Shush Jokes - 25 Hilarious Shush Jokes

Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.

"Just don't tell Dad" she says.

*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and ...

How do you silence a Turkish person?

Feed them a shush kebab

What do you call a kebab prepared by a librarian?

A shush-kebab

The Library

This is one of my favorite jokes that NOBODY ever thinks is funny. It is funnier when spoken, but since I have no friends, Reddit will have to do.

Here it goes:

A guy walks into a library. He strolls up to the counter and looks at the librarian dead in the eyes and screams “MA’AM I’LL ...

A kid was talking with his mother.

He says : Mom i've seen Dad with maid doing.......

His mom shushed him and said wait till the dad comes home.

When his dad comes home, the mother asks her kid, Yes son what were you saying.

Kid Says : Mom i've seen dad with maid doing the same thing the neighbor does to you whe...

What’s a librarians favorite thing to bring to a BBQ?

A shush kebab

What food did people in The Quiet Place eat?

Shush kebabs

Two businessmen meet up. One says to the other, "So sorry to hear about the warehouse fire."

He replies, "Shush! That's tomorrow."

"Jesus is watching you!"

A thief breaks into a house at around 3 AM. As he's walking about in the house with his flashlight, he hears a voice whisper,

*"Jesus is watching you!"*

Startled, he points his flashlight towards the source of the voice. In the corner of the room, there's a birdcage with a parrot in it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Babe...I...

GF: shush! there’s no *I*. there’s only *we* in this relationship.

Me: okay fine. *we* are gay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple is watching TV together.

Doctor Phil comes on, and the boyfriend scoffs. "This guy doesn't know shit!" he says.

The girlfriend is annoyed and tells him to shush. They continue watching. The boyfriend continues scoffing, and the girlfriend continues to shush him.

Doctor Phil says, "Sometimes you can say somethi...

A boy and his mom

A boy and his mom were walking down the street and the boy pulled on his mom's arm and said, "Mom look! There's a bow-legged man over there!"

His mother shushed him quickly telling him it's not nice to call people bow-legged.

A week later they were walking together and he pulls on his...

A little Jewish boy runs up to his mom and says, "Mama, I wanna sing really loud!"

His mother says, "Shush with that! Not in the house!"

So the boy runs up to his grandmother and says, "Gramma, I wanna sing really loud!"

And his grandmother says, "My darling, you do whatever you want."

So the boy takes in a deep breath...

*"My Mom's tellin' me nooooo......

Honeymoon Night

John and Sally had married yesterday. Today, at breakfast, the whole family shows up except the newlyweds. The aunts are snickering and asking "Huh, I wonder why they're not here...".

John's younger brother speaks up: "Actually, I think I know..." but gets shushed by the family.

At lu...

A brunette and two blondes were hanging on a rope that was attached to a helicopter...

They were hanging on for dear life. However, they were told that the rope was going to break soon and that it could only support two people at this rate.

The two blondes started arguing about who should let go of the rope. The brunette didn't speak for most of the argument, but suddenly thoug...

A girl walks alone in the cold night

A girl walks alone in the cold night. A drunk suddenly blocked her way. He pushed the girl into a corner and asked her to take her sweater off.
Out of terror, she took off her sweater, closed her eyes and braced herself.
Then, the drunk asked her to put the sweater back on. The girl did what ...

A woman walks past a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot on display.

She looks at the price. $20. She asks the store clerk as to why the parrot was so cheap.

"Well, you see, the parrot used to belong to a grizzled old sailor who swore a lot. He has quite a vocabulary but a rather foul mouth."

She stares at the bird. Realizing just how good a dea...

The Story of a Man and his Chicken

Back in the before-times, people were allowed to go to these things called "movies". This one guy wanted to bring his pet chicken to one of these movies, but unbeknownst to him, chickens weren't allowed in the theater. So, distraught, the man headed home with his chicken.

But on the way, he w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a nun was standing at the side of the road waiting for a cab.

A can stopped and picked up the nun. During the drive, the nun noticed that the driver kept staring at her.

She asked him why and the driver said "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you."

The nun replied, "Child, you can't offend me. I've been a nun for 25 year...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys

Two guys are at the bar, one guy drinks 2 beers then tells his buddy he has to go home his wife only let's him have 2 beers. His buddy tells him that's messed up and here is what he should do, drink as many beers as he can, 5 whiskeys and a bourbon. Then go home and dive under the covers and eat out...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inebriated Indecency

(Sorry for mobile formatting)
Betty and Barry, a middle-aged couple, went out late one hot Friday night to grab dinner. After they had finished their meal, they sat with drinks and enjoyed dessert. Barry excused himself to the restroom and Betty sat there listening and observed the other patrons ...

Be Positive

A good friend passed away here at the office today. There was an accident in the mailroom and his bleeding could not be controlled. EMS arrived immediately but were unable to slow the bleeding enough. The ems team could not figure out quickly enough what Jason's blood type was either so saving him t...

A Family Dies in a Car Crash

The only survivor is their pet monkey. The police comes to find out what happened and as it was a dry, sunny day with no hindrances to explain the crash, they begin to interrogate the monkey.

"So, what was the boy in the back doing?" and the monkey imitates punching. "Okay, so he was hitting ...

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A Black man dies and goes to heaven...

A man named John dies and awakens at the gates of heaven. He is promptly judged as worthy and let in. John is led to his old childhood home and sees his wife waiting for him on the front porch, looking as beautiful as the day he met her. He's delighted to see her and they embrace.

So they sp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is heading to bed when he suddenly hears his kid whining for a bedtime story.

The kid's 14, clearly supposed to have grown out of it, but yet he hasn't. The kid's screaming, demanding, whining, and it's absolute hell. Finally, the dad's had enough.

He rushes to his son's room and sits down on the bed. He starts the story, "Son, I'm going to tell you a story with a mora...

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