A 14 year old Chinese boy walks into a bar

He goes up to the the bar and signals the bartender
"I'll have a pint please"

The bartender looks him up and down and laughs
"You're way too young!"

"How you know my name!"

An old Chinese couple turn in for the evening

While lying in bed, the husband turns to the wife and says "You give me 69!"

And the wife responds "What? You want Beef and Broccoli now!?!"

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An old Chinese joke

Mr. Wang was getting ready for the Chinese New Year. He decided to put up some luck paintings on his wall, so he called his son over. He told his son, "It's the New Year, so you have to say auspicious words. So if I put the decorations too high up, say 'Good fortune' and if I put the decorations too...

An old Chinese saying:

If the dog is barking, you didn't cook it enough.

Why is death rate among 20-25 year-old Chinese people rapidly increasing?

It's just youth in asia.

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It was a dark and rainy night…..

Our hero’s car had broken down right in front of an old looking mansion.

After knocking, an old Chinese man came to the door. “ I was wondering if it’s at all possible you might have a room for me for the night. I will be out of your hair the next morning and on my way to the service stati...

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A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, ...

Stevie Wonder went to play a concert in China, and he began by asking if the audience had any requests. They shouted: "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"...

Stevie was a little puzzled, but he responded by playing an E minor scale, and then continued with a complex jazz melody that went on for over fifteen minutes.

He finished, but instead of applause, he heard the audience shout again: "No, no! Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

A lit...

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A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house.

He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “Can you put me up for the night?”
“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tort...

Hans Olaffsen

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners.

He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"

So he walks into the s...

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A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost.

It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could

forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines

covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings i...

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Vacation Blues

I had returned from my vacation trip to China during which I spent an evening with a most interesting young lady.
One morning about a week later I felt the most excruciating pain coming from my penis.

Upon inspection I discovered to my horror that my penis had turned blue and green.
...

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A Chinese man is on his death bed...

With his sight failing, he turns to the doctor and asks is his wife there?

The doctor assures him she is.

"And my sons, my beautiful sons, are they here?"

"They are."

"What about my sister?"

Consoling the poor man, the doctor tells him:"Don't worry, she's here, alo...

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A man is lost in the woods, but finds a cabin next to a small ravine

He knocks on the door and an old Chinese man answers. He asks if he could possibly stay the night, and the Chinese man says he can "But..." he warns "My daughter is very beautiful, and if you lay a finger on her I will inflict upon you the worst three tortures China has ever produced."

The ma...

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[NSFW] A Chinese student asks his Sensei

If a man shaves his ass does that make him gay? The Sensei replied, "An old Chinese proverb says 'If a man cleans his house, he is clearly expecting a visitor.'"

Three Chinese Tortures

A man is traveling through the jungle for days. Growing tired, he passes by a house and decides to ask if they could put him up for the night.

After he knocks on the door, an old Chinese man with a beard that reached the floor answers.

The traveler asks if he could stay the night, and...

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The three tortures.

A tourist got lost hiking in some mountains in China. It started snowing so he decided to seek shelter. He came upon a tall tower with light in the window, so he pounded on the door. A little old Chinese man opened the door.

"WHAT YOU WAN' ROUND EYE"

Shocked that the old man spoke engl...

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Chinese Punishments

So this explorer is out in the Chinese wilderness, and he lost, tired and hungry. He comes across a rather large house with multiple stories. Relieved he goes up and knocks on the door. An old chinese master opens it up.

"Please," said the explorer, "Can I have food and shelter for the night...

The Three Forbidden Tortures

A man's car breaks down and is forced to walk to the nearest phone for help. Unfortunately, being in the country, he ends up walking a ways before he finds a small farm. He knocks on the door and an old Chinese farmer opens the door. The man explains his predicament and asks to use his telephone ...

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So there was this guy

And he was lost in the woods for days eventually he finds this random 2 floor wodden shack and he goes and knocks on the door.

An old Chinese man answers who looks like he was alive when the dinosours ruled the earth.

The young man who was lost explained his situation and begged for fo...

The Chinese immigrant

There's an old Chinese guy in my hometown who goes by Giacomo Antonelli. One day, I asked him how he ended up with an Italian name. He said that when he came to the US, he somehow got on the wrong ship and ended up traveling the long way from China to New York instead of San Francisco. The guy in fr...

A pilot was on a layover in San Francisco....

and found himself in a shop in Chinatown. He noticed a large bronze rat behind the counter and asked the old Chinese shopkeeper how much it cost.
"Oh, bronze rat cost 2 dollah. But ancient secret that go with rat cost 500 dollah.
The pilot thought a minute and said he would just like the bronz...

A joke we tell tourists in china

Back when the Terra-cotta Soldiers were discovered, Bill and Hilary Clinton decided to visit the site. It was also asked of the chinese officials arranging the tour, that the Clintons could meet the meek and old chinese man that discovered the Terra-cotta.

Back then, the Terra-cotta site was ...

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A man goes to the doctor....

He whips it out and says "doc, look at this". His dick is striped with every color of the rainbow.

Doc: "Yep, seen that before. Nothing we can do but amputate."

Man: "Screw you doc!" and runs out.

The man sees every doctor in town, but they all take one look and say the same ...

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A man got lost in the woods...

... and stumbles upon this old house in the middle of the wood with it's lights on. An old Chinese man with a long grey beard answers the door and the man asks for help. The old man says he can stay for the night, but gives him one warning. He says, "if you touch my daughter, I will lay upon you the...

Walking through San Francisco 's Chinatown ,

a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners......When he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry.'

'Moishe Plotnik?' he wondered. "How does that belong in Chinatown ?"

He walked int...

It's the 1920s. A German tourist while walking around in New York city's Chinatown, notices a restaurant named "Hans Baumhauer's authentic chop suey"...

He gets curious, and wants to find out more about this German man who has set up a restaurant in the heart of china town.
He asks a very old Chinese man squatting in front of the restaurant, "Do you know this Hans Baumhauer who owns this restaurant?"
"Yes", says the old man, "I am Hans Baumhau...

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Ain't no one fucks with ol' chinese men.

A man was hiking, and suddenly he stumbled upon a little house. From the house came an old chinese man, who greeted him and said "you must be tired. Feel welcome to eat and sleep in my house for the night. But there's one thing: If you sleep with my daughter, then i shall punish you three times."...

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Asian guy and black guy at the lake of ancestry

This black guy was walking by a lake. Sitting next to the lake was an old Chinese guy skipping stones off the water.

The black guy walks up and says "Hey man, what are you doing"?

The Chinese man says "Check this out! Skip a rock across the lake and it will tell you your ancestry."...

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