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Shhhh Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a young rooster...

As soon as he gets it home, the rooster fucks all the farmer’s 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the rooster screws all 150 hens again.

The next day, the rooster fucks the ducks and the geese. Sadly, later that day, the farmer finds the rooster laying on the ground half-dead with ...

Shhhh, Want to know the secret of how Biden won the election?

He got more votes.

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

Putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic.

But the cop didn't think so.

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Farmer buys new Rooster

A farmer goes to buy a new rooster from a breeder

The salesman shows him one specimen that he says is

'the single horniest Cock I've ever had the misfortune of meeting'

The farmer thinks this is great, more horny means more hens so he pays and takes the bird home with him.
...

I got olive oil in my bed

Shhhh... Don't tell Popeye!

A conversation between a cobra and a librarian

-Shhhh

-Shhhh

-Shhhh

-Shhhh

Just applied to go on that show 'The secret millionaire'

The secret is I'm not a millionaire but shhhh

Q: Why do movie makers not make a cross-over movie between "A Quiet Place" and "IT"?

A: They already know that it is going to be "ShhhhIT"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey Lou, what's going on?

Trump: "I'm sorry you have the wrong number. Who is this?"

Biden: "It's Joe! What's up Lou?"

Trump: "Joe!?" (Covers phone; turns to advisors) "Sleepy Joe called here, calling me Lou!"*everyone giggles in back ground*

Trump: "Shhhh! Wait wait, quiet! Yeah Joe! Sure, I'm Lou!"*Tru...

A man is on his dying bed, and wishes to confess something to his wife...

He says "my love, I must tell you something I've been holding in a long time..."

"Shhhh, it's okay, my love, you need to rest."

"But I have to tell you, I cannot hold it in any longer"

"It's okay, my love", she said, "you will soon be at peace and it does not matter....

I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World.

So I took them to our local fish market, saying, "Shhhh... they're all asleep."

What's colorless and smells sweet?

Chloroform

SHHHH..

Man dies and goes to heaven, filled with rooms he hears a party behind each door is happening.

St. Peter (or whoever the afterlife tour guide is) took him to the first door and opened it. The room was full of Muslims welcoming the man to come in and join them.

Passing they moved on to the next door to find a room full of Jewish people celebrating the afterlife.

Next a room of Bu...

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An American, a Japanese and an Indian were trying to show off how advanced their country's technology is.

The American goes first, looks at his hand and pokes it at a few places, proceeds to place it on his ear like a mobile and starts talking. After the call gets over here explains that he has a simcard embedded in his hand that let's him use it as a mobile. Everyone is impressed.
Then suddenly some...

One day the Seven Dwarfs decided they wanted to see Snow White naked.

Their only option was to spy on her in the shower. They decided to stand on each others shoulders and watch through a small window above the bathroom door. Dopey being the smallest he was on top, calling down to the others what he saw.

"She's taking off her skirt" He whispers to the next one...

Oh well...

A man is concerned about the state of his marriage. He decides to spice things up, he leaves work early and comes home to find his wife, under the covers in bed napping. Without waking her up, he slides under the blanket and goes down on her. She starts moaning, squirming, and finally finishes. He g...

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NSFW Rooster likes to fuck.

OK so there's this farmer and he has a rooster, and this rooster loves to fuck. The farmer comes out of the house one morning and finds all his chickens have been fucked to death by this rooster. He says to the rooster, "if you don't stop fucking like this you're going to kill yourself" . The rooste...

Pete is walking down the harbour and sees 2 fishermen. He always wanted to have a go at fishing so he goes up to them to ask.

Pete has a stutter though so he goes " h-he-hello guys would y-you you mind if i come f-f-fi-fishing with you?"
They look at eachother and decide that "yes you can come, but be quiet, we don't want you to scare away the fish". So pete all happy gets in the boat and they go out into the sea.
A...

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A horny rooster

A farmer wakes up to find his rooster dead in the garden. Desperate that his chickens will no longer lay eggs, he goes to the market in search of another. Upon arrival he sees a a large, heavy built rooster so he asks the seller:

“Oi! How many bucks for that one?”

“5000 dollars!”
...

The Rooster

So this farmer has a rooster named Fabio.


The farmer walks out one day and Fabio is humping a duck


The farmer looks over at Fabio and says " Fabio one of these days you are going to screw yourself to death"


The next day the farm walks out and sees Fabio humping ...

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love your Mum

The other night I went out with my work friends without telling my wife .. I thought I would only have one drink but then one drink became two and then three and then you know how it goes .. I arrived home around 3am stumbling in through our front door trying not to make a noise .. I made myself a h...

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Ruddy the Rooster

This is a story about Ruddy the Rooster. A rooster who would fuck anything. Cows, Pigs, horses even the old farmers daughter. The Old Farmer loved Ruddy and would often tell him to stop fucking everything on the farm or he will end up dead. Ruddy would never listen and would always leave to find...

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A man has stomach problems and doctors can't figure out what's wrong.

A man was having recurring stomach pains and eventually said enough was enough and went to the doctor about it.

The doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with him and referred him to another doctor, who also couldn't find the problem and referred him to a stomach specialist.

The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

On a plane ride to South Africa.

A flight going from Cairo to Johannesburg was about half-way through their trip. Out of the blue, the captain made a startling announcement,

"Folks, it seems as though we are having some engine troubles. Now please remain calm, and we'll have an update in 15 minutes."

Obviously everyon...

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