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Procrastinator Jokes

How do you get a procrastinator off of Reddit?

There is no punchline I actually need help please I have a 10 page paper due at midnight someone help please

I'm such a chronic procrastinator....

...that I got a birthmark when I was seven.

Did you RVSP your invite to the Procrastinators Club?







No rush; take your time.

I used to be a TERRIBLE procrastinator

Now I'm great at it, I get zero things done.

A procrastinator walks in to a bar

I’ll tell you the rest tomorrow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though

I'll figure out what procrastination means later

I've just joined a procrastinators support group.

Ìt is called Wait Watchers.

I wanted to start a procrastinator club

But I've decided to wait

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm trying to write a joke about a chronic procrastinator and an inflatable doll.

Fuck it, I'll do it later.

What do you call a habitual procrastinator?

A pro procrastinator.

Procrastinators are constantly mad at themselves about how they keep procrastinating and telling themselves that they'll "do better tomorrow"

But that's a story for another day

Scooby Doo is a procrastinator.

I've never heard him say, "Scooby Dooby Done!"

I'm a procrastinator and a perfectionist.

Someday I'm going to be perfect.

What's the one good thing about being a depressed procrastinator?

You'll always put off killing yourself.

A Procrastinator Built A Time Machine

Well, not yet, but he's planning on getting started last week.

Doctor Who is a terrible procrastinator.

He leaves everything for earlier.

NOTICE: Procrastinators meeting at 8 P.M. tonight

Edit: 9 P.M.

Edit: 10 P.M.

Where do procrastinators live?

In Neverland.

PROCRASTINATORS UNITE

... tommorow maybe?

I Am A Professional Procrastinator. Ask Me Anything

I'll be back to answer your questions in a few minutes.

My mom told me I’d never accomplish anything because I’m such a procrastinator

So I said “Just wait!”

A man, a terrible worrier and procrastinator, is sitting with his doctor, anxiously discussing the results of a medical...

After an hour or more of waiting and hesitating and prevaricating and generally delaying the inevitable, finally the man draws a deep breath.

"Look doc - my chances - can't you tell me without telling me?"

The doctor looks at him in surprise. "What do you mean?"

Well," says the...

There are 2 reasons you shouldn't rely on procrastinators.

1). They never finish anything

I heard a hilarious joke about this procrastinator

But I don't feel like telling you guys about it yet.

This book, “The Procrastination Cure: 21 Proven Tactics For Conquering Your Inner Procrastinator”

I have had it in my Amazon shopping cart for six months, I will probably order it tomorrow.

Why did the procrastinator cross the road?

Sorry, i didnt have time to write a punchline I'll do it tomorrow.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.

We haven’t met yet.

The world's greatest procrastinator walked into a bar.

The

Have you heard about the one about suicidal procrastinator

He lived a long healthy life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher called me a procrastinator today.

But I'd say I'm more of an amateurcrastinator considering none of my endorsement checks have come in yet.

What is a procrastinator's favorite condiment?

Ketchup

Me: man I reckon i'm the greatest procrastinator in the world, no one's better at procrastination than me

Friend: oh really? how about we have a contest

Me: yeah sure just gimme 5 minutes

When I was 18 I wanted to kill myself...

But I'm a procrastinator, so I picked up smoking.

What's the difference between a procrastinator and a prognosticator?

Well, I haven't come up with the punchline yet, but you can probably see where I'm going with it.

A procrastinator and a depressed man walk into a bar...

Depressed man: I'm driving straight off a bridge tonight.

Procrastinator: I've been telling myself that for weeks.

What's a procrastinator's favorite punchline?

I'll tell you tomorrow

Why don't procrastinators make it to the Olympics?

Because they only allow amateurcrastinators.

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