UPJOKE
russian languageboris yeltsinmilitary serviceinternal troopsarmy generaleuropebrigadedecreepresidentsevastopolcrimeaabkhaziatransnistriamilitary forcesformation

Russian Military Jokes

2021 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in the world

2022 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in Ukraine
2023 - Russian Military is the 2nd strongest in Russia

It looks like the Russian Military is aiming for a record-breaking streak as the world's best 'second place'!

Russian military supremacy

You may wonder why Russian army is superior to all other armies. Well, it is because of their excellent strategy and tactics. For example, during six days war, Russian officers advised Egypt how to defeat Israel. The advise was: draw enemy deep inside the country and wait for winter!

I don't know why people are saying the Russian military is weak

They're ranked #2 in Ukraine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the Russian military’s policy on homosexuals fighting in the Ukraine?

“Donetsk, don’t tell.”

What are the two biggest fears of Russian military?

That the Chinese learn how to fight like the Finns, or that the Finns learn how to breed like the Chinese.

What is the difference between the Russian Military and Barnum and Bailey?

Barnum & Bailey only have three rings in their circus - and a lot less clowns!

How can you tell what rank a Russian military officer is?

The number of stripes on their tracksuit

Everyone seems to be really good at spotting large Russian military helicopters....

I guess Hind-sight really is 20/20.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian Military Lecturer

The commanding officer at a Russian military academy gave a lecture on potential problems and military strategy. At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, “Will there be a third world war? And will Russia take part in it?”

The gener...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian Military Rations

Several generals from different countries are sitting together in a bar. After a some while of small-talk, the american general starts bragging about how the US Army was recently able to improve the nutritional value of their field rations to 4000 Calories. To which the russian general replies: "Bul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sexual prowess is comparable to the whole Russian Military.

Where I make it out to be much more powerful than it actually is.

Why they hire idiots in Russian military intelligence?

Well, they used to hire smart people, but those would go to Great Britain, capitulate and stay there to live.

It is May 2022 and a Russian army is marching through Finland.

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill;

"One Finnish tank is better than 10 Russian tanks!"

The Russian general laughs, as he sends 10 T-14 Armata, the most powerful tanks of the Russian military on the hill to capture it. There is the sound of battle for a mi...

A Russian military unit receives sad news

One day, a Russian military unit receives news that Pvt. Pavlov's parents had died. The unit decides to break the news to Pavlov as delicately as possible.

The next day, the officer of the unit rounds up the men and then says: "All who have parents, step forward! ...Pvt. Pavlov, where are you...

The year is 1945...

The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1946, Sean Connery joined the Royal Navy...

In 1946, Sean Connery joined the Royal Navy. During his time there, he was in charge of a covert operation to spy on a Russian military installation which was directly next to a small lake.

He was in charge of a small team of highly trained soldiers, a few locals recruited to help with the op...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

American P. O. W

At the end of the cold war their was an American Prisoner Of War still being held at a Russian military camp, The Russian commander walks up to the American and says "Your in luck my American friend for the war has ended." I am a fair commander but you have killed several of my men, I will however g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, legendary fencing master Maximilian Lee is looking for a new challenger

After decades dedicating himself to his art, he finds there is no one worthy of fighting anymore. He travels to the farest corners of the world looking to reinvigorate his love of the blade.

He travels to France and challenges their most skilled and famous fighter, but to his disappointment,...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.