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Pratt Jokes

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Chris Pratt's German Joke (in English)

Dieter and his grandpa Peter are sitting on top of a hill. Peter turns to Dieter and says, "You see all those houses down there? I built them with my bare hands, but do they call me Peter the House Builder? No."

Then Peter points to a church by the houses. "I built that church with my bare h...

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Chris Pratt, Jesus, and Hitler are sitting in a bar...

Jesus, Chris Pratt, and Hitler are sitting at a bar drinkin' a few brews.

Jesus says, "Hey we should all try and get in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

To which Chris Pratt replies, "Yeah, I bet I could get in it for most loved person in history."

Jesus then says, "and I be...

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My girlfriend keeps watching Chris Pratt movies then taking long showers.

I don’t know what she’s doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt

Chris pratt came up on the news

My dad said "y'know it's sad"



I replied "what's wrong"


He said "that someone could name their son Crisp Rat "

Nintendo has explicitly banned Chris Pratt from using method acting for the Mario movie

They have warned him that eating shrooms on set is both unprofessional and illegal.

What happens when you put Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Reeve, Chris Pratt and Chris Evans in the same room?

A Chrisis

Did you hear about the new spin-off/crossover series starring Chris Pratt?

It’s called Parks and Rex

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What do you call Chris Pratt before he turns into a butterfly?

A Pratt-erpillar.

Who is a deep fried rodent’s favourite actor?

Chris Pratt

A rodent fell into a vat of hot cooking oil.

It turned into a Chris Pratt

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A young apprentice flukes his exams and gets to do his first autopsy.

He walks to his supervisor. "er, excuse me.."
"What is it ?"
"Umm, it's Mrs Pratt, there's something wrong.."
"Well come on man, spit it out"
"There's a um, a b-big shrimp stuck in her er, vagina"
His supervisor turns around and stares at him.
"um, a a, s-super shrimp, r-right in t...

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A grandfather and grandson were standing on hill above town.

The grandfather says, "Peter, you see all those houses? When I first came here I helped build all those houses. Do they call me Michael the House Builder? No."

The grandfather points at a church, "Peter, you see that church? I built that church from the ground up. Do the call me Michael the C...

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Jeff Goldblum is a given a chance to go back to Jurassic Park

Against all advice he decides to go and is airdropped from a plane on the island. On his way down he gets awe struck by the beauty of it all and forgets to chute till it's too late.

Luckily he ends up landing on something soft and squishy. After a brief moment of relief he realizes he's stuck...

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normally don't like longer jokes but, this is funny

A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read:

"Dear Ca...

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