

We were so relieved the doctors discovered it was just her knees

In the age of streaming, I don't get why I have to watch re-runs from the 60/70s whenever I turn on the TV

Inflation going rampant, NASA going to the moon, Russia/US on the brink of war.....

Read the news that some Charles finally got his crown at the age of 78.

With such a long waiting list in the NHS, these Brits have the audacity to criticize the american healthcare..

Stephen Wilhite, one of the lead inventors of the GIF, passed away last week at the age of 74

Jodspeed, Stephen.

When I was young, I set a life goal for myself: I will buy a Lamborghini at the age of 40. This year, I’ve finally achieved half of the goal.

I turned 40.

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Ahhhhh The Wisdom of the Ages........

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the
Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was,
walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray a...

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A man who dedicated his life to sexual exploration retired today at the age of 90.

When asked why, he said, "I actually prefer traditional sex nowadays, the only kink i have left is the one in my neck."

I had a heart attack at the age of 37

Doctor: It’s hereditary. With your family history, there’s nothing you could’ve done differently…

Doctor: but now you need to stop drinking and smoking and doing drugs…

Doctor: and you need to start exercising, and going jogging…

Doctor: and you need to change your diet. You ca...

The psychologist said that children at a certain mental age believe that everybody knows what they’re thinking.

He used a doll to prove his point.

He placed a crayon box filled with candles on the table in front of the child. He then asked the child what was in the box. Of course the child answered crayons.

Then the psychologist opened the box to show the child that the box contained not cray...

Did you hear about the three wise men in the age of NFTs?

They came bearing GIFs

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My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex

Just this morning she asked me

"Is that the best you can do?"

I know people take the age gap seriously but it's getting ridiculous

For example as a twenty-two year old I'll sometimes bring twenty-one year olds to the bar with me and it's nothing but mean and insensitive comments like they're too young to drink, and where'd you find 20 of them?

During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.

It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.

The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.

After waking from the surgery, the caller asked...

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The voting age should be the same as the age of consent

If the government can fuck me I should be able to vote

The age old question...

The age old question, if I paint my car black will it stop working or will it run faster?

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At the age of 4, I remember thinking: "I can count to 10, so cool!" At the age of 5, I remember thinking: "Wow, I can count to 100 now, so cool!"

And at the age of 6: "When does this thing even fucking end?!"

Kenny Rogers has died at the age of 81

In a statement to confused reporters, Kenny Loggins was quoted as saying “I’m alright, Don’t nobody worry bout me”

(It’s a Caddyshack joke)

Since 1782, at the age of 12, Beethoven was composing some of the greatest music ever,

of course since 1827 all he has been doing is decomposing.

If you’re over the age of 40 and prone to frequent trips to the bathroom, I’ve got bad news…

Urine trouble

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I miss the age where my biggest worry was how I would tell my mom I pissed the bed.

Oh to be 23 again

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I was asked to draw tampons throughout the ages but I wonder...

Do they have to be period accurate?

The age of consent here is 17. But I am a gentleman...

I ask for consent regardless of age!

Jimmy Kennedy, creator of the Hokey Pokey, died today at the age of 94.

It was a difficult burial. They put his right arm in...

Even at the age of 46, I have the body of a 24 year old.

I'm not here to brag, does anyone need a 24 year old's body while it's still warm?

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The perfect response to the age-old insult

"Ur mum's gay!"

"Which one?"

Swedish astronomer Andres Celcius died in 1744 at the age of 43

Though his rival, Fahrenheit, was convinced he was 103.

The age old question

So a chicken and an egg are lying in bed, and the egg is smoking a cigarette. So the chicken turns to the egg and says, "well I guess that answers that question."

Unvaccinated children are less likely to get sick After the age of 20

because they're dead

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At the age of twelwe, Johnny was blessed with a nine inch penis.

And four years later, that priest went to a prison.

My grandma died at the age of 91 not knowing how to drive

Apparently

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A man gets asked “What is it to have sex at the age of 70?”

"It's like playing billiard with a rope", the man answers.

The age gap in my relationship is somewhat questionable.

According to the police.

Whats the age of consent in Thailand?

50$

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