Little Johnny tells his dad he wants to marry his girl Suzie. His father asks, how will you support her? Johnny says Suzie gets a dollar a week allowance and so do I. What if there is a baby asks the dad.

Johnny says, well so far we've been lucky.

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I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazin...

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Suzie and her triplets

Suzy gave birth to triplets and named them Mat , Pat and Tat.

She fed Mat from her left breast and Pat from her right!

Moral : Sometimes there's no Tit for Tat!

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Little Suzie wants to know how babies are made...

She asks her mom and mom says, "Babies come from a man and a woman."

Suzie says, "I know that, but how?"

Mom says, "Well, when a man and a woman fall in love, they lay down together and make a baby."

Suzie is still unsatisfied, "Yeah, but HOW is the baby made?"

Mom finall...

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”

“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

Little kid in sunday school

the teacher is asking the 5 year olds questions, and asks one specific question to little Suzie; "And why is it important for us to be quiet when we're listening to the sermon, Suzie?" To which she replied, "because the old people are sleeping."

Little Suzie Goes Swimming in a lake

One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower.
“Grandma” Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother’s legs. “What’s that?”
“Oh,” her grandmother replies. “That’s my beaver, dear.”
The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with...

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Little Johnny tells a story.

So little Johnny was in class at school and the teacher asks the class to tell her a story with a moral to it.
Little Suzie stands up and says "miss I know one, what do elephants use as tampons?"
Teacher says "I don't know". Little Suzie replies "sheep".
The teacher then asks but what's ...

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Tom's scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pai...

What was special about Three-Eyed Suzie?

She had no legs.

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Little Johnny

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good...

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An elementary school teacher decided hand out candy and have the students guess what they are...

The teacher explains to the class the game they will be playing; guessing the candy she gives them. The class roars in excitement.


The teacher walks over to a student named Suzie, and hands her a peppermint. The student puts it in her mouth, and without skipping a beat says, "I know thi...

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Little Jimmy's teacher asks the class to come up with a moral and come to school the next day and share it.

So the next day little Suzie go's up first and says, "We had 5 eggs on my farm and only 1 hatched."
The teacher says, "Very good now what's the moral?" Little Suzie says, "Don't count your chicks before they hatch." Next the teacher calls Little Jimmy up and he says, "My uncle was a soldier in Vi...

The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).


He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him...

Little Johnny and the Pastor

A pastor was chatting with some children about 'being good' and going to Heaven.

When he was done, he asked the kids, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven!" cried Little Suzie.

"And what do you have to be to go there?"

'Dead!' cried Little Johnny.

An old farmer drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?"

The boy replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?"

The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad."

The farmer said, "How about your brother, H...

At recess, all the children are playing outside.

Little Mohammed goes to the swings and asks Little Jack if he can play on the swings too.

"No, go away," replied Little Jack. "You're different and weird."

A bit shaken, Little Mohammed goes to ask Little Suzie if he can play with her on the monkey bars.

"No thanks, I'd rather n...

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Every year John entered the state lottery hoping to win....

..but he never did. Finally he prayed vigorously and hoping for God's message, he walked around the town fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was bare bottomed and had 7 written on each of her butt cheeks .

He bet on 77 as...

The Teacher asks the class....

Little Johnny was in class and the Teacher asked the class, "When you die, What part of your soul goes to heaven first?". Little Suzie raised her hand and said: "Your hands, because you put your hands together when you pray to God". Little Daniel raised his hand and said: "Your head, because when y...

It's President's Day and Mrs. Rosewood was giving her students a bonus quiz...

Whoever could identify the president who said the famous quote would not have any homework that night.

"Alright, class. Who said "A house divided against itself cannot stand."?"
Lil' Johnny knew the answer, but wasn't the first to have his hand up. That was Jamal Jefferson.

"Was it...

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A kid shows up to class with $2,467...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Suzie led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the custo...

The Bard [Long]

Suzie was the teacher's pet - A's in every class. One day a stranger stood in front of the lecture hall for her writing course.
'Sorry students, your professor has been in a terrible accident and I will be leading this course for the remainder of the year.'
No problem - Suzie looked forward to...

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Johnny finally makes it to college...

On the first day his psych professor begins a perception exercise by telling the students to close their eyes and feel around for an object, then describe the object and tell her what it is.

First she calls on Kyle who says "I feel something big round and bumpy. It's a globe!"

The p...

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Fascinate

Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?

Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.

Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?

Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.

Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the ...

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First Week (NSFW)

It was John's first day on the ship and he was visibly excited. He had dreamed for years of being accepted into the Navy and now his dreams were coming true. His Commanding Officer welcomed him aboard and began to show him around the ship.

John learned where he would be eating, sleeping, and ...

Little Johnny and the drawing project

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided ...

The gift

"Brian, what's wrong with you? You've been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!"


"Oh Dan", responded Brian "I don't know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!"


"Br...

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It was the first day of kindergarten...

And the teacher wanted to get to know the kids a little bit and settle them in. The teacher sat them all down and started asking them some questions.

"what is your name, and what does your daddy do?" to which the child answered proudly "I'm Suzie and my dad's a firefighter!" "That's great!"...

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Lil Johnny in Class

The teacher begins the new week by deciding to go around the room and ask each student to cover her a word that starts with a designated letter. She asks for a volunteer for the letter A and Lil Johnny is the first to shoot his hand up.

The teacher thinks, "Johnny always has the most perver...

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Alphabet Game

"Alright class, today we're going to play the alphabet game. I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you tell me a word that begins with it. Let's start with A"

Little Jonny's hand shoots up. The teacher thinks to herself: I'm not going to pick Jonny, he'll just say 'asshole'. "Suzie?"
<...

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An interuptted joke from Curb your Enthusiasm season 9...

In honour of the announcement of a new season of Curb I was watching season 9 and in episode three Larry starts telling the following joke but gets interrupted by Suzie. I found it in its full form and thought I'd share it..

Mrs. Johnson goes to a brand-new gynecologist. He examines her.
H...

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Little Johnny knows his pills.

Miss Paula is going around the classroom asking if the students know what pills take for what ails them.

- Little Suzie, what do you take if you have a headache?

Well, miss Paula, my mommy gives me Tylenol when I have a headache.

- Good answer. James, what do you take if you hav...

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English Class

A teacher was at the front of her 1st Grade English class. She points out a girl at the front of the class. She asks "Suzie, can you use 'Definitely' in a sentence, please?". Suzie says - "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher replies "The sky can be grey or black, but good try". Johnny at the ba...

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A fine taster once entered a restaurant and challenged the restaurant owner.

He told the restaurant owner to serve him anything, and he'd be able to identify it. The restaurant owner accepted the challenge, and the starter meal was served. The guest tasted it, thought about it for a few seconds and then said: "This is a paté from a wild boar, duck and common quail. The wine ...

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny is sitting in class. The teacher draws a banana on the whiteboard and asks the class, "Class, can anyone guess what this fruit is?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and shouts, "That's not a fruit, it's a penis!"

Little Suzie, offended at hearing the word "penis," immediate...

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What is the name of Woody Woodpecker's girlfriend?

Suzie Splintercunt.

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Uncle John in Vietnam

A grade school teacher assigned everyone in the class to come back after the weekend with a story to tell the class that had a moral teaching in it. When the class came back on Monday the teacher had them come up and tell their stories.

"Alright Suzie, come up and tell us your story."
Suz...

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