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Sylvester Jokes

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Sylvester Stallone has launched a new range of cakes. I would highly recommend them.

They are the best thing since Sly's bread.

Sylvester Stallone wants to make a movie about classical music..

He wants to play Beethoven.

Jean Claud Van Damme says “I’ll be Mozart”

Arnold Schwarzenegger “c’mon guys. Don’t make me say it”.

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger are talking about making a new film together.

Sly: “I wanna show the world that we’re more than just action movie stars. I wanna make a movie about classical music and classical composers. I know you guys love that stuff too. What do you think? Will you help me make a movie about it and show the world how cultured we are?”

Bruce: “I cou...

I once had a girlfriend who was obsessed with Sylvester Stallone movies, but at the time all I wanted to watch was Arnold Schwarzenegger. We'd argue frequently, but in the end she'd always win out.

Needless to say... It was a Rocky relationship.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing what to dress up as for the 80's Action Hero Costume Ball.

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when Little Richard calls you up to tell you he's picked up Carmen Miranda, Freddy Mercury, Peter Allen, Divine, Sylvester, Chris Crocker, Elton John, Gil Chesterton, Andy Dick, Wayne Newton, Liberace, and Richard Simmons...and they're on their way?

Tutti Frutti en route-y!

(Wooooooooo!)

I invested all my money in a sylvester stallone action figure

my finances are a little rocky.

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol...

It was going great with my girlfriend until she started putting her Sylvester Stallone dolls in the middle of the bed.

Things have been a little Rocky between us ever since.

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Chuck Norris are sitting in a boat boat...

Arnold puts his finger in the air and states: “7,3km/h windspeed from 33° north-east“.
Stallone sticks out his tongue and says: “Exactly 20,87°C“.
Chuck Norris opens his trousers and sticks his dick in the water and says: “Exactly 12,609m deep“.

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch...

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'...

whats Sylvester Stallone's favorite ice cream?

rocky road

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between Sylvester J. Pussycat and John J. Rambo

A cat named Sylvester with a speech impediment and an appetite for blood, so basically nothing new.

Scottish Husband: There was a good film on tv last night, the boxing one with that guy Sylvester...?

Wife: Stallone?

Scottish Husband: No it’s not still oan, it was oan last night

I’d would love to show you my Sylvester Stallone impression

But it’s really Rocky.

I have decided to pass my time in self-quarantine by streaming Sylvester Stallone movies.

Unfortunately, I'm off to a Rocky start.

[Doctor Who themed] Why was Sylvester McCoy afraid of Paul McGann

Because McGann Hurt Eccleston

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Steven Seagal decide to make and star in a movie about famous composers...

Bruce: "Okay guys, let's decide which musicians we'd like to portray"

Seagal: "Well, I guess I'll play Beethoven if you guys think that works"

Stallone: "that seems like a good fit. I think I'll be Mozart."

Willis: "Sounds good so far. I'd like to portray Brahms."

*Stall...

TIL of Sylvester Stallone's even manlier brother.

Testos Stallone.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Dolph Lundgren were sitting around a a table

when they came up with the idea for a movie series based on the lives of classical musicians. They had all the details nailed down: the plot, the characters, the music, and so on. However, they couldn't decide which one of them was to play each classical composer in the film series. Eventually they ...

Can I get an F in chat for my pet rock?

Had to have Sylvester put down today for killing two birds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day in math...

...we got two new transfer students. They were twins named Ving and Ling who had moved in from Korea. I sat next to Ving during class and I got to know him pretty well. We liked the same books, movies, games, you name it! At the end of the quarter, we had a huge unit exam, it was about 30% of our gr...

Hollywood Halloween

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
...

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.

Stallone goes first.

"I'll be Mozart"

Next up is Chuck Norris.

"I'll be Beet...

Some Arnie jokes

My wife has just left me for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

She'll be back.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.

He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".

__

A movie production company desperately needs a new idea. They decide to ma...

If my love life was a movie it would be Demolition Man...

...starring Sylvester Still-alone.

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