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Speed Dating Jokes

A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.

"What?" says the woman.

Speed dating

Her: I hate it when people get excited when they find out they have smallest thing in common.

Me: Oh my God! Me too!

I once tried speed dating...

Turns out she wasn’t as into stimulants as I was...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Speed Dating

So this guy goes out for a date with his new girlfriend. They have a great time and decide to head back to hers, they jump into his sports car and zoom off. She lives out in the middle of nowhere up miles and miles of twisting, winding, country roads.

On the way she starts to get a little bit...

Why can't you take a Mormon speed dating?

He'll start pushing all the tables together.

Speed dating is pointless.

30 seconds aren't long enough to explain the benefits of functional programming in Haskell.

I met a girl through speed dating.

But our relationship couldn't end quick enough.

What is one thing you can ask both Jack the Ripper and a man who is speed dating?

'What do you look for in a woman??

A serious question

If two meth heads start a relationship is it considered "speed dating" or "just mething around"?

Two yogurts walk into an upscale bar that is holding a speed dating event.

The bouncer stops them at the door, says, "Sorry gentlemen. We don't serve your kind in here."

So one of the yogurts says, "Why not? We're two cultured singles!"

What do you call it when you show up near the end of a redneck family reunion?

Speed dating.

What does Roy Moore call a high school track meet?

Speed dating

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