Little Johnny tells his dad he wants to marry his girl Suzie. His father asks, how will you support her? Johnny says Suzie gets a dollar a week allowance and so do I. What if there is a baby asks the dad.

Johnny says, well so far we've been lucky.

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I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazin...

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little Johnny was on his way back from his play date with little suzie

little Johnny was on his way back from his play date with little suzie, he was being dropped home by Suzie's.
when they get to Johnny's house, Suzie's mum stormed up to Johnny' s mum absolutely fuming

"your shit of a little son was playing doctors and nurses with my suzie" she roared.
...

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”

“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

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Little Suzie wants to know how babies are made...

She asks her mom and mom says, "Babies come from a man and a woman."

Suzie says, "I know that, but how?"

Mom says, "Well, when a man and a woman fall in love, they lay down together and make a baby."

Suzie is still unsatisfied, "Yeah, but HOW is the baby made?"

Mom finall...

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Suzie and her triplets

Suzy gave birth to triplets and named them Mat , Pat and Tat.

She fed Mat from her left breast and Pat from her right!

Moral : Sometimes there's no Tit for Tat!

Little kid in sunday school

the teacher is asking the 5 year olds questions, and asks one specific question to little Suzie; "And why is it important for us to be quiet when we're listening to the sermon, Suzie?" To which she replied, "because the old people are sleeping."

Little Suzie Goes Swimming in a lake

One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower.
“Grandma” Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother’s legs. “What’s that?”
“Oh,” her grandmother replies. “That’s my beaver, dear.”
The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with...

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Tom's scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pai...

Little Johnny and the Pastor

A pastor was chatting with some children about 'being good' and going to Heaven.

When he was done, he asked the kids, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven!" cried Little Suzie.

"And what do you have to be to go there?"

'Dead!' cried Little Johnny.

What was special about Three-Eyed Suzie?

She had no legs.

The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).


He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him...

A biology teacher asks a student a question about the homework

Mr. Ambrose says: "Suzie, which part of the human body gets 10 times bigger whenever it is stimulated?"

The whole class starts laughing, and Suzie panicked, saying: "you can't get me to say that, it's inappropriate!
Through all the chaos, Gavin raises his hand and yells: "isn't it the pupi...

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A Valentine’s Day joke...

Suzie is complaining to her friend Jennifer how much she hates Valentine’s Day:

My husband stops by a convienence store, picks up a cheap box of chocolates and a dozen roses on his way home from work, and then I gotta lay on the bed with my feet up in the air like a fucking whore!

Jenn...

An old farmer drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?"

The boy replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?"

The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad."

The farmer said, "How about your brother, H...

At recess, all the children are playing outside.

Little Mohammed goes to the swings and asks Little Jack if he can play on the swings too.

"No, go away," replied Little Jack. "You're different and weird."

A bit shaken, Little Mohammed goes to ask Little Suzie if he can play with her on the monkey bars.

"No thanks, I'd rather n...

The Teacher asks the class....

Little Johnny was in class and the Teacher asked the class, "When you die, What part of your soul goes to heaven first?". Little Suzie raised her hand and said: "Your hands, because you put your hands together when you pray to God". Little Daniel raised his hand and said: "Your head, because when y...

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Every year John entered the state lottery hoping to win....

..but he never did. Finally he prayed vigorously and hoping for God's message, he walked around the town fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was bare bottomed and had 7 written on each of her butt cheeks .

He bet on 77 as...

A kindergarden class returns from recess...

The teacher asks Suzie, "What did you do doing recess?"

Suzie replied, "I climbed on the monkey bars."

The teacher says, “That’s good. Go to the blackboard and if you can write ‘monkey’ correctly I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie. The teacher asks B...

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During a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, Little Suzie responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

Then the teacher picked little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully

Then it was little Johnny's turn, "Last night, at the dinner t...

It's President's Day and Mrs. Rosewood was giving her students a bonus quiz...

Whoever could identify the president who said the famous quote would not have any homework that night.

"Alright, class. Who said "A house divided against itself cannot stand."?"
Lil' Johnny knew the answer, but wasn't the first to have his hand up. That was Jamal Jefferson.

"Was it...

The Bard [Long]

Suzie was the teacher's pet - A's in every class. One day a stranger stood in front of the lecture hall for her writing course.
'Sorry students, your professor has been in a terrible accident and I will be leading this course for the remainder of the year.'
No problem - Suzie looked forward to...

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A kid shows up to class with $2,467...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Suzie led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the custo...

Bill’s second Anniversary was coming up

Bill’s second Anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, it was not getting a thoughtful gift on a special occasion. Bill quizzed all his friends, co workers, clients and anyone he happened to bump into, as to what would be a good anniversary present. He final...

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First Week (NSFW)

It was John's first day on the ship and he was visibly excited. He had dreamed for years of being accepted into the Navy and now his dreams were coming true. His Commanding Officer welcomed him aboard and began to show him around the ship.

John learned where he would be eating, sleeping, and ...

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Fascinate

Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?

Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.

Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?

Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.

Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the ...

Little Johnny and the drawing project

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided ...

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Johnny finally makes it to college...

On the first day his psych professor begins a perception exercise by telling the students to close their eyes and feel around for an object, then describe the object and tell her what it is.

First she calls on Kyle who says "I feel something big round and bumpy. It's a globe!"

The p...

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It was the first day of kindergarten...

And the teacher wanted to get to know the kids a little bit and settle them in. The teacher sat them all down and started asking them some questions.

"what is your name, and what does your daddy do?" to which the child answered proudly "I'm Suzie and my dad's a firefighter!" "That's great!"...

The gift

"Brian, what's wrong with you? You've been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!"


"Oh Dan", responded Brian "I don't know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!"


"Br...

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Lil Johnny in Class

The teacher begins the new week by deciding to go around the room and ask each student to cover her a word that starts with a designated letter. She asks for a volunteer for the letter A and Lil Johnny is the first to shoot his hand up.

The teacher thinks, "Johnny always has the most perver...

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An interuptted joke from Curb your Enthusiasm season 9...

In honour of the announcement of a new season of Curb I was watching season 9 and in episode three Larry starts telling the following joke but gets interrupted by Suzie. I found it in its full form and thought I'd share it..

Mrs. Johnson goes to a brand-new gynecologist. He examines her.
H...

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Alphabet Game

"Alright class, today we're going to play the alphabet game. I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you tell me a word that begins with it. Let's start with A"

Little Jonny's hand shoots up. The teacher thinks to herself: I'm not going to pick Jonny, he'll just say 'asshole'. "Suzie?"
<...

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[NSFW] Guy goes into an ice cream store...

...and has three kids with him. Older boy, middle girl, youngest boy. He walks up to the lady behind the counter and says, "Johnny here will have a chocolate, Suzie will have a vanilla, and Fathead here," slapping the youngest boy in the back of the head, "will have a strawberry."

The woman b...

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A teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living...

Jack answers, "my daddy's a scientist, and my mom is a nurse."
Suzie answers, "my mommy's an architect."

"And how about you, Johnny?" the teacher asks one student. Johnny looks up at her and says, "my dad works at a gay strip club. Every night, he dances in a g-string for a bunch of men, a...

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Little Johnny knows his pills.

Miss Paula is going around the classroom asking if the students know what pills take for what ails them.

- Little Suzie, what do you take if you have a headache?

Well, miss Paula, my mommy gives me Tylenol when I have a headache.

- Good answer. James, what do you take if you hav...

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English Class

A teacher was at the front of her 1st Grade English class. She points out a girl at the front of the class. She asks "Suzie, can you use 'Definitely' in a sentence, please?". Suzie says - "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher replies "The sky can be grey or black, but good try". Johnny at the ba...

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A fine taster once entered a restaurant and challenged the restaurant owner.

He told the restaurant owner to serve him anything, and he'd be able to identify it. The restaurant owner accepted the challenge, and the starter meal was served. The guest tasted it, thought about it for a few seconds and then said: "This is a paté from a wild boar, duck and common quail. The wine ...

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny is sitting in class. The teacher draws a banana on the whiteboard and asks the class, "Class, can anyone guess what this fruit is?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and shouts, "That's not a fruit, it's a penis!"

Little Suzie, offended at hearing the word "penis," immediate...

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What is the name of Woody Woodpecker's girlfriend?

Suzie Splintercunt.

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Uncle John in Vietnam

A grade school teacher assigned everyone in the class to come back after the weekend with a story to tell the class that had a moral teaching in it. When the class came back on Monday the teacher had them come up and tell their stories.

"Alright Suzie, come up and tell us your story."
Suz...

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Famous quotes...

One Friday morning, a teacher telss her students, "I'm gonna give you a famous quote, and whoever can tell me who is famous for the quote can take the rest of the day off...first quote: 'If I want to be the father of my country, I cannot tell a lie...I chopped down the cherry tree'."

Little S...

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